Have you imagined yourself as a powerful influence on your community and culture around you? Are you ready to make the important decisions in your relationships to be an effective leader at home and everywhere you go? It starts at home and my guest Warren Mainard is going to walk us through that journey. Warren is the national director at Impact Players.

To to connect with Warren Mainard visit:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wmainard

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/warren-mainard/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wmainard/

To learn more about Impact Players Visit:

https://www.impactplayers.org/

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Transcription - Saving Dads Saving Communities

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Have you imagined yourself as a powerful influence on your community and culture around you?

Are you ready to make important decisions in your relationships and to be an effective leader at home?

And everywhere you go, it starts at home and my guest is going to walk us through that journey

in just a moment so don't go anywhere. Before we begin, I'd like to thank our proud sponsor of

this episode and the Fatherhood Challenge in Genius Prep. In Genius Prep is the world's premier

admissions consulting firm, proud to be officially recognized as the country's top college admissions

consultants, helping students prepare for admissions to top schools through individualized

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Genius Prep students have secured 110 offers from Ivy League schools, 268 offers from top 20 schools,

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in Genius Prep is an all-in-one consulting firm offering every service of family needs,

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the leadership and innovation lab, soft skills courses, writing courses, and other

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strategy call with one of Genius Prep's college experts or you can visit ingeniousprep.com.

That's ingeniousprep.com and let them know you came from the Fatherhood Challenge.

Welcome to the Fatherhood Challenge, a movement to awaken and inspire fathers everywhere,

to take great pride in their role and to challenge society to understand how important fathers are

to the stability and culture of their family's environment. Now here's your host, Jonathan Guerrero.

We need everyone. Thank you so much for joining me. My guest is Warren Menard.

Warren is the national director at Impact Players and we're going to learn more about it shortly.

Warren, thank you so much for being on the Fatherhood Challenge.

Oh hey Jonathan, it's so great to be with you and very excited to talk about being better dad.

This is so important, such a great topic. Warren, this next question goes right in line with

tradition. So I always like to start each episode with a dad joke. So Warren, what is your favorite

dad joke? Oh man, we love dad jokes and impact players. We start every impact breakfast

with a series of dad jokes and I've got a handful but here's a quick one. So my son asked me the other

day, hey dad, have you seen my sunglasses? I said no son, have you seen my dad glasses?

That's a great one. It's cheesy, is cheesy. I love it. I was talking with my wife. That's what makes

the dad joke. That's right. I was talking with my wife on the elevator the other day. We got into

an argument. Turns out I was wrong on so many levels. Oh wow, you're good at this. You have some practice.

We have a lot of fun. In fact, we really believe that getting a group of men together and letting

them laugh and just have that camaraderie with one another is absolutely critical to opening up

men's hearts and getting into really important things. What is the story behind impact players? What is

it? How did it start and how did you become involved? Yeah, it's a powerful story. It started in 2004

with a man named Matt Wimmer and a handful of other men who witnessed a dear friend of theirs really fall

into a series of devastating decisions that ended up really hurting his his marriage, his family

and his business that employed over 400 people. Those guys found themselves asking,

wow, what a difference would it have made if he had made some healthy decisions about being a

better husband, father and leader that could have had a positive impact instead of the negative one

that it did have. That really bore out the beginning of impact players, which has now been going for

20 years. The mission is inspiring men to be great husbands, fathers and leaders by equipping them

to thrive in the relationships that matter most. For the first 16 years, impact players existed as a

volunteer organization. I had the joy of being able to come on and become the first executive

director of impact in the fall of 2020. And since that time, we have just seen God absolutely skyrocket

the growth of impact as we have reached men all over the greater Seattle area. And now we are

expanding into Everett and Bellyham, Tacoma, Eastern Washington. But we want to take it nationwide

because we think that there are men all over the country that are looking for the kind of community,

support, encouragement and equipping that impact players provides. What are some of the biggest

obstacles today keeping dads from becoming effective leaders in their homes and communities?

