You have been leaning upon judgment. As you become more willing to be happy, you also become more willing to notice and admit to pain. Any instance of any kind of pain is always caused by leaning upon judgment for security. Judgment promises security, but it has none to deliver. Judgment, delivered by ego, always causes pain. When it seems to cause pleasure, it just distracts temporarily from the pain that is inevitable. When you realize that accepting judgment from ego causes pain every time, ego’s judgmental thoughts lose their appeal.