by Matthew Clark | One Thousand Words

A year ago in February some friends and I started a new tradition. I drove six or seven hours to their house and parked my camper van in their driveway. These folks were some of the very first friends I made when I moved to the Jackson, MS area over ten years ago. I met them at church, and then discovered that they lived just down the street from me. I could just about walk to their house, and although I never did walk there, I dropped in a lot. They assured me that they really were the kind of people who actually meant it when they said, “Just drop by anytime.” So, I tried them out, and, it turns out they weren’t lying. 

For the few years they lived down the street, we had a little small group that met at their place. It wasn’t attached to any particular church. Instead, it was just made up of people this couple had met out and about—at the coffeeshop or at work. I did go to church with them, but I don’t think anyone else in the group did, and some didn’t go to church at all. At any rate, that small group became a lifeline in the early days of living here, and this particular family became like family to me. 

Time sped on, and eventually they moved to another state. We missed each other a lot, but we kept up and I made short visits whenever I was passing through on house concert tours. Then, about two or three years ago, a January rolled around that was particularly lonely around here, and I felt like I needed to get out of town and go see some friends. So, I called up these friends, the Humphreys, and they said, “Come live in our driveway.” I thought, “Well, I’ve always wanted to live in your driveway! I’ve even got a tiny house on wheels that would do the job quite nicely.”  

Not long after that, I rolled out of Mississippi and headed West to Texas. Before long, I was nicely situated just a few feet away from the friends I had so missed. Originally, the idea was to stay a few weeks, but by the end I wound up staying over a month. It was hard to leave when the time came. I had gotten so used to being included in the rhythms of their family and household. They made me feel right at home. Maybe more at home that I was able to feel in my actual home during that season.  

It was such a wonderful experience, that we decided to make it a bit of a tradition. I’m heading out tomorrow to spend the month of February living in their driveway again.  

But this story reminds me of a few things. For starters, it is good for me to remember that it’s always possible to begin brand new traditions. I mean, if there’s some good idea about something I wish was a part of my life, I can try to think of ways to start building it into the way I live. And friends can do those kinds of things together, as well. Friends can come up with new creative constructs that benefit and continue to cultivate their connections with each other. I’ll admit, in my case, the Humphreys are unusually hospitable, flexible, and even adventurous in that way. And the friendship accumulated for years before it was ripe for an experiment like ours.  

I’ve tried other traditions that didn’t quite work. That’s good to be realistic about. Sometimes the timing is off, the relationship isn’t quite there, or who knows? For whatever reason, the spark doesn’t catch the kindling. But here’s the basic idea: life is, and friendships are, opportunities for creativity, imagination, and adventure. Like any art-form in any medium, making something new takes risk and vulnerability, and sometimes doesn’t work out. But be on the lookout for friends who might be willing to collaborate on new ways on connecting, or making new traditions.  

I have another friend who had a significant birthday approaching, and she asked herself, “If I could do anything to celebrate this birthday, what would it be?” She decided to ask a few friends to spend a long weekend at an airbnb near her favorite national park. Did it feel like a crazy idea? Was it a risk? Yes. What if everybody said no or couldn’t make the trip? She bravely took that risk, and created a new tradition—even connecting friends of hers that didn’t know each other. In that way, she facilitated the creation of brand new friendships. We can do things like that. 

The second thing I think of, is the simple fact that we really need friends. I know I do. I need substantial real-life presence with people who know and love me. With the Humphreys, for example, one of the biggest blessings is simply being around as they’re living their normal day-to-day life, so much more so than any big interesting thing we manage to do while I’m there. Maybe we’re just chatting on the porch, watching big, noisy trucks drive past, or working on a puzzle box in the kitchen while the kids eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. One day last February we spent a whole day taking apart a clothes washer to replace a water pump. It was so fun just being together working on something.  

It’s been deeply important to me to find those folks out there who take friendship seriously. The Humphreys aren’t the only ones in my life. There are many delightful people who have loved me so, so well, and in whose homes I’ve been made to feel like a part of the family. 

One of my favorite verses is from Psalm 68:6. It says that God sets the lonely in families. For me, that has not primarily meant blood relatives, though I am very thankful for my biological family, especially my brother Sam with whom I live. My life hasn’t always taken the shape that I expected or hoped it would. At times that has ranged from frightening to disappointing, from sad to frustrating. But, what I have seen over time, is the truth of that little verse. God has never stopped working to lead me to people and help me discover ways to find friends who’ve made a place for me in the world. The Lord has been persistently kind in his efforts to supply me with kindred, even across all my wanderings. He knows better than I do that it is not good for a human to be alone.

Lord, you said that it is not good for a human to be alone. 

You have made yourself clear; it was never your intention that we should endure loneliness. Rather, your dream for your children was that they should be held— always and ever embraced—always and ever embedded in the fabric of belonging love.  

But, Lord, we are lonely! 

The brokenness of the world, the schemes of our diabolical Enemy, and our own bent and bruised natures, drive wedges where there ought to be wonder, dig graves where there ought to be gracious welcome, breed fear where there ought to be faithful love, sow weariness where you long for us to find rest.  

Hear our cry: “Lord, when will you set the lonely in families!” 

Lord of kindness, make for us ways towards finding kindred. Warm-hearted Savior, gather us to those you know can warm our own hearts, before they grow too cold. Oh Holy Trinity—you who are our true home—make for us a place and home in your presence with those who have found their abiding place in you.  

Oh Holy Trinity, you are, in yourself, the pattern of family and loving belonging we were created to image-forth in this world, would you weave the stranded threads of our lives into the living fabric of reality that is your very life. 

Strengthen our hands to serve, our ears to listen, our mouths to speak wisdom and courage, and grace us with creativity and hope as we venture out towards those lives you have made to cross our path. May we seek first to offer belonging, and in so doing, learn to receive it.  

Bless your people with the gift of friendship, Oh Lord. May we offer a taste of your kingdom to a lonely world, where Christ has already come, calling all who would listen, to be set within his everlasting family.  

In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen.

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