Well, I think a lot of men today are feeling really under attack. And there's no doubt that masculinity

is certainly something that a lot of men feel like just being men is, is makes them

public enemy number one. And so we really want to help empower men to believe that they're not the

problem that they are called to be the solution. And for a lot of guys, their struggles with being

the kind of dads that they want to be, oftentimes it goes back to their own childhood. They had a

difficult relationship with their own dad. There's some relational brokenness that they've never

worked through. But in general, a lot of men just feel like they're unequipped to be the great dads

that they want to be. And so we try to provide resources, training, encouraging and coaching to help

men step into their greatness as dads, giving them practical tools, biblical truth that will really

help them to discover who they are as men, who they are in light of their relationship with God,

and then how that transforms the way that they interact with their children as fathers.

I heard you mentioned something related to trauma. We've done several episodes on generational trauma.

The way our parents parented us and the way the parents before them parented, and they thought

that they were doing a very good thing. Today we would call it harsh parenting. That was a,

and I'm not saying every home was like that, but it was a very, very common thing in the baby boomer

generation. There were also different extremes. There's, for instance, I'm from the Gen X, Gen X is known

as the lachki kid generation. We are known for raising ourselves because our parents were busy

working all the time. Our parents viewed with it their role as sacrificial. They were working hard

so we could have a better future. And that came at its own price. Every generation is trying to do

things a little bit better and is learning from the previous generation, but no one gets it right.

And there's always these residual effects of this trial and error from generation to generation.

And it's, I've learned it's so important that you take the time and you deal with those spots that

where you were missing something where you didn't get everything that you need that you learned not

to see it as, as a shameful thing. And instead to normalize the fact that there are others like you

that have the same thing, that this was bound to happen given the way you grew up. And that it's okay

to feel what it is, but you've got to do something about it. You've got to take that next step and

you've got to deal with it. If you want to become better, if you want to become whole. And I've also

learned that there are two components to that. There is the generational part, which is knowing

yourself who you are, your background, where you came from generationally, what you are likely to

inherit. Behaviours, addictions, things like that that were common in your past generation.

And the other component of that is spiritual identity. And those two things, identity and purpose,

without those, you're, you're pretty much a lost man with a hole in the middle, a big hole in you,

and you will go anywhere and you will do anything to stop feeling that emptiness, including addictions,

including, I mean, you name it. Yeah, there's, there's a reason why the expression daddy issues is a

thing, you know, because there are a lot of men that are carrying around father wounds and we have one

curriculum that we've created called data coaching in the second week of the study. We just open up

with this simple question. Tell me about your dad and oh, wow, because men go around the room,

you get every kind of answer you can imagine. There are men that often sometimes men who say,

"I grew up and I knew my dad loved me, but he never told me." Or, "I grew up and my dad never

told me he was proud of me before." Of course, there were men that had, you know, dads that were

hurtful or abusive. One, one man, yes, he shared his story. He said, "My dad was Michael Landon."

He said, "What? Michael Landon from Little House on the Prairie?" And he said, "Yeah." He said,

"My real dad was gone all the time." So my mom was working nonstop. I was your typical latchkey kid,

like you're talking about Jonathan. And he said, "The only thing I ever learned about being a father,

I learned from watching Michael Landon on Little House on the Prairie." And I think,

that, you know, wherever you're at on that spectrum, like in my own life, I had a very loving father.

I felt safe in my home, which I count as a tremendous blessing. My dad told me that he loved me.

But there were things that my dad didn't do well. You know, he never really kind of showed me how to do

some of the things that men are expected to do. He didn't really have that kind of, you know,

masculine persona that, you know, encouraged me to feel like I could step into those difficult,

hard things. My dad didn't show me or tell me the day that I became a man, those right of passage,

types of experiences. So whatever your experience was with your dad growing up, there's going to be gaps.

And that's where there's a great power in being with other men and finding some spiritual

fathers in your life as well, who can help kind of pour into you in those areas where you feel like

your earthly dad was deficient in, and again, that's not to throw your earthly dad

under the bus, but just to say, Hey, you know, for me to be the man that I want to be,

and then ultimately to try to be the dad that I want to be for my own children,

I've got to fill in some gaps that, you know, that we're not given to me in my own childhood.

