Unmet expectations are probably the leading cause of resentment in our lives – especially around the holidays! Just sayin’. But! Recognizing that we had (potentially unrealistic) expectations in the first place is a great step towards greater joy and freedom and being nice to each other.

This little episode is a pep talk around recognizing our expectations, letting go of the unrealistic ones, giving ourselves permission to recalibrate, encouragement to talk openly about our needs, and to take care of ourselves so we can show up well in our lives.

You know, the usual.

It’s also an update on what’s going on behind the scenes over here – and an expectation reset! Since I had unreasonably high hopes for myself during my first term back in school.

Sending love and fortitude as we enter the dark but merry time of year.

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/11/03/unmet-expectations-are-the-theif-of-joy/

Resources, References, and Links

Episode #2: “Comparison Is the Thief of Joy.”

Episodes #20 & #21: “Befriending Your Nervous System with Marjorie Schreurs.” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/10/10/befriending-your-nervous-system-1-activation/

Episode #25: “Bringing Boundaries and Self-Compassion to the Holidays with Jenny Tryansky.” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/11/21/bringing-boundaries-and-self-compassion-to-the-holidays-with-jenny-tryansky/

Creativity isn’t just for artists. It’s a way of engaging with the world that we all have access to, and which offers a playful and engaging pathway toward healing. It’s also a thing that we do with our bodies! That makes it an extra-helpful way to get out of our heads and move through whatever feelings we need to process.

In this conversation with somatic therapist Amanda Melbostad, we explore the magic of accessing our creativity and finding safety in our bodies. We also talk about how to find the right therapist, how to open ourselves up to creative practices, and how freeing it can be to invite our inner critic to take a back seat.

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/10/01/creativity-movement-toward-healing-amanda-melbostad/

Support the podcast on Patreon @SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit

Connect with Amanda

Visit their website (and book a free, 30 minute consultation) https://www.amandamelbostadtherapy.com/

Find them on Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amanda-melbostad-portland-or/1562150

Find them on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/amanda-melbostad-aa1a4340/

Resources, References, and Links

Note: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.

Relational Therapy. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/relational-therapy

Traveling Monet Exhibit. https://monetexpo.com/

My tiger picture! https://www.instagram.com/reel/DLjI5BFxhzX/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=cGpxOWFxZGh1NmJr

Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Parts work episode. Episode #46: “Cultivating Self-Acceptance through Parts Work with Celine Redfield, LMFT.” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/06/26/cultivating-self-acceptance-through-parts-work-with-celine-redfield-lmft/

Blind contour exercise. https://www.artsy.net/article/artsy-editorial-blind-contour-drawing-help-better-artist

Drawing Lab. https://www.powells.com/book/drawing-lab-for-mixed-media-artists-9781592536139

Vision boards. https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/a29959841/how-to-make-a-vision-board/

This episode goes out to anyone who is wandering the minefield of modern dating and needs a little pep talk about rejection. It’s a rallying cry to remember that relationships are all about fit, and that when something doesn’t work out, it’s easier to believe that, in the long term, this is for our own good.

So, basically, if you want to hear me remind you that things are ultimately going to be okay and that there’s an opportunity for learning and resilience in this experience – give this a listen.

If you’re in the big feelings and grief of a break up or things not working out, this may not be the time to press play. Call and friend, cry it out, and come back when you’re ready to hear some optimism and hope.

Read the transcript at SettlingIsBullshit.com

Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit

Resources, References, and Links

Episode #41: “If You’re Freaking Out Right Now… (Press Play) https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/05/22/if-youre-freaking-out-right-now/

Episode #52: “If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/27/if-nothing-changes-nothing-changes/

Blog Post/Bonus Episode: “Dating Is Supposed to Be FUN” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/01/31/dating-is-supposed-to-be-fun/

Episode #46: Cultivating Self-Acceptance through Parts Work with Celine Redfield, LMFT” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/06/26/cultivating-self-acceptance-through-parts-work-with-celine-redfield-lmft/

Episode #33: “Practical Mysticism and Trusting the Divine with Julie Day” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/02/13/practical-mysticism-and-trusting-the-divine-with-julie-day/

It ain’t easy to step off the beaten path or to swim ashore from the river of what everyone else is doing. But consciously choosing to opt out of hustle culture and the grind of unrealistic expectations isn’t impossible! It’s hard, for sure. It’s also hella worth it.

