The world tries to tell us what success and wealth and popularity and beauty and all those things should look like, and by definition therefore, who we should aspire to be. But what if life’s not about those outward measures of success at all?

BODY BEAUTIFUL

Let me start today by letting you in on a little secret, so that you understand where I’m coming from on this whole body-image thing. For most of my adult-life until a few years ago, I hated seeing myself. I hated looking at my face in the mirror, and I hated even more seeing a photo of myself. In fact, as much as possible, I avoided photos. Why? Because I was grossly overweight, and that was something that I was deeply ashamed of. I struggled with my weight all my life, and as someone who pretty much always succeeds at things I turn my hand to, I hated (I mean, I absolutely hated) the fact that I couldn’t succeed at looking good.

It’s a terrible thing, I can tell you, not to want to look at yourself in the mirror. You avoid it studiously, and it eats away at your self-esteem. People would never have guessed it of the apparently bold and confident Berni Dymet, but it was the scourge of my life. Of course, I finally found out what was causing me to be so grossly overweight, and that’s something that I share in a free E-booklet called ‘How I Lost 25 kgs.’ You can download it from the Resources section of our website, ChristianityWorks.com if you’re interested. Thousands already have.

But do you see my point? When I come to talk about body image, I’m speaking as someone who has struggled with the body-image thing for most of his life, so this is not a theory lesson; this is someone whose life has been transformed by Christ speaking here.

Now before we get rocking and rolling to talk about the emotional side of body image, let me say this: What I am not saying is that we shouldn’t worry about our health and our weight. The thing that’s causing gross obesity on a global pandemic scale is our addiction to sugar and processed foods. Get rid of those two things out of your diet, get back to what your grandparents and their parents were eating (yes, including bacon, eggs and all those things), and the weight just comes off. Absolutely, get back to natural whole foods, but weight isn’t the only thing that ruins our sense of body image.

Some people just think they look ugly, ok? Some of us don’t fit the stereotypical images of beauty that we see in the glossy magazines and on television. In fact, the reality is that most of us don’t, right? But that doesn’t stop many people from feeling visually inadequate. Some people have birthmarks or scars, or perhaps you’re shorter than you’d like to be, or taller than you want to be, or you wish your hair was a different colour or those wrinkles would just go away. There’s any number of things that we fret about when it comes to body image, and for many people, it simply ruins their lives. Am I right?

So, where do we go with this? If you’re someone whose body image is ruining their life, do you want to be set free from that (I mean, completely, totally and utterly set free from that)? Then stick with me because that’s what we’re going to be doing right now: Not because I happen to have anything profound to say, but because God does, and first up, this is what He has to say about body-image. Are you ready? This comes from a time when the prophet Samuel was sent by God to find a new king to replace King Saul of Israel, who’d gone off the rails. Have a listen (1 Samuel 16:1-13):

The LORD said to Samuel, ‘How long are you going to grieve Saul? I have rejected him from being king over Israel, so fill your horn with oil and set out. I will send you to Jesse the Bethlehemite, for I have provided for Myself a king among his sons.’ 

So, Samuel did what the LORD commanded and he came to Bethlehem, and sanctified Jesse and his sons and invited them to the sacrifice. When they came, he looked on Eliab and thought, ‘Surely the LORD’s anointed is now before me.’

But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.’

Then Jesse called Abinadab and made him pass before Samuel. He said, ‘Neither has the LORD chosen this one.’ 

Then Jesse made Shammah pass by, and he said, ‘Neither has the LORD chosen this one.’

Jesse made seven of his sons pass before Samuel, and Samuel said to Jesse, ‘The LORD has not chosen any of these.’ Samuel said to Jesse, ‘Are all your sons here?’

And he said, ‘There remains yet the youngest son, but he is out keeping the sheep.’

And Samuel said to Jesse, ‘Send and bring him, for we will not sit down until he comes.’