Yeah, that's absolutely true. And when we look to that, I mean, this isn't a new thing. You can go

as far back as David, maybe even further than that, but this is what comes to mind is David.

David was not really the best father. He had a lot of great qualities. And in the end, we know that

he was referred to by God as a man after his own heart, in spite of all his shortcomings and failures.

But there is a passage where it talks about David David's looking at the tent where the sanctuary dwelling

where God's presence physically stayed. And David's looking at the sanctuary and he's getting

almost angry. And he's like, what a dump. God's living in a dump and a tent. And I'm in this palace.

This is highly inappropriate. God should have a palace 10 times greater than mine. This is unacceptable.

That's it. I am making, I'm building a new temple for God and it's going to be far more magnificent

than my own. And it should be bigger and taller than mine. And mine should look small by comparison.

That's more appropriate. So he got it excited about it. You know, he had a conversation with Nathan. And

he told Nathan his plans. And of course, Nathan hadn't really consulted with God about it. So Nathan just

shot from the hip and said, yeah, sure, go do it. Go do it. Great idea. Love it. Yeah.

Goes away. Has a conversation with God and then God weighs in and has his own opinions about it.

Right. And then we know where God said, no, actually, no, I don't want you to build it. You're,

you've shed too much blood. You can, you can make the plans. You can drop the plans. You can connect,

you can collect the materials needed, but you're not to build it. Your son's going to build it.

Yeah. And that's when he breaks the news about his son. And then the next part is the profound part

where God makes it clear to David that he's going to be Solomon's father. He's going to parent him.

He's going to he's going to raise him and he's going to be responsible for rounding him out

to be able to take the throne to follow in his father's footsteps. Yeah.

Where God himself tells David that he's going to take that role. So that tells you a lot about

what God thinks about fatherhood. I also think of that as as an act of God's mercy,

demonstration of his character or being being merciful to David in spite of all of David's

shortcomings as a father. Absolutely. And it's it's a great reminder too for us that

none of us are going to get it right. Like we're all going to fall short in some area of our

duties as a as a father. And yet there's great mercy, there's forgiveness, there's opportunities to

to get back up and try again. And I think that's the goals that we want to keep pursuing these

these goals of being a great husband, great father, great leader. And when we don't get it right,

we tell our kids, hey, I'm sorry. I I failed you on this. I I fell short of this goal. This idea of

me being the perfect dad is, you know, it's full schooled. So when I get it wrong, I'm going to

let you know. And when I get it right, I'm going to give glory to the Lord. But ultimately we all

have a perfect Heavenly Father, which is what you're talking about, Jonathan. And that that reminds us

that even when I get into my 70s and hopefully, you know, I'm still regularly talking to my kids,

I'm going to constantly be saying to the Lord, God, show me how to be a father like you because I

don't have this thing figured out. How is the image of God tied to a dad's role? Well, of course,

we know that Jesus referred to, you know, God the Father as as a father. And so it gives us this

beautiful picture of a relational God, a God that loves His children. You know, that that we are

the children of God. And that is the relationship that we have with him. And so we look at God's

character and we see that he is slow to anger and quick to love a bounding and grace and mercy

strong and and just and all of these wonderful characteristics. And all of that helps us

to get a better idea of what God's intention for us as dads is to look like. And there's really nothing

more amazing than that than to say everything I need to know about being a father. I can learn

directly from God himself. And that's that's a unique privilege that we have as men and as fathers

to be able to relate to God in that way and for and to know that God relates to us in that same way.

What an incredible, incredible opportunity we have to love God and know God as our Father.

When I look around the inside of churches, I mostly see women. Maybe it's just me,

but that's the first question I ask is where are all of the men and why aren't they in church?

Well, you're not alone. We actually hosted a webinar last month entitled

Why Men Are Done with the Church and What We Can Do About It. And the truth is is that men are

leaving the church and church is losing men. The the U.S., the typical U.S congregation now,

draws an adult crowd that a 61% female and 39% male, one out of every four married Christian wives,

a 10 church without their husbands. There's definitely a disparity between men and women in the church.

