Hi. It’s Micah from Modern Hysteria, your podcast and newsletter revealing the taboos of women’s brains and bodies (listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts).

This week, we’re talking about “mom rage,” or the intense or blinding rage that feels like it comes on really quickly, and is often related to a feeling of helplessness or powerlessness or stuck-ness.

The Taboo

The main taboo explored in this episode is:

Mothers aren’t allowed to be angry.

Links + Resources

Mom Rage: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood by Minna Dubin

Self compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff

Allison’s website

Therapist biz coaching with Allison Staiger

Key Takeaways

* Mom rage is not a personal failing! It’s a symptom of a system of unsupport.

* The pressure to gentle parent perfectly can intensify rage.

* Maternal rage is an invitation to rest and repair.

The Guest Expert

Allison Staiger is a licensed clinical social worker certified in perinatal mental health, with expertise in perinatal mood and anxiety concerns, pregnancy and infant loss, infertility, birth trauma, postpartum rage, and matrescence. She owns Highwire Therapy, a solo private practice in Chicago, specializing in folks with personal and professional caregiving identities (parents, therapists, teachers, etc) through a feminist lens. Allison is also a business and leadership coach to therapists and other helping and healing professionals who want to use their private practices and bodies of work as vehicles for justice, innovation, and care leadership.

Action Items

* Track what’s going on for you; set an alarm on your phone for every 30 minutes — for a couple days — and when it goes off note your experience; how irritable you are. When was the last time you took care of your own needs? Peed? Ate? (We are often disconnected from our bodies and needs.)

* When you crash out, do a review: What happened? What was going on? What led up to this? Then you can notice patterns. What does a 5/10 anger feel like versus a 10/10? This will give you time and space to pause and respond rather than react when you feel rage

* So what if you’re angry? Acceptance; anger is okay; women have been conditioned to not do this — especially moms —because it is seen as incompatible with femininity. We can be angry without causing damage to our families.

* What does the anger mean? What do you NEED?

* Get help not just so you can be a better parent but so you can be a happy person. 😊

* Worried about attachment? It is not fixed and can be repaired.

* What’s the trigger? Are you burdened by all your tasks? Where else are you feeling resentful and overburdened in your life?

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