Secrets is a show about the secrets we all carry inside of us. How is it to be the one kept in the dark?

When Mohamed’s mom was left alone with her six children, she worked herself to death and eventually collapsed at home with a heart attack. Mohamed was 12 years old. Now, 25 years later, there is no one to answer the questions he would like to ask: How much did she know about Maria, the secret sister? How much did his father lie to her?

Also in episode four: Andrea Hunter and her boyfriend had two children together. Turns out he was also living a completely separate life in London – a life that she knew nothing about.

Secrets is produced and hosted by Mohamed El Abed and Martin Johnson, with additional reporting by Åsa Secher, from the Swedish production company, Soundtelling. Executive producer is Julie Shapiro. Artwork is by Sepidar Hosseini, and music is by Min stora sorg.

Secrets is a production of Showcase, from PRX’s Radiotopia. Find out more and listen to the previous series, Ways of Hearing and The Polybius Conspiracy, at radiotopia.fm/showcase.

Secrets #4 – Who Was My Mom?

What really happens when stories about people’s lives are collected, edited, and consumed? Radiotopia Presents: Shocking, Heartbreaking,Transformative is a four-part non-fiction series created by Jess Shane, about the nuts and bolts of documentary storytelling, the power dynamics between makers and subjects, and rewriting unwritten rules of the documentary and non-fiction content industry. Radiotopia Presents: Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative is written, hosted and produced by Jess Shane. Sara Nics is the story editor. Sound design, mix/mastering by Michelle Macklem. Production support from Mona Hassan. Cover art is by Justin Broadbent. Support for this project was provided in part by the International Women’s Media Foundation. Special thanks to Eleanor McDowall and Chioke I’Anson. For Radiotopia Presents, Yooree Losordo is the managing producer. Audrey Mardavich is the Executive Producer. It’s a production of PRX’s Radiotopia and part of Radiotopia Presents, a podcast feed that debuts limited-run, artist-owned series from new and original voices. Learn more about Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative at radiotopiapresents.fm and discover more shows from across the Radiotopia network at radiotopia.fm.

Society & Culture

Personal Journals

History

Philosophy

Places & Travel

Back in 2017, Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative host/producer Jess Shane made “Perfect Woman”, an episode of Love Me, the CBC podcast. In 2018, Nick van der Kolk made “Points of Egress” for his show, Love + Radio, inspired by “Perfect Woman”. Today, we come full circle to share “Points of Egress” with you. Listen to the end for Jess’s version of the credits.

Points of Egress from Love + Radio

After Jess receives feedback that throws a major wrench into her production schedule, she has to make some tough decisions.

Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative is written, hosted and produced by Jess Shane. Sara Nics is the story editor. Sound design, mix/mastering by Michelle Macklem. Production support from Mona Hassan. Cover art is by Justin Broadbent. Jess’s bibliography is available here.

This reporting was supported in part by the International Women’s Media Foundation’s Howard G.Buffett Fund for Women Journalists.

Special thanks to Eleanor McDowall and Chioke I’Anson.

For Radiotopia Presents, Yooree Losordo is the managing producer. Audrey Mardavich is the Executive Producer. It’s a production of PRX’s Radiotopia and part of Radiotopia Presents, a podcast feed that debuts limited-run, artist-owned series from new and original voices.

Learn more about Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative at radiotopiapresents.fm and discover more shows from across the Radiotopia network at radiotopia.fm.

We’d like to thank the extended Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative team, without whom you may not have heard about this project. For PRX marketing: Gretchen Borzi, David Cotrone, Sher Delva, Apu Goteh, and Maggie Gourville. For PRX sponsorship: Audrey Davidson, Melissa Garcia-Houle, Carolyn Willander, and Jeanne Yeh.

This series was possible thanks to Ernesto, Michael, and Judy, whose vibrant souls could never fit into the confines of any series.

Most of all, thank you for listening.

Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative 5 - Release

With only a few months till launch, Jess plays a draft of the series for her subjects and gives them an opportunity to request major changes.

Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative is written, hosted and produced by Jess Shane. Sara Nics is the story editor. Sound design, mix/mastering by Michelle Macklem. Production support from Mona Hassan. Cover art is by Justin Broadbent. Jess’s bibliography is available here.

This reporting was supported in part by the International Women’s Media Foundation’s Howard G.Buffett Fund for Women Journalists.

Special thanks to Eleanor McDowall and Chioke I’Anson.

For Radiotopia Presents, Yooree Losordo is the managing producer. Audrey Mardavich is the Executive Producer. It’s a production of PRX’s Radiotopia and part of Radiotopia Presents, a podcast feed that debuts limited-run, artist-owned series from new and original voices.

Learn more about Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative at radiotopiapresents.fm and discover more shows from across the Radiotopia network at radiotopia.fm.

Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative 4 - Feedback

Jess makes a deal with Judy, an unhoused senior. Judy will let Jess document her, and Jess will help Judy resolve some of her ongoing life problems. As Jess gets sucked into Judy's crises, the rest of the series starts to slip and Jess’ relationships with her other subjects get messy. Jess starts to doubt the premise of this entire undertaking.

Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative is written, hosted and produced by Jess Shane. Sara Nics is the story editor. Sound design, mix/mastering by Michelle Macklem. Production support from Mona Hassan. Cover art is by Justin Broadbent. Jess’s bibliography is available here.

This reporting was supported in part by the International Women’s Media Foundation’s Howard G.Buffett Fund for Women Journalists.

Special thanks to Eleanor McDowall and Chioke I’Anson.

For Radiotopia Presents, Yooree Losordo is the managing producer. Audrey Mardavich is the Executive Producer. It’s a production of PRX’s Radiotopia and part of Radiotopia Presents, a podcast feed that debuts limited-run, artist-owned series from new and original voices.

Learn more about Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative at radiotopiapresents.fm and discover more shows from across the Radiotopia network at radiotopia.fm.

Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative 3 - Win-Win

Jess begins by documenting Ernesto, a 20-year-old, newly sober fashion model. The plan is to pay Ernesto and let him be in charge of the story he wants to tell in the documentary. Things go sideways when Jess and Ernesto grapple with what will need to be cut out of Ernesto's life to turn it into a viable media product.

More about Pooja Rangan’s book Immediations HERE.

Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative is written, hosted and produced by Jess Shane. Sara Nics is the story editor. Sound design, mix/mastering by Michelle Macklem. Production support from Mona Hassan. Cover art is by Justin Broadbent. Jess’s bibliography is available here.

Support for this project was provided in part by the International Women’s Media Foundation. Special thanks to Eleanor McDowall and Chioke I’Anson.

For Radiotopia Presents, Yooree Losordo is the managing producer. Audrey Mardavich is the Executive Producer. It’s a production of PRX’s Radiotopia and part of Radiotopia Presents, a podcast feed that debuts limited-run, artist-owned series from new and original voices.

Learn more about Shocking, Heartbreaking, Transformative at radiotopiapresents.fm and discover more shows from across the Radiotopia network at radiotopia.fm.

Secrets #4 – Who Was My Mom?

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