He sent and brought him. Now he was ruddy and had beautiful eyes and was handsome, and the LORD said, ‘Rise and anoint him, for this is the one.’

Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers, and the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon David from that day forward. Samuel then set out and went to Ramah.

Now that’s a profound story of how God chose David, who turned out to be the greatest king that Israel ever had, and notice that David was the runt of the litter. He was the little one, considered so unlikely that his father didn’t even put him before the prophet. Samuel thought, ‘Oh, number one son. You know – the tall, the good-looking one … That’s the one that’s going to be king’, but God said to the prophet, ‘Do not look upon his outward appearance or on the height of his stature because I have rejected him. For the LORD does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.’

Listen to me. God doesn’t give two hoots about your physical stature. That’s the last thing He’s interested in! What He’s interested in is who you are – your heart, and if that’s the most precious thing in God’s sight, isn’t it time to ditch this whole body-image inadequacy thing that you’ve been going on about? Well? What you look like is, by and large, God’s sovereign choice. Other than perhaps your weight and a few cosmetic things, the rest is completely out of your control; what matters is who you are – your sense of humour; your heart; your passions; the gifts God’s given you. If that matters most to God, shouldn’t that be what matters most to you?

DRESS TO IMPRESS

I haven’t had that many job-interviews in my life. In fact, I’ve only really had two of them, but the first one is the one that I remember most. It was a daylong selection board they called it, in front of some generals and colonels who were selecting candidates to train as officers in the Australian army. There were about twenty of us young men there vying for contention, and about six or seven of these senior officers. They spent the whole day putting us through the hoops. There were group-sessions where we were asked questions. We each had to get up and give an impromptu speech. There was an obstacle course that we had to traverse, with problems to solve along the way … All sorts of different things. It was an exhausting day, I can tell you, and the whole time, you were really trying to impress these guys because you wanted to be selected to train as an officer. The pressure was intense.

Out of the twenty of us, just three or four made it through. I happened to be one of them, and then for the next four years at the Royal Military College, Duntroon, we were constantly being assessed. Every time you interacted with one of the military or academic staff, they were assessing you and constantly filling in these pink slips (“OQ9’s”, they were called) that were entered into a computer system. Almost without notice, a fellow officer/cadet would be plucked from a class, and discharged because they hadn’t measured up. We started off with 148 young men in our class, and yet only 61 of us graduated 4 years later – I by the skin of my teeth, because I had failed the cross-country run by a few seconds in my final year.

It seems to be the way of the world, doesn’t it? We’re constantly under the microscope; constantly being assessed and evaluated in the workplace, in social settings, on the sporting fields … It’s almost like we’ve been conditioned to compete, and in a competitive environment, if you want to succeed, you have to impress other people. I remember a publisher telling me that if I wanted to succeed at the book-writing game, I’d have to become a shameless self-promoter. That’s terrible, isn’t it? And self-promotion, having your own PR-machine to tell other people how good you are, seems to be the order of the day. We dress to impress.

But what I’ve discovered is that all this competition makes you insecure, and the shameless self-promotion that many people carry on with is simply a mask behind which they hide in deep insecurity. You’ve been there; I’ve been there, and it’s simply no way to live your life. We’re in the middle of a series of messages called "So … How’s Your Self-Image Looking", and the reason that we’re chatting about this whole self-promotion thing today is that for many people, it’s white-anting their sense of self.

God actually has something very specific to say on this because He knows that it’s no way to live your life, hiding behind that mask of insecurity. If who you are on the outside is different from who you are on the inside, you end up feeling like you’re being torn apart. You end up feeling that you have to spend your whole life pretending; impressing other people; dancing to their tune; marching to the beat of their drum. You end up feeling like a fraud, with a fear that someone’s going to catch you out – that they’ll discover that really, you aren’t anywhere near as good as they think you are.

I hope you can tell that I’m speaking first-hand here, because this is very much how I lived my life before Jesus set me free. Have a listen to these two Scriptures from God’s Word. 1 Samuel 2:3:

Talk no more so very proudly; let no arrogance come from your mouth, for the LORD is a God of knowledge, and by Him actions are weighed.