In this conversation with Matthew Smith, founder of Wimp Decaf and multi-passionate entrepreneur, we talk about his journey of stepping off the hustle treadmill and onto the path of living the life he actually wants.

The conversation is also about our mutual journeys of sobriety and spirituality, the playfulness of accepting life as it is, learning what it’s like to have a regulated nervous system, defining what matters to us, and the liberation of getting to choose what counts as enough.

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/09/03/opting-out-of-hustle-culture-matthew-smith-wimp-decaf/

Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit

Connect with Matthew and Wimp

Buy some decaf and/or sign up for the awesome Wimp newsletter https://www.wimpdecaf.com/

Follow Wimp on Instagram @wimpdecaf https://www.instagram.com/wimpdecaf/

Join the conversation on Reddit r/decaf_life https://www.reddit.com/r/decaf_life/

While it’s a pithy and seemingly obvious statement, the fact remains that: if nothing changes, nothing changes. In other words, if we want things to be different, we have to start doing things differently. This counts for dating, career change, healthy habits, sobriety - any time we want things to be better, easier, or more awesome.

So this episode is a pep talk for change and an opportunity for self-compassion around all the ways and reasons that change is hard!

I also give you the rundown on the six stages of change – which is really just a cycle of change that we move through over and over again. If you need a refresher, here they are:

• Precontemplation
• Contemplation
• Preparation
• Action
• Maintenance
• Relapse
• (and then back to precontemplation!)

Read the transcript and get the show notes at SettlingIsBullShit.com

https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/27/if-nothing-changes-nothing-changes/

Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit

When was the last time you deeply felt your relationship to the world around you? To the land, to the plants, to the ways in which everything is interconnected?

In this philosophical and exploratory conversation with Karma Maymi the steward of Clary Sage Herbarium in Portland, Oregon, we discuss the concept of stewardship and what it means to be in relationship with our surroundings. Our discussion delves into the complexities of ownership, the role of conditioning in our lives, and the importance of patience and deep presence in how we show up in our communities.

This episode is an invitation to contemplate the interconnectedness of nature and our human experience, inviting listeners to recognize how beautifully devoted we all are, even when we inevitably fall short of our aspirations and expectations.

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/21/stewardship-karma-maymi-clary-sage-herbarium/

Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit

Connect with Karma & Clary Sage Herbarium

Order supplies online at ClarySageHerbarium.com or visit the shop in Portland at 2901 NE Alberta St (and say hi to Karma in person!)

Follow Clary Sage on Instagram @ClarySageHerbarium https://www.instagram.com/clarysageherbarium?igsh=N3BkZXFtcDQ0cTdq

Resources, References, and Links

Vipassana meditation. A practice focused on observing oneself without judgment, the name means “to see things as they really are.” https://www.webmd.com/balance/what-is-vipassana-meditation

Turtle Island. “‘Turtle Island' is the name for the lands now known as North and Central America. It is a name used by some Indigenous peoples who believe their land was formed on the back of a turtle.” https://deadlystory.com/page/culture/articles/World_s_Indigenous_Peoples_Day/Turtle_Island

Permaculture. A framework striving for sustainable and ecologically responsible ways of living (that often includes growing food). https://www.permaculture.co.uk/what-is-permaculture/

Fixed mindset expects instant results. It tells us that if we aren’t immediately good at something, it’s because we lack the talent or capacity. It tells us to give up without really trying. A fixed mindset feeds the inner gremlins of not good enough any time we make a mistake or things don’t turn out perfectly.