And we could probably spend a lot of time trying to analyze why that is, but for a lot of men,

they just don't feel comfortable in church. A lot of men feel like they're not good at church.

That their wives are better at church than they are. A lot of men walk in. They see a lot of the

decorations. They hear love songs about Jesus. They see children's stories and all those things.

And they think, well, church is something for women and children. I probably, I think probably one of

the main things that I hear a lot of men tell me is that they just don't see how the church is helpful

for their lives Monday through Saturday. And so they're they're saying, I don't see how the church

is helping me to be better in my work, be better in my relationships. That's not helping me with

the inner struggles that I'm experiencing. And then, you know, candidly, I think that there are a lot

of men who have decided that they're done with church because they're disillusioned with the church.

The church has let them down that the church has disappointed them. There are leaders who have abused

their power or taken advantage of the congregation and men are just saying, yeah, if that's what church is

all about, I'm out. I don't want anything about, I don't want anything to do with it. So there are a lot

of reasons why men are not engaged in the church. But to me, it's trying to figure out what can we do

about it and how can we create pathways that will bring men back into a reconciled relationship

with the church? Because I think that there is a need for reconciliation between men and the

local church that's not really happening in most settings today. I completely agree with that. I think

there may be some strong opinions on those. And this is certainly my opinion. I would not expect

anyone to consider this fact. But I'll just say it, a lot of services tend to be very feminine in nature

and the way they're structured and, you know, it's this whole idea of, you know, this, this reverence

being quiet, you know, there's, and it depends, it just varies on the church that you go to, their

churches that are different. But across the board, that seems to be my observation is it's very different

for a different experience than what men actually need. Right. Right. And I think, you know, part of

the challenge for us, Jonathan is that we've got some cultural constructs about what masculinity looks

like it feels like. And then we've got some biblical constructs on masculinity. And those don't always

line up. But we have to recognize the culture that we live in. And so, you know, like just for instance,

you know, I think a lot of times when people think about men's ministry or masculine church and all

that kind of thing, there's this idea that that that that needs to be a bunch of lumberjacks and

jocks that are, you know, crutching beer cans on their head or wearing flannel and ultra muscular

with big beards and all that kind of stuff. And the truth is that none of those things really have

anything to do with what the scriptures and what God says true manhood and masculinity really is.

And so I think absolutely. Yeah. This, this, this, there's kind of a pendulum swing that we have to

be careful of within the church where it's like, okay, we're going to be a church that attracts men.

So we're going to focus solely on all of these external, you know, superficial masculine tropes that

we think will will communicate that we're a church for men. And I think that's a mistake as well. So

like, you know, the idea that say, let's say singing is feminine is not a biblical idea. And you

know, you're already pointed to David as an example of that. He was a man. He was a man after God's

own heart. He was a man that men wanted to emulate their lives after. And he was a musician. He was a

warrior. He was a musician. You know, you look at Jesus and you could probably make up two columns

of characteristics about Jesus that one would say in our, in our current cultural construct.

These are, these are characteristics that some my deem is feminine. And these are characteristics

that some my deem is masculine. And so we don't eliminate those characteristics of Jesus that don't,

you know, don't qualify themselves as masculine characteristics. But what we're trying to say to men

is, let's get to the heart of masculinity. And I think that's what you were just talking about with

that example of, you know, Paul's word to Timothy. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but

of power and love, self-discipline. And when you start talking and men and saying, this is what it

means to be a man, that you are fearless, that you are powerful, that you are, that you are sacrificial

in your love and that you are self-discipline. You have control over the way that you live your life

through the power of God, through the spirit of God in you. That's what it means to be a man.

And I think why I just, I feel passionate about this is that, you know, we don't want to,

we don't want to convince some men in the church that they are not true men because they don't

live up to that external, superficial cultural definition of manhood. We want to point all men

towards the biblical definitions of manhood and really emphasize that in the church.

