Today, I'll be talking a lot about aromanticism w/ Millie Boella; and what an honor it was to have such a powerful conversation with her!

Millie Boella (she/her) is a published writer, decolonizing consultant, and artivist. She’s been the executive director of a drop-in center, lead coordinator and host of the Massimadi Film Festival (Largest Black queer film festival in Canada), and founder of Toronto Non-Monogamous BIPOC. She now runs a consultancy on Decolonizing Love, where she and her nesting partner coach clients how to design ethical non-monogamous relationships and date interracially while unpacking white supremacy, among other matters.

Fact Checking Note: As I was fact-checking for this episode, I realized that what I said about kissing having origins in breastfeeding was only one theory, as it's also theorized that it can also have origins in mouth-to-mouth feeding methods that we see in early humans and chimpanzees, who still do this. The theory says when the food was scarce, ape parents pressed their lips to their offsprings's mouth to reassure and calm them.

One more note: you may hear some overlapping in us talking towards the middle and end of the episode because there was a technical delay, but the value of the podcast means a lot more to me than any brief tech issue, but just letting you know.

Enjoy :)

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I am proud to be aromantic, which is one of the As in LGBTQIAAP+. I am proud to experience love that is deep, profound and romance-transcendent. We will definitely be getting a lot of asexual representation on the podcast in the future as well, although we're talking about aromanticism today. 

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Intentional Check-In Before Moving Forward with Other Episodes: One of my deepest core values is to be a container for the unification of all perceived opposites. My personal boundaries had much more to do with something I love to say “if you abuse me, you’re gonna lose me” than any specific markers like race, gender, etc.

So the blackness and whiteness rhetoric can sometimes feel like “us vs. them” to me. I want to officially say, just in case y’all don’t know it yet, that an “us vs. them” dynamic is not condoned on this podcast.

It’s my intention to strike a healthy balance because it’s important to talk about these issues, but it’s also important not to lose the biggest picture, which is that narcissistic dynamics through dominant culture, are a contagion that has infected every race, creed and culture on the planet, and was prevalent even in pre-colonial societies. I think this means that we also need to find balance by looking into our own generational Shadows as much as we look at whiteness, not to continue blame or scapegoating, but just simply how we can heal from narc dynamics so we don’t perpetuate them.

How do we do that? It would be awesome if BIPOC also looked into their pre-colonial history to spot the signs of the narcissistic contagion. This, in my opinion, is how we maintain balance instead of perpetuated polarization, AKA "us vs them" dynamics, and the divide and conquer dynamics, all the stuff we don’t like, but can get stuck in unintentionally. 

Happy Pride!! Know that I'm thinking of each and every one of you and that I'm sending a lot of love out to you in this special month. May you feel deeply seen, deeply known and deeply represented. Until next time :)