How do you continue to serve, love, and show kindness to someone — especially a father or father figure — who hurt you deeply and possibly continues to do so now? without becoming bitter, resentful, or allowing yourself to be used?

How do you keep your heart soft when everything in you wants to pull away, withhold kindness, or make them “feel” what they made you feel?

When someone has wounded us deeply, the natural response is often self-protection.

We might feel justified in withholding kindness, thinking, “They don’t deserve my help or my love.”

But love doesn’t stop being love just because someone failed to deserve it.

When we’ve been wounded by fathers or father figures, it’s natural to become guarded — even resentful. We might find ourselves thinking, Why should I serve them? Why should I be kind when they’ve caused so much pain?

But God calls us to live differently. He calls us to serve and love others not because they are worthy, but because He is worthy.

Serving in love doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or pretending that the pain never happened. It means refusing to let bitterness define our behavior. It means reflecting God’s heart even in hard spaces.

Signs Bitterness or Indifference Might Be Creeping In and You’re Struggling to Serve in Love

* You no longer want to do kind things for your father or father figure.

* You feel tempted to withhold help or goodness to “teach them a lesson.”

* You feel resentment or bitterness when helping.

* You’re doing things out of guilt or obligation rather than peace and obedience

* You fear that saying no will make you unloving or disobedient to God.

* You feel numb or indifferent — not angry, but disconnected. You’re serving, but your heart is cold or reluctant.

* You find yourself thinking, “They don’t deserve my kindness.”

These are natural responses to pain, but they’re not where God wants us to stay.

If any of these resonate, you’re not alone. Healing often brings us face-to-face with how hard it is to love like Jesus did — especially when it involves those who were meant to protect, not harm, us.

Understanding Why God Calls Us to Serve in Love

When we serve others with love — even those who’ve hurt us — we’re not excusing their actions. We’re reflecting the nature of Christ.

Serving in love is not about them. It’s about our relationship with God. It’s about who we become in the process.

Colossians 3:23–24 (NIV)

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

This verse reminds us that everything we do — every act of service, forgiveness, or compassion — should be done unto God, not man.

our acts of kindness aren’t about proving worthiness — they’re about honouring God’s heart in us.

Biblical Perspective

Romans 12:19–20 (NIV)

“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’”

This passage doesn’t mean we should do good to secretly hope for someone’s downfall. Rather, it reminds us that God is the ultimate judge and defender.We must trust that God sees, God knows, and God will handle what we cannot. When we choose kindness, we release ourselves from the burden of seeking justice. We say, “God, I trust You to handle what I can’t.”

1 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV)

“Love… keeps no record of wrongs.” Love doesn’t deny that wrongs occurred — it simply refuses to live enslaved to them.

Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” When bitterness tries to take over, this verse teaches us to redirect our focus. We don’t dwell on what they did; we meditate on what God is doing.

Hebrews 12:2 (NIV)

“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith…” Keeping our eyes on Christ reminds us why we choose love even when it’s hard.

The Spiritual Truth

When you serve in love:

* You are not validating their actions; you are honouring God’s.

* You are not weak; you are walking in supernatural strength.

* You are not losing your voice; you are gaining spiritual authority.

Love is warfare.

When you choose to love instead of retaliate, you disarm the enemy. You silence the cycle of hate, rejection, and revenge — and invite God’s peace to reign.

Serving in Love Does Not Mean Being a Doormat

Serving in love doesn’t mean silencing your boundaries. It doesn’t mean allowing someone — even a father or father figure — to mistreat, manipulate, or take advantage of your willingness to serve.

There’s a difference between serving from love and serving from fear or guilt. Love is rooted in truth. It honours both God and yourself.

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is to say no — especially when saying yes would allow someone to continue in pride, entitlement, or manipulation.

God never calls us to kindness that compromises justice or truth.

Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) reminds us to

“speak the truth in love.”

You can lovingly say, “I can’t do that,” and still honour God. You can set a boundary and still have a soft heart. You can decline manipulation and still walk in grace.

Reflection & Journaling Prompts

* Am I withholding kindness from someone because of resentment, or as a form of self-protection or control?

* How can I serve or show love while still maintaining healthy boundaries?

* What does “doing it unto God” mean to me in this season?

* What does serving in love look like in my current situation?

* Where do I need to release control and trust God to bring justice?

* What would change in my heart if I truly kept my eyes on Jesus in this relationship?

* Do I confuse saying no with being unloving?

Affirmation

I choose to serve and love from a pure heart, not because others deserve it, but because God is worthy. I walk in truth, not in fear. I am kind without compromising my worth. I release resentment and entrust justice to God. My love is an act of worship, and my kindness reflects His nature in me. My service honours God, not manipulation.

Key Verse

Colossians 3:23–24 (NIV)

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters… It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

Beloved, choosing to serve in love isn’t easy — especially when the person has hurt you deeply.But this is where healing becomes holiness.

It is not about erasing the past or pretending the pain didn’t happen — it’s about reflecting God’s heart in spite of it.

It’s about being so anchored in His love that you no longer need to control outcomes or prove worthiness. Because when your eyes are fixed on God, no act of love is ever wasted.

When you serve those who have wounded you with love, you don’t lose yourself — you find yourself in Christ.You reflect the One who washed Judas’ feet knowing He’d betray Him.You walk in the kind of love that transforms hearts — starting with your own.

Until next time, stay rooted in truth, wrapped in grace, and always remember — you are beloved. 💛

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