Yes, absolutely. What are some of the action steps for a dad to become a strong

effective leader at home and in his community? Yeah, so I think it begins with number one,

you've got to choose, you know, think about what Joshua says, you know, choose for yourselves,

but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. So when we talk about choosing, we're talking about

being intentional, men have to prioritize being great husbands and great fathers, great leaders

in their lives. So when you think about the typical man, he generally speaking has prioritized

his career. He said, okay, I'm going to really work hard. I'm going to invest. I'm going to grow

so that I can have success in my career. But what steps is he taking to prioritize being successful

in those relationships that matter most in particular being a great dad? And so one of the things

that we really talked to men about is it is not a selfish thing to be in a group that is focusing

on growing in these areas. That's not a selfish thing. That's actually a selfless thing to take

time away from your day-to-day life to be invested in a cohort with other men, a band of brothers

that will encourage you and model for you and challenge you to step up in these areas of life.

And then, you know, Jonathan as a man of God as somebody that believes deeply in

in the power of scripture, I really believe that the most important thing that a godly father can do

is to make sure that he is a man of the word. And so I really challenge men to read the scriptures

daily, to memorize the scriptures, and then to pass on the things that he is learning in the

scriptures to his family, to his children, and to those that he has the opportunity to pour into

in mentor. And then I would say finally, when it comes to being a godly dad,

you've got to bring your children into a community where they can come to know the Lord for themselves.

And so for us, you know, again, in that Joshua spirit, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

We want men to be engaged in a local church body because this is a group effort. You know,

if I'm going to raise my children in the Lord, I need to invite the body of Christ to come along side

to provide additional mentors and encourages and supporters to strengthen our kids. And so I mean, just

wrote a quick example of that. My son is graduating from high school in a couple of weeks. He's 18 years old.

And this past Sunday afternoon, we were at a special graduation celebration that the youth

ministry that he's a part of was hosting. And I walked up to the youth leader afterwards and shook

his hand as a thank you for investing in my son, discipling him, providing a model, providing a group of

buddies that are also pursuing the Lord together that have helped shape him into the man that he is

today. And so I like, there are things that that that youth pastor in those group of guys have done for

my son that I could never give to him because he needs those different encourages in his life. But

it's my job to make sure that he has those opportunities to grow in that way. I would probably wrap that

up and say that that really is normally we end with a challenge. But I think that is, I think you've

pretty much laid out the challenge for dads. The action steps, what they need to do to be able to

become effective men and leaders in their home and in the community. Warren, how can dads learn

more about what you're doing and how can they connect with you? Yeah, you can find me on social media.

Most of my accounts are at W main art. But we'd encourage every man to check out impact players.org.

This is an organization that like I said, started in Seattle in 2004. But in the last couple years,

has really begun to spread its wings and grow. We are actively working to try to help

men and men's groups start cohorts and chapters all over the country. So if you or any man that is

listening would like to get some of our resources, find out about the model that we use to help

encourage, equip and empower men to be great husbands, fathers and leaders. I'd love to reach

reach out to you. I'd love to connect with you about that. And we have almost 20 different

seven week studies that we've created for men to go through in a group with other men that will

really encourage them and equip them to be great husbands, fathers and leaders. So we'd love to make

those available to all of your listeners. Follow us on all the social media's impact players is the

the search term to look for. But we're here to be a resource for men, men's ministries,

church leaders, anybody that's trying to reach men in this current age. Just to make it easier,

if you go to thefatherhoodchallenge.com, that's thefatherhoodchallenge.com. If you go to this episode,

look right below the episode description. I'll have all of the links posted there, including the links

to impact players. It will all be there for your convenience. Warren, thank you so much for being

on thefatherhoodchallenge. It's been an absolute honor to have you with us. Thank you.

Jonathan, thank you so much and thank you for what you're doing to invest in men and rebuild

us. A generation follows that it is an absolutely central work and a work worth investing in your life.

Thank you. Thank you for listening to this episode of thefatherhoodchallenge. If you would like to

contact us, listen to other episodes, find any resource mentioned in this program or find out more

information about thefatherhoodchallenge.com. That's thefatherhoodchallenge.com.

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