Ever noticed a repeating pattern in your romantic or work relationships? Do you fear being left out or left on your own? Do you feel crowded or suffocated in relationships? Do you find yourself struggling to find the right words to deal with a difficult person at work? Do you wish desperately for your dream partner, but find yourself growing older, still alone?

This week’s guest is Elfreda Manahan-Vaughan, an Integrative Trauma-Informed Coach. She vividly brings to life the world of adult attachment, along with how we can recognise and help ourselves (and others) with attachment injuries and wounds, in ALL our relationships.

Wherever we are in the world, we must engage with other people. And in that territory, lies hidden attachment wounds. In this episode, Elfreda and I unpack the importance of self-awareness. She distinguishes between attachment trauma and trauma itself, shedding light on how attachment experiences can impact communication and behavior in various relationships.

She delves into the neuroscience behind reactive behaviors and the factors that influence behavior, such as sensory issues, interactions with others, and one's own thoughts and emotions.

She touches on antagonistic behaviors in narcissistic individuals and the distinction between destructive narcissists and those who use narcissistic behaviors as coping mechanisms.

Elfreda emphasizes the importance of understanding one's own reactions and strategies as a starting point. She discusses various avenues for treatment, including therapy, coaching, and trauma support, highlighting the need to address specific sets of behaviors and their level of dysfunctionality rather than focusing solely on diagnosing specific disorders.

Some approximate timestamps:

00:02:45 Attachment wounds create adaptive responses in relationships.
00:05:21 Attachment needs for safe, functional relationships summarized.
00:11:43 Change, dynamics, uncertainty.
00:16:58 Inconsistent co-regulation leads to manipulative behavior.
00:21:28 Earning balance through resolved attachment trauma.
00:28:51 DMM analyzes communication about primary relationships—avoidance/emotion.
00:35:26 Coaching helps with thinking, reasoning, and planning.
00:37:25 Coercive strategy, awareness, balance, manipulation, difficulty, aggression.
00:47:15 Narcissistic behavior can be destructive and antagonistic, while coping strategies aren't always.
00:48:41 Coaching room conversation needs self-awareness, adaptability.
01:02:08 Psychological treatment can help with trauma, choice.
01:07:25 Moving beyond trauma brings hope and purpose.

Elfreda gave us these links to continue the exploration of healthy attachment relationships:
Website: www.metta-morphics.com; IG; LinkedIn; YouTube

The DMM:

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