femmyst | everyday alchemya really good look | part 2 FOG fear obligation guilt → the fogwhen you take a really good look and the light comes on, it can feel like the basement of a hoarder. all of what was hidden under the carpet. all of the entanglements and crossed wires. that is the fog. and fog is weather. it passes as you move through it.→ FOG: Fear, Obligation, Guiltthe three forces that cloud your selection. when you want to make a choice from your centre, one of these rolls in and steers you instead. they can feel like morals. they feel urgent and real. they are not always your values. interrogate where they came from before you let them run your decisions.→ choices you thought were freeyou might not try something new because you're worried about leaving someone behind. you might soften the boundary until you've backed off it entirely. you might align to your expansion and call it disloyalty. none of those are free choices. they are FOG wearing the costume of conviction.→ I would fold like a towelsetting other people's expectations over time that you would back down. not seeing it until you looked. then seeing how long that tango had been going. that's the one. not blame. just visibility.→ the natural impulse vs the programmed oneyou might think a reaction is instinct when it is actually a trained response with guilt or fear running underneath. measuring your impulses against your actual values helps you see which one you're working with.→ soothe the critic, feed the thirsty woundupholding someone else's reality. validating more than necessary. engaging in a behaviour so someone else doesn't feel judged. these are the relational fog moves. they feel kind. they get crossed with your own needs and you lose the thread of what you actually want.→ fog is not the enemyit is retraining. with genuinely good intentions your wires got crossed. the fog keeps you moving slowly enough that you can't take the old path anymore. you're going by feel. let that be enough while the fog clears.for a specific few:• ⧼the one who has been folding like a towel for years and calling it kindness, 5:14 is the moment⧽────────0:00 - let's talk about the fog, getting into the weeds of the audit0:37 - FOG: Fear Obligation Guilt, it's weather, it passes1:29 - FOG clouds your selection, triggers you into obligation2:29 - morals and values need to be interrogated, where did they come from3:29 - choices you think you're making freely but attached to guilt or fear4:21 - softening the blow of the no, backing off the boundary5:14 - setting others' expectations that I would fold like a towel6:14 - I can blame myself later, for right now just see it clearly7:13 - doing something kind that's taxing you, resentment on the back end8:06 - validation overdoing, upholding shared reality, soothe the critic, thirsty wound8:58 - fog is not the enemy, wires got crossed with good intentions9:58 - fog keeps you moving slowly so you can't take the old path10:58 - let the guilt go, let the fear be, let the obligation be questioned11:50 - fog is not your values, you can feel it and still choose your north────────