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Sex Club Etiquitte: Do’s And Don’ts
“Do
1. Research the sex club you’re attending
Every sex club is different. They have different rules, prices, and vibes. It’s important to research the sex club you’re attending so you can learn if there are any rules specific to it, and if it feels like a good fit for you.
Kink and sex educator Emerson Karsh tells O.school that you should “vet the space/club before going! Make sure your values align with the club's values and it will feel like a safe space for you.” For example, there are some clubs specifically for swingers (aka a swingers club) and may only let you attend as a couple, or as a single woman, Some clubs work to be LGBTQ+ inclusive or safe for BIPOC folks and may have nights for BIPOC or queer and trans folks only.
Karsh tells O.school, “Some [other] things to look out for when vetting a club are how do they vet people coming? What is the condom usage/requirement? What does consent look like in the space? Are there moderators working the event? What’s the toy/kink gear policy? And any COVID things you wanna look out for!”
2. Be clear on your intentions and boundaries
Before you go to a sex club, set expectations and boundaries for yourself. Think about what you do and don’t want to do, and what you’re unsure about. Think about your intention, be it to explore your sexuality further or to simply find community and a safe space. What do you want out of the experience in general, not just sexually?
In her podcast, Sex with Dr. Jess, Dr. Jess O’Riley says to consider “How long will you spend at the club when you visit? Will you have a drink? How many drinks will you have? Will you dance? Do you plan to undress? How will you respond if you’re feeling uncomfortable? What areas of the club will you visit? (e.g. Will you go into the play rooms or just the bar?)”
3. Engage only in activities that feel comfortable
While many people think the only thing to do at a sex club is have sex, this isn’t true. You don’t have to have sex at a sex club as there are many other ways to explore and have fun. You can go to a sex club and watch other people have sex (with their consent), have a drink, dance, swim in the pool (if they have one), attend educational events, or mingle and make friends and community.
4. Set expectations with your partner(s) if you’re attending together
Karsh says that in addition to setting boundaries for yourself, you also need to set boundaries with whoever you’re going with. “If you’re going with a partner, have a big discussion of boundaries and limits so you both can feel happy and comfortable in the space as both people and partners.” Talk about how each of you feel about drinking, being naked, having sex, having sex together with another person, having sex with other people, or someone watching you have sex. Consider how you will check in and support your partner throughout the experience.
5. Come prepared
At a basic level, you’ll likely need to come prepared with your ID, some cash, and ticket. While many clubs provide condoms, lube, and towels, consider bringing your own just in case.
If the particular party or club you’re attending allows toys and props for play (not all do), consider what you could bring to make you feel sexy. For example, you might want to bring your favorite vibrator, blindfold, flogger, or harness. Some people bring many toys while others bring just one or two. Some people only bring their essentials, like their favorite lube and condoms.”
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Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/antonio-myers4/support
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By Antonio Myers“Do
1. Research the sex club you’re attending
Every sex club is different. They have different rules, prices, and vibes. It’s important to research the sex club you’re attending so you can learn if there are any rules specific to it, and if it feels like a good fit for you.
Kink and sex educator Emerson Karsh tells O.school that you should “vet the space/club before going! Make sure your values align with the club's values and it will feel like a safe space for you.” For example, there are some clubs specifically for swingers (aka a swingers club) and may only let you attend as a couple, or as a single woman, Some clubs work to be LGBTQ+ inclusive or safe for BIPOC folks and may have nights for BIPOC or queer and trans folks only.
Karsh tells O.school, “Some [other] things to look out for when vetting a club are how do they vet people coming? What is the condom usage/requirement? What does consent look like in the space? Are there moderators working the event? What’s the toy/kink gear policy? And any COVID things you wanna look out for!”
2. Be clear on your intentions and boundaries
Before you go to a sex club, set expectations and boundaries for yourself. Think about what you do and don’t want to do, and what you’re unsure about. Think about your intention, be it to explore your sexuality further or to simply find community and a safe space. What do you want out of the experience in general, not just sexually?
In her podcast, Sex with Dr. Jess, Dr. Jess O’Riley says to consider “How long will you spend at the club when you visit? Will you have a drink? How many drinks will you have? Will you dance? Do you plan to undress? How will you respond if you’re feeling uncomfortable? What areas of the club will you visit? (e.g. Will you go into the play rooms or just the bar?)”
3. Engage only in activities that feel comfortable
While many people think the only thing to do at a sex club is have sex, this isn’t true. You don’t have to have sex at a sex club as there are many other ways to explore and have fun. You can go to a sex club and watch other people have sex (with their consent), have a drink, dance, swim in the pool (if they have one), attend educational events, or mingle and make friends and community.
4. Set expectations with your partner(s) if you’re attending together
Karsh says that in addition to setting boundaries for yourself, you also need to set boundaries with whoever you’re going with. “If you’re going with a partner, have a big discussion of boundaries and limits so you both can feel happy and comfortable in the space as both people and partners.” Talk about how each of you feel about drinking, being naked, having sex, having sex together with another person, having sex with other people, or someone watching you have sex. Consider how you will check in and support your partner throughout the experience.
5. Come prepared
At a basic level, you’ll likely need to come prepared with your ID, some cash, and ticket. While many clubs provide condoms, lube, and towels, consider bringing your own just in case.
If the particular party or club you’re attending allows toys and props for play (not all do), consider what you could bring to make you feel sexy. For example, you might want to bring your favorite vibrator, blindfold, flogger, or harness. Some