And also Proverbs 27:1-2:

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring. Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.

What God’s saying is, stop boasting. Stop being so full of yourself, because arrogance is foolish. God is a God of knowledge. He knows what you’re on about. He sees through all of that façade and all that rubbish, and while some people might be intimidated by pride and arrogance, most of them (like God) can see straight through it.

Who cares what you say about how good you are, or what you can do, or what you’ve achieved, or what you’re going to do? Self-praise is pretty much worthless. In fact, it has negative value in most people’s eyes, including in God’s eyes. So much better to just get out there and do good, and let someone else praise you; not your own mouth, a stranger even; not your own lips.

When I was in the army as an officer, each year, we had a formal confidential report written on each one of us. There were two types of officers: Those who set out to impress their superiors so that they’d get a good annual confidential report, and those who just got on and did good and led their soldiers and honoured their seniors, and didn’t think at all about their annual report, and it was the latter (not the former) group that I wanted to follow into battle. It was the latter (not the former) who we spoke well of. You see self-promotion is ugly. It’s ugly on the outside to those who receive it, and it’s ugly on the inside because it feeds a deep insecurity and makes you feel even more insecure.

If you’re someone who constantly worries about what other people think of you, just stop it! Stop it. It ain’t worth it, and you can never please them all. Just get on; do good; honour God. Let the rest take care of itself. Sometimes people will love you; sometimes people will criticise you – who cares? And even more to the point, let God take care of it for you. 1 Peter 5:5-6:

God opposes the proud, but He gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time.

See, the bottom line is this: Self-promotion is nothing; nothing compared to God-promotion. Listen. "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time"! When we humble ourselves, we start to discover a deep security in Christ, and we end up reaping the benefits of His promotion in due time.

STOP COMPARING

Who was it, during your teenaged years that you compared yourself to? Most of us, we had a few people back then to whom we looked as the ideal image. First up, there was probably a peer. If you’re a male, it was another boy; if you’re a female, it was another girl … It was that one person that you wished you could be like then … As good-looking; as well-liked; as smart; as athletic. Whatever it is that you admired about them and the life that they had, it gnawed away at you on the inside that you weren’t as blessed in that department as they were.

If you’re a girl, probably what you envied was that other girl‘s appearance. If you’re a boy, probably what you envied was that other boy’s popularity – the fact that everyone seemed to listen to him. He was the leader of the pack, and you were just … well, you. At another level, there was probably an adult that you wished and dreamed you would grow up to be like. Perhaps it was a movie star, or a sporting star, or somebody famous that you dreamed that one day you’d be like them.

I’m sure all that brings back some memories for you: A few things that you haven’t thought about for a very, very long time, or perhaps you’re still thinking about them. Perhaps you’re still comparing yourself with other people, wondering why it is that you never quite seem to measure up to the ideal person that you see in them. You find yourself comparing your marriage to your best friend’s marriage, thinking: ‘Why can’t my wife or my husband be as passionately in-love with me as they are?’ Or perhaps that other person at work, who seems to be so articulate and well liked. Whenever someone needs something, they always go to that person instead of coming to you.

So why do we do that? What’s the matter with us that we’re constantly comparing ourselves to other people? Well in part, it comes naturally in a sense and to some extent, some comparison isn’t a bad thing. In fact, when you think about it, it’s by comparing ourselves that we learn. We compare ourselves to our parents and we learn from them. We pick up their good habits and sometimes, we pick up their bad habits too.

And when we’re grown-up, I mean, I had a mentor in the workplace for over twenty years – a man called Graham, a couple of decades older than me, and I saw how he operated and the results that he achieved by operating that way, and I modelled myself on him because I liked the results he was getting.

