For the second week in a row, we get to play in the unprecedented mess that is the House GOP conference and their uproarious House Speaker f*cktangle! Trump’s co-conspirators are starting to take plea deals and we haven’t seen this much flipping since Tino's dog was in his HGTV phase. J.K. Rowling says she’d rather go Azkaban than use someone’s preferred pronouns, Scholastic Books adopts a separate but equal policy for non-straight white cis hetero books. And Judson and his father clash in an unexpected real-life d*ck measuring contest!