Self-love Science with Janice Cruz

I believe hope is a warrior's emotion that we evolved with as a survival mechanism. It is the part of the human spirit that will blast through broken resolve. It is the feeling that flood's through someone in the most dire of circumstance and gives them the sensation of triumph so that they can push through. Where does your hope live? What would you need to do to access is? Tune in for a unique perspective on what purpose this emotion serves. 

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Are you worthy of sunshine? We all create our own worldview and we end up filling up with logic that prevents us from our own greatness. Sometimes this way of being feels unchangeable but where did these beliefs come from? Whose permission do you need to feel love, joy, and happiness? Whose permission do you need to be brave enough, daring enough, or good enough to follow your dreams? This week is about self-worth and the simple ways we can prove that we are, in fact, worthy and deserving of everything we desire. 

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Are you running from fate or towards your dreams? This week's episode was recorded in July 2021 on the day that I decided to quit living life fully. Sometimes you're running so fast from your fears it seems as though they have disappeared, until you crash into a wall. When all of life is spent on developing strength, being independent, when we're taught that being complete self sufficient is by definition what makes you strong, falling apart feels like losing. It isn't. There are moments when you need let everything break so much that it can't fit back together the same. 

Post traumatic stress can come from anything from critical illness to growing up in poverty. It feels like someone is standing behind reminding you that time is running out and that if you don't do everything at once, if you don't get it right the first time, you will lose everything and have nothing. 

I'm grateful for this experience and even more for the bravery I have developed.

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Music by Ariel

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In this week's episode I talk about a model of reality where everything works. Throughout a very long and intense journey through healing from critical illness, there was one way of thinking that remained in tact. This belief in "goodness" is what has allowed me to survive through emotional and physical hell, through pain and loss, through self-destruction and hopelessness. Creating even just a mustard seed sized amount of belief in something outside of yourself has an incredible amount of power to pull you out of dire circumstances. This is one of the foundational beliefs that ended up leading me down this path of deep reverence for life and happiness. 

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If bravery were your superpower, what would you do with it? The science of self-love is a process of reducing the contracting emotions, such as fear, and increasing the expanding emotions, such as courage. When you stop at fear you don't get to experience the rush of expansive emotion that comes with taking brave action on something you thought you would never be able to to. 

The reward for bravery is knowing where the fork in the road ends. You know that popular concept of asking old people what their regrets are in life or what they're happy they did? I learned to make choices starting from that moment and working backwards. Ask the question, if I don't take the brave action, when I look back at this moment will I wonder what would have happened if I didn't do this? Bravery gives you answers. What you learn isn't always what you wanted. You don't always land on what you hoped something would result in. But you'll know. 

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This week I'll talk about how I conquered fear. Fear can be the most debilitating of emotions. When we think about danger and trauma, either from memory or imagination, our bodies go into a fight or flight mode. Intelligent design has a built in future prediction module. If you imagine bad things are happening, your brain sends the protection signals out to your body even if you're just stirring your coffee and anticipating a conversation in the future. 

I suffered from crippling fear for years until the worst case scenario actually happened and I was diagnosed with critical illness. I instantly recognized that living in fear does not protect danger from coming. Listen in for how you can stop fear from controlling you. 

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This week I dive into the formula for peace and joy. As I worked intensely on my healing journey, I spent a lot of my time analyzing the process. I was working as a test and quality engineer at the time and part of my role was to streamline process and to analyze what worked well and what could have gone better. I was creating test plans by utilize logical thinking that required me to break processes down into the very basic foundational data. I applied this thinking to healing and what I found was that with emotions, the formulas are very basic. The depth to which we can heal is dependent on various layers of commitment, drive, emotional intelligence, and willingness to release the identity that holds on to the brokenness. 

Is attachment the root of all suffering? This week I get real about cancer. (This episode is prerecorded from July). Imagine the dealing with suffering as a result of attachment the thing matters most in life: life itself. I had a day where all of the pain from all the different areas in my life decided to meet up in an effort to knock me down so that I could re-evaluate life from the ground up. I think these breakdowns are an essential part of massive growth and change that makes us who we are. I think breakdowns are part of the intelligent design. It's the overflow of emotions that are meant to keep us away from what doesn't serve our greater good. 

Dr. Michael Beckwith said "pain pushes until vision pulls." I think everything needs to crash and burn so that we can rebuild from the wreckage. Sometimes the pieces need to shatter so much that they can never be put back together the same way because we would just be rebuilding the vessel that holds our pain. 

Trigger warning: I talk about death in this episode and share a level of vulnerability that I don't believe I've share with anyone in life. It is terrifying on some days and incredible on other days. I am so happy and grateful for life, for joy, for another day. Sometimes I need to let myself fall apart. Sometimes I need to share the uncomfortable truth that of what critical illness really is. Sometimes I need to be brave enough to be honest and let light into the room. 

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What does it mean to be truly yourself? How do you get to it? Three years ago I had strayed to far away from my truest self that I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. I couldn't understand how my life had take such a turn that I ended up living in fear, anxiety, pain, depression, and loathing. What I understand now is that the farther we stray away from our most authentic self, the more unhappy we become. Every time you suppress your emotions, your expression, your light, you are breaking your spirit down. In this week's episode I talk about my experience of being a person who never expressed myself and who had developed a high tolerance for abuse. I learned to speak up and to show up as myself. This led to the overwhelming happiness as a result of finally becoming my truest self. 

If today when you look in the mirror you don't see the absolutely beautiful, worthy, amazing self, then you can't see yourself at all. What words are running through your mind when you stare at your reflection? If that voice in your head came out and became a physical person next to you, would you hang out with them? Your mind is like a board that has been written over thousands of times with a dry erase market. After a lifetime, you can't see what you started with because there are too many thoughts written over it. This week we're talking about clearing the mirror. How can you regain access to your dopest self?