Personal Growth Sucks

S1 Ep4 - Eight-step framework for getting your relational needs met

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Hi friends! Welcome to episode four in season one of the podcast, which is all about relational nutrients. For an explanation of what relational nutrients are and why they are important, you’ll want to check out episode one where my friend Jen and I gave an overview of the topic.

In this episode, I go solo because my week hasn’t gone as planned. (Gotta love these real-life opportunities for personal growth!) I was hoping to have an episode with my husband, Mike, but instead I pivot and respond to listener feedback. I also go through an eight-step framework for getting your relational needs met, and then tackle some of the obstacles that keep us from asking others for relational nutrients.

Here is a summary of the eight-step framework:

  1. Take in information - this is what you are doing by listening to this podcast or looking into the resources I’ve mentioned. You first have to learn about the relational nutrients before you can intentionally seek them out for yourself.
  2. Learn to become aware of when you are having a need. This is equivalent to the warning light coming on in your car - it is acknowledging the light and getting curious about it instead of ignoring it.
  3. Diagnose the need. This is like taking your car to the mechanic after the warning light has come on. You have to take energy to “look under the hood” and think about what your needs are at this moment.
  4. Diagnose the solution. Once you know more about your needs, you need to think about how to meet those needs. If you are feeling frustrated, what relational nutrients would help you move through that frustration?
  5. Figure out who to ask to meet your needs. Sometimes this is about who is around and available (which might end up being a coworker or acquaintance) and sometimes this is about seeking out someone who you have a deeper relationship with.
  6. Ask the person to meet your need. This doesn’t have to be formal, it could be something like, “Do you have a minute? I’m feeling really stressed about this upcoming meeting and I could use some encouragement.”
  7. Take in the nutrients, or pay attention to if you are feeling missed. If you are feeling missed, you might need to return to steps 5 and 6 and try again with someone else.
  8. Take a minute to process your thoughts and feelings about the experience. How do you feel? Do you have more self-energy to move through the problem/hard feelings? If you still feel like you have needs, repeat steps 5-8. On particularly difficult days, I sometimes need to reach out to multiple people before I feel able to move forward.

    9. Remember that this will take time! I had to practice step 2 over and over again, all on its own, before I had the ability and awareness to move on to all of the steps. Give yourself lots of grace when learning to implement this practice into your life!

    Here are links to the resources* I mention in this episode:

    Personal Growth Sucks on Instagram

    Anatomy of the Soul

    Townsend Leadership Program

    People Fuel: Fill Your Tank for Life, Love, and Leadership

    Full list of Relational Nutrients, with definitions of each

    *As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. If you choose to purchase after clicking a link, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

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    Personal Growth SucksBy Erin Kinzel