Let’s face it: blaming others or circumstances feels good—in the moment.

It’s a quick way to offload guilt, frustration, and that gnawing sense of inadequacy when things don’t go as planned.

But what if, instead of being a momentary release, this habit is the very thing keeping you from success?

I've been sick over Christmas and unable to schedule social media posts as usual. I had a week's worth pre-scheduled but I'm still not feeling great and what it made me realise is that social media posting alone is not a 100% sustainable way of drawing clients to my business without my being involved.

Taking full responsibility for that dismal outcome while lying on the sofa sick, capable only of watching watercolour tuition videos, brought home with no uncertain force that I need to turn my attention again to paid ads. There are many reasons 'read: excuses' for why I'm not using paid ads at the moment, but I came face to face with all of them again, one by one, this Christmas.

This provocative statement about the habit of offloading being the thing that keeps you from success hits a nerve because it’s a mirror.

It forces you to ask: Am I taking responsibility for my outcomes, or am I stuck in a cycle of blame? It’s a painful realization, especially when you’re highly skilled, deeply knowledgeable, and passionate about your work, yet carrying the weight of unmet goals and stalled progress.

Blame often sneaks in under the guise of reason:

• "If only my clients understood the value of what I offer."

• "The market is too saturated for someone like me to stand out."

• "I don’t have enough time/money/resources to make this work."

Blaming external factors creates a comfortable barrier. It allows you to protect your self-image while avoiding the discomfort of facing hard truths. But it also keeps you stuck. By outsourcing responsibility, you’re relinquishing your power to change your circumstances. The result? A growing sense of frustration, a declining belief in your abilities, and a creeping temptation to give up altogether.

The beauty of responsibility is that it’s empowering. When you accept that your success—or lack thereof—rests in your hands, you unlock the ability to change your story. This shift isn’t about self-blame; it’s about self-ownership. It’s about asking, What can I do differently? rather than Who is at fault?

1. Conduct a "Responsibility Audit":At the end of each week, spend 15 minutes reflecting on your biggest challenges. For each one, ask yourself:

   • What role did I play in this outcome?

   • What could I have done differently?

   • What will I change next time?This exercise isn’t about beating yourself up; it’s about learning and adapting.

2. Reframe Challenges as Choices:Instead of saying, "I can’t because…," try saying, "I choose not to because…." For example:

   • Replace, "I can’t find the time to market my business" with "I choose not to prioritize marketing right now."This subtle shift highlights the power you have over your decisions and actions.

3. Set "Micro-Ownership" Goals:Break down big goals into small, actionable steps that you can take complete ownership of. For example, instead of saying, "I want to grow my client base," commit to reaching out to three potential clients this week. These micro-goals keep the focus on what’s within your control.

"Extreme Ownership" by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin

For a deeper dive into the power of taking responsibility, Extreme Ownership is a must-read. Written by two former Navy SEALs, this book shows how embracing full responsibility—even in high-stakes, high-pressure environments—can lead to extraordinary results. The lessons apply not only to leadership and business but also to personal growth.

For a powerful take on responsibility and mindset, check out The Diary of a CEO by Steven Bartlett, Episode #149: Mo Gawdat - "The Happiness Expert on Why Taking Ownership of Your Life Changes Everything."

Mo Gawdat shares profound insights into how taking full responsibility for your actions and decisions can transform your personal and professional life. It's an inspiring and uplifting listen for anyone ready to take control of their future.

This is your wake-up call. Blaming others might offer temporary relief, but it won’t get you closer to your goals. Taking responsibility is tough, yes, but it’s also liberating. When you own your outcomes, you own your future.

So, if you’ve been tempted to throw in the towel, pause and ask yourself: Am I blaming others or circumstances for my failures?

If the answer is yes, use this moment to shift.

Start small. Take ownership of one thing today. Because when you do, giving up won’t even be an option.

Success will be the only path forward.

When you're ready, I run 1:2:1 and small group workshops to help quiet experts, business authors and raging entrepreneurs turn their idea or book into a thriving business. Some clients start by simply landing their first client, while others enjoy millions of social media views or start selling out luxury 7-day retreats.

DM me the word ADVANTAGE on any social platform or visit my website and enter your details to get my 'AI Advantage Guide' and find out when the next workshop is happening.

Warm regards

Nicola

Share A Better Entrepreneur With Nicola Cairncross