Good feelings are easy to create in new relationships. Being the center of attention, getting exposed to new activities, and sharing details of your life with someone who listens will draw any two people together. You believe you are paying attention to the other person, but you are only paying attention to how that person is making you feel. You rely on the person for an inner sense of significance. From that point on, your behaviors in the relationship become unconsciously manipulative. You may create conflict with the person, so their decision to remain with you feeds your need for significance. Conflict is a state of arousal that some couples substitute for intimacy. Becoming passive in the relationship so that the person is not tempted

to leave is the path of least resistance. Sometimes helplessness or neediness is used to guilt the person into remaining. Each of these patterns is a manipulation based on fear and produces unhealthy relationships.

Conflict is a state of arousal that some couples substitute for intimacy. Becoming passive in the relationship so that the person is not tempted to leave is the path of least resistance. Sometimes helplessness or neediness is used to guilt the person into remaining. Each of these patterns is a manipulation based on fear and produces unhealthy relationships. Unhealthy relationships require one or both partners to live small. Unhealthy attachment is signified by insecurity and uncertainty in relationships. There is a desire for constant affirmation. While you may get plenty of it in the beginning, relationships settle, and instead of trust and safety forming, fear of abandonment grows.