PREMIER LEAGUE: Top 5 battle ends appropriately with a damp fart as Newcastle backs into UCL while Aston Villa backs out (albeit somewhat controversially) and Nottingham Forest can't get it done. Long summer ahead for some teams, notably Villa. Also, flowers are festooned on deserving FPL winners... and one loser.

HALFTIME: What If you could choose where Ronaldo plays next - where's he going?

ROUND THE WORLD: the lads try their best to tear down Tottenham's European Championship, plus a preview of the Champions and Conference League finals, highlights from around the rest of Europe, MLS hit-it-n-quit-it minute and some quick thoughts on Poch's USMNT roster (notably the absence of Christian Pulisic).

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

Maël Corboz and Isaiah Young -- two Americans from Jersey -- discuss Arminia Bielefeld's insane run beating three Bundesliga teams - including Bayer Leverkusen in the semis - to reach the DFB Pokal Cup final, plus how two kids from New Jersey ended up on the same German 3rd division club (albeit one with 2nd or even 1st tier history and fan support). Plus, a preview of Saturday's massive DFB Pokal Cup final versus Stuttgart.

PREMIER LEAGUE: Palace beating City (and fans' reaction) is everything great about soccer. Teams mostly hold serve in MW #37 setting up an interesting battle for Champions League spots on Decision Day - especially if Bournemouth can pull a midweek upset vs City.

HALFTIME: What If you could own any one relic in history -- anything at all -- from your favorite club?

ROUND THE WORLD: preview of one of the weirdest Europa League finals in history as 17th place Tottenham and 16th place Man United fight it out to avoid one of the more embarrassing seasons in recent memory, plus Tyler spits some hot fire in this week's MLS Hit-It-N-Quit-It Minute

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

PREMIER LEAGUE: in defense of Forest owner Evangelos Marinakis, explaining City's inexplicable Southampton setback, Tommy questions the importance of the top 5 battle and LOLing at the Zero F's Given Brigade (Tottenham and United)

HALFTIME: Pop Quiz on the latest Sportico report listing the top 50 "biggest" clubs in the world

ROUND THE WORLD: MLS hit-it-n-quit-it minute

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

PREMIER LEAGUE: Arsenal's recent slide risks transforming five-team race for three top 5 slots into six-team race for four slots. The emasculating Guard of Honor tradition may have saved Chelsea's season. Aston Villa's tightrope walk (without a safety net) deserves more attention.

HALFTIME: What If you attempted 10 penalties on Gianluigi Donnarumma - how many you making?

ROUND THE WORLD: Champions and (abbreviated) Europa League previews of semifinal second legs plus the MLS Minute Man spits one of his best segments in a while

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

PREMIER LEAGUE: Liverpool get some just rewards for being worthy champs. Brutal week for Unai's Aston Villa. Secret to Pep's success with City (hint: #TeamLove). FA Cup semifinal recap. FPL updates.

HALFTIME: based on disclosure that Darvin Ham (ex-Laker coach and current Bucks asst) had his Los Angeles storage locker sold at auction... What If you could bid on the storage locker of ANY current or former player - who you going with?

ROUND THE WORLD: preview plus predictions for Champions and Europa League semifinals leg 1

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

PREMIER LEAGUE: Aston Villa put on one of the performances of the season against Newcastle. Chelsea stare death (of their season) in the face but bounce back against Fulham. Tottenham and Manchester United officially wave the white flag on the 2024-25 PL season.

HALFTIME: What If you could only watch one game show for the rest of your life?

ROUND THE WORLD: important announcement about Champions/Europa Leagues, MLS Hit-It-N-Quit-It Minute and breaking news on the Championship front (with big ramifications for some long-time friends of the program)

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

PREMIER LEAGUE: Nottingham Forest suffer a (potentially) costly defeat, Tottenham and Manchester United continue to stink out loud plus a look ahead at one of the low-key bigger games of the season as (tired) Villa host Newcastle.

HALFTIME: What If the unthinkable happens and USMNT lose in the semifinals *but* you get to handpick two teams to play in the World Cup 2026 final - who you going with?

ROUND THE WORLD: preview of the three "live" Champions League ties, including Real Madrid's chances of overturning a 0-3 deficit against Arsenal, plus Tottenham and United peaking at the right time (LOL) for their dates with Europa League destiny.

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs.

PREMIER LEAGUE: theories on why top 5 teams in the table amassed zero wins this weekend, juice-less Manchester Daerby and Aston Villa peaking at the right time

HALFTIME: what if you were given the choice of attending three straight Champions League finals or one World Cup final?

ROUND THE WORLD: MLS Hit-It-N-Quit-It Minute plus preview of huge midweek slate f/t Champions League and make-or-break Europa League for Manchester United and Tottenham Hotspur

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

PREMIER LEAGUE: rapid rundown of FA Cup quarterfinals and thots on semifinals draw; double dose of previews f/t London, Manchester AND Merseyside daerbies plus especially critical weeks for Aston Villa and Nottingham Forest

HALFTIME: What If Neal Maupay (wanting out of Marseille and unwelcome back at Everton) rings you asking your recommendation for world's best shithouse league... where you sending him?

ROUND THE WORLD: MLS Hit-It-N-Quit-It Minute and ode to Peter Vermes

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs