SEND the Mums

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You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

What should you actually be asking for at school?

This week, Kirsty and I are talking about some of the things we’ve tried with the boys over the years, from movement breaks and quieter spaces to trusted adults, different transitions and the little adjustments that have ended up making a massive difference.

We’ve been visiting some local SEND groups recently and found ourselves hearing the same thing from parents again and again. Their child is struggling, they know something needs to change, but they have absolutely no idea what to ask for.

And that’s the problem. You don’t know what you don’t know.

With some turbulent times ahead for the SEND provision at our own school, it’s also got us thinking about what actually works for our boys, what they need to access school and the support we’ve learnt to ask for over the years.

So we’re sharing what’s worked wonders for us, what hasn’t, and some of the things we really wish we’d known to ask about much earlier.

Hopefully, there’s something in this episode that makes you think, hang on… could that help my child too? 🤍

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How Are SEND Parents Supposed to Work?

This week we’re asking a question we know a lot of SEND parents will relate to… how are we actually supposed to work?

We’re talking about the reality of trying to hold down a job or build a career alongside school calls, appointments, paperwork, childcare that doesn’t always meet our children’s needs and the general unpredictability that comes with SEND parenting.

We also look at some pretty shocking recent statistics around how having a child with SEND affects parents’ employment and earning potential, and talk honestly about how it’s shaped our own working lives.

Plus, we check in on those new school year resolutions we made a couple of weeks ago. Because obviously they were all going to plan beautifully. 🫠😂

Has SEND changed the way you work? Have you reduced your hours, changed career, become self employed or had to stop working altogether?

We want to hear your about your experience. 🤍

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The six weeks are over and it’s time to send them back and if we’re completely honest, we’ve got very mixed feelings about it. 🫠

This week we’re chatting about what going back to school actually looks like after spending six weeks trying to get our children regulated. We’re anxious about what the next few weeks might bring, how quickly the overwhelm might creep back in and whether we’ll start seeing the same struggles we had before summer.

We also have a bit of a rant about school holiday fines, because obviously we couldn’t help ourselves 😂, and we’ve come up with our own new school year resolutions about what we’re going to try to do differently this time around.

Basically, the uniforms are ready, the kids are going back and we’re cautiously waiting to see what happens next.

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WE’RE IN DOUBLE DIGITS! 🎉 EPISODE 10!

This week we’re talking friendships, and how much they can change once children come along, especially when SEND becomes part of the picture.

We chat about the friends you had before children, the ones that slowly drift away, the people who surprise you by sticking around, and the completely unexpected friendships you find along the way.

There’s the comparing your child to everyone else’s, the awkward birthday parties, cancelling plans because you already know it’s not going to work, and that horrible feeling of wondering if people are judging your parenting because they don’t really understand your child.

But we also talk about the good bit.

Finding people who just get it.

Friends who understand the meltdowns, the last-minute changes, the school battles, the assessments, the constant overthinking and the fact that sometimes you might disappear from the group chat for a week and come back as if nothing happened.

Neither of us expected the school playground to give us some of our closest friends, but somehow that’s exactly what happened.

And honestly, having a little village of people who understand your children and understand you can make such a difference.

If you’ve ever felt your friendships changed when you became a parent, especially of a SEND child, or you’re still trying to find your people, this one’s for you. 🤍

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The school holidays are here and we’re already remembering just how much our children rely on the routine that school gives them.

This week we’re chatting about what the summer holidays actually look like in our houses. The lack of routine, boundaries being well and truly tested, and the constant juggling act of trying to make sure everyone in the family gets what they need.

Because when you have a child with SEN, it can be really easy for their needs to steer what the whole family does. Where we go, how long we stay, what we do and, occasionally, whether we bother going at all. 🫠

We’re trying to get a little cleverer this summer and find ways to meet the boys’ needs without everything revolving around them, while also accepting that sometimes our best laid plans are going straight in the bin.

At one point we mention that we may need a welfare check by the time this episode actually comes out...

Good news. We’re still here. 😂

Six weeks though...It's an awfully long time. 🤍

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School Refusal and When Every Morning Feels Like a Battle

Please note: This episode contains emotional discussions around school refusal, parental burnout and the impact it has on the whole family. Kirsty becomes understandably emotional while sharing her family's experience.

This week, Kenna chats to Kirsty about what life has been like with Ed, who struggles to go into school almost every day.

Together, we talk about the reality of those mornings, the emotional toll it takes on the whole family, and what it feels like when you're doing everything you can but still don't have the support your child needs.

We discuss why transitions can be so difficult for some neurodivergent children, what happens when school struggles to put the right support in place, and the heartbreaking reality of watching your child become increasingly distressed.

This is one of our most raw and honest conversations yet. There are tears, frustration and moments that many SEND parents will recognise all too well.

If school refusal is something your family is living through, we hope this episode helps you feel seen, understood and a little less alone. 🤍

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Who looks after the SEND parent?

In this episode, we’re turning the conversation back onto ourselves.

After a few really tough weeks, Kirsty and I sat down for a proper catch-up about how we’ve actually been feeling. The end of the school year, endless school requests, emotional exhaustion, and trying to hold everything together while our children need us more than ever.

We talk honestly about burnout, guilt, why everything can sometimes feel so relentless, and how easy it is to lose yourself while you’re busy looking after everyone else. We also touch on our own experiences of postnatal depression and the impact it had on us.

There’s no advice in this one. Just two mums having a real conversation and reminding each other, and hopefully you, that it’s okay to admit when you’re struggling.

Because sometimes the person who needs looking after is the one doing all the looking after. 🤍

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Episode 6, we’re chatting about two big milestones that happened recently for our boys: their First Holy Communion and Sports Day.

We talk honestly about why both events filled us with so much anxiety, from wondering whether the boys would make it through their First Holy Communion with their PDA and big emotions, to worrying about how we’d be judged if things didn’t quite go to plan.

We also talk about Sports Day and why, for so many SEND parents, it can be a bit of a gut punch. Watching your child alongside their peers can bring up all sorts of emotions, and sometimes you’re not just cheering them on, you’re quietly grieving the things that come more easily to other children.

It’s a honest conversation about celebrating our children for who they are, while also acknowledging that some milestones look and feel very different in a SEND family.

If you’ve ever found yourself worrying more about an event than actually enjoying it, this one’s for you 🤍

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New episode 🎙️

And this week we have a new host joining us, the wonderful Leanne 🤍

This time we’re talking about family holidays with neurodivergent children.

The packing lists that need their own packing list. The travelling. The safe foods. The disrupted routines. The stares from strangers when things don’t quite go to plan. And whether holidays are actually relaxing when you’re still parenting 24/7, just in a different location.

Because the truth is, our holidays often look a little different to most.

We talk about the things people don’t always see, and why a successful holiday doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.

If you’ve ever packed half your house “just in case”, this one’s for you 🤍

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This episode is all about school systems and just how exhausting they can be as a SEND parent.

We chat about our own experiences, meetings, emails, trying to be heard, and how different support can look depending on where you live.

We also know we’re lucky in some ways because not every family has schools or staff that are supportive, understanding, or willing to work with them, and we really wanted to acknowledge that too.

It’s basically just a very honest conversation about how tiring it all is sometimes. Constantly advocating for your child while trying to keep yourself together at the same time 🤍