In this episode of FocusED, we welcome Lori Woodley Langendorf, author of SEL Muscle Mastery, to explore the power of social emotional literacy in schools. Lori challenges the traditional view of SEL as something we “teach and check off,” reframing it as a lifelong literacy—no different than reading or math. It’s not a program. It’s a practice.

As a former school counselor and co-founder of All It Takes, Lori shares how simple, human moments—like a student holding a door open—can reveal the deeper need for intentional relationship-building in schools. Her work centers on six “SEL muscles,” skills we must actively strengthen to build resilience and connection.

Two key muscles we unpack:

• Quit Taking It Personal (Q-TIP): When we stop internalizing others’ behaviors, we create space for curiosity and compassion. Not every reaction is about us.
• The Power of “I”: Owning our feelings and needs builds trust. Vulnerability—when appropriate—models emotional regulation and authentic leadership.

Lori reminds us that emotional intelligence, like physical strength, atrophies without use. We must practice it. That includes modeling vulnerability as leaders. Pretending to be perfect erodes trust; naming a hard day builds credibility and connection.

We also explore the tension between technology and humanity. While AI and innovation continue to reshape learning, Lori emphasizes that humans are wired for community. No advancement replaces the need for face-to-face relationships, shared experiences, and emotional safety.

Finally, Lori offers a practical daily habit: notice your autopilot. Where are you holding back from a conversation, a moment of vulnerability, or a courageous step? Growth begins when we recognize what’s stopping us and choose differently.

This conversation is a powerful reminder that relationships start within. When we strengthen our own SEL muscles, we create schools where students—and adults—can truly thrive.