Now that’s not a bad thing at all, but there’s an unhealthy level of comparison that often goes on: when we just want to cherry-pick the good things that other people have in their lives, as though they don’t have any bad things in their lives. Of course that’s completely unrealistic because when we cherry-pick the good things and ignore the bad things, what we’re going to do is we’re going to construct an ideal image that we aspire to, which is totally unrealistic – an image that we can never achieve, and that feeds our insecurity and robs us of our identity.

When you think about it, those comparisons are about wanting to be what the other person is, or have what the other person has. So destructive is this that the Ten Commandments include a commandment specifically about this very thing. It’s the last commandment, number ten. Have a listen (Exodus 20:17):

You shall not covet your neighbour’s house. You shall not covet your neighbour’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbour.

Why? Because when we covet, when we want the thing that our neighbour has, it causes us to do one of two things: Either we do the wrong thing and we go and take it (which is what adultery is all about; that’s what theft’s all about), or we don’t take it, but the desire eats away at us like a cancer, and we tell ourselves that we’re not complete without having it. We can’t enjoy our lives without it. Unless we have that one thing that the next guy has, we can never live a life full and contented and happy. What a load of malarkey!

There are some things that you and I will never have; yet the desire for those things can end up ruining your life. Some people desire great wealth, but they can’t attain it. That’s why God says in His Word (Hebrews 6:10):

The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil, and in their eagerness to be rich, some have wandered away from their faith and pierced themselves with many pains.

Notice it’s not money which is the root of all evil; it’s the love of money; it’s the desire for money; it’s coveting wealth that becomes the root of all evil, and ends up piercing us with many pains. It’s true.

We’ll talk about that more another time, but there’s an alternative, and here it is. Hebrews 13:5:

Keep your lives free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’.

And that’s the key: Contentment. Have a look around, and consider all the good things that God’s already given you: Your health, your life, the air that you breathe, the roof over your head, the food you’re eating, your family … Just do a stocktake of all that you have … Oh and by the way, the gift of eternal life, through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ – a completely new life, through His resurrection … Come on. Add up all the good things that you already have. It’s amazing, isn’t it, how blessed you are. Is it perfect? Is your family perfect? Are your circumstances perfect? No, of course they aren’t. They were never meant to be perfect, but the richness of God’s blessing is utterly mind-blowing.

So here’s the rub: Be content with what you have. Be content with who you are. Be content with your lots in life. Give God thanks for that. Keep blessing Him and praising Him and worshipping Him and living for Him, and all of a sudden, all those stupid ridiculous things that you covet, all those crazy comparisons will simply go away. They’ll pale into insignificance because all of a sudden, you discover how rich you already are in Jesus Christ. Come on … what is it in your life that’s eating away at your self-image? Is it really worth it, or is it time to focus on the good things that God’s already given you?

And that’s the key, you know. We just can’t miraculously all of a sudden overcome our insecurities; it doesn’t work that way. If we could, we would; but we can’t, so we don’t. They just don’t seem to go away on their own, these insecurities. That’s where thanksgiving comes in. The Bible is packed full of exhortations for us to be thankful, and for good reason. 1 Thessalonians 5:18:

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

 Psalm 107:1:

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever.

Psalm 50:14:

Offer God a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and perform your vows to the Most High.

On and on … we’re called to thank God for all the good things, and let me tell you when we do that, He changes us. He takes away that gnawing sense of inadequacy that comes from these silly comparisons, and the terrible coveting and jealousy that He tells us not to have, and He replaces it with an overwhelming sense of joy, irrespective (let me say) of our circumstances; even when things are going against us, in fact especially when things are going against us.

Let me be blunt here: If you’re desiring to have something you can’t have, or to be someone you can’t be, it’s going to be ruining your life. It’s giving you a distorted self-image, and God’s command to you is clear: Stop it! Just don’t do it anymore. Instead, praise God and give thanks, and let Him change you.

You see, God’s already made provision for your deliverance and healing from this terrible disease through the simple and utterly delightful habit of giving thanks to Him. The only question is, what exactly are you waiting for?