But, we have to be willing to be bad at things if we ever want to get good at them. And that takes courage and effort. It means cultivating the willingness to bear the discomfort (and occasional indignity) of being a newb, being a learner, not being the best.

But it’s such a beautiful and kind and generous way to hold ourselves.

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This is a hybrid episode where I read a post that I wrote for the website and talk about it/offer commentary. To read the original post or transcript of the commentary, visit https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/13/the-insidious-grip-of-a-fixed-mindset/

Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit

For recovering perfectionists, type-A planners, and those of us who really just want to get an A at life, it can be extra hard to try new things. It can also be super hard when life throws us curve balls and those meticulous plans have to change. But it doesn’t have to be quite so bad! There are a lot of adventures to be had when we can loosen our grip on how things are “supposed” to be.

In this conversation with Carrie Andersen, PhD (former educator and valiant career changer), Carrie shares about her blog The Side Quest Project, her Brodents Podcast, and the joys of exploring the nooks and crannies of life without needing to follow a linear path.

It’s an affirming listen for anyone struggling with wanting to figure your life out (spoiler: you don’t have to!) or wanting some inspiration for adding a bit more curiosity, playfulness, and joy to your day-to-day routines.

To support this podcast and help keep the lights on, please consider joining my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/SettlingIsBullshit

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/08/embracing-imperfection-and-the-nonlinear-path-with-carrie-andersen-phd/

Connect with Carrie

Follow her on The Side Quest Project: https://thesidequestproject.beehiiv.com/

Listen to Brodents. Available anywhere you listen to podcasts! But here’s the spotify link: https://open.spotify.com/show/35NluNppY0VwTKWDS7eMUz?si=52a154207b794ac1

Resources, References, and Links

Hero’s Journey. The narrative archetype that most stories follow. https://www.masterclass.com/articles/writing-101-what-is-the-heros-journey

Legend Planner. https://legendplanner.com/

Skyrim. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elder_Scrolls_V:_Skyrim

Past life regression. “What Is Past Life Regression:?” https://outlanderpastlives.com/past-life-regression/

Kintsugi. Carrie’s post about it: https://thesidequestproject.beehiiv.com/p/side-quest-1-kintsugi-art

Radiolab rat laughter episode. “Is Laughter Just a Human Thing?” https://radiolab.org/podcast/91589-is-laughter-just-a-human-thing

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy

Rather than treating our limitations as problems to be solved or burdens to be borne, what might shift if we treated them with respect and appreciation? Finding our limits means finding our boundaries, and we have the option to view them as useful tools for self-care and safety (instead of cages we’re trying to break out of).

If you enjoy this podcast, please consider joining my Patreon to help me cover the production costs and keep this show going. https://www.patreon.com/c/SettlingIsBullshit

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/07/30/honoring-our-limitations/

Resources, References, and Links

Note: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.

Nervous system activation. Listen to Episodes 21 & 22 with Marjorie Schreurs for a deep dive!

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780143129257

Expressive writing. Listen to episode 42 with Stacey Hettes.

Parts work. Listen to episode 46 with Celine Redfield.

July 2nd, 2025 marked fifteen years of continuous sobriety for me. And since I wrote about it two years ago and then recorded an episode about it last year, it seems like marking my time on this platform has become a tradition.

But I don’t feel good this week! (I’m kinda sick). So, I sat down and recorded something anyway and captured what’s true for me in this moment.

I set out to talk about staying positive without being toxic, and then I ended up having a lot to say about that, as well as:

• feeling our feelings
• the relationship between fear and faith
• step two and believing change is possible
• that we can’t do life alone
• we get to choose our perspective
• and a bunch of other sober shit :)

So, if you want to hear me be a bit rambly and reflective and willing to normalize that even those of us on a mission to spark more joy have hard, uncomfortable days… you’re invited to listen!

And you’re also invited to let me know how you’re doing in this moment and what brings you joy.

Reach out on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/settling.is.bullshit/ or email me at cate[at]settlingisbullshit.com

Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/07/03/reflecting-on-fifteen-years-of-continuous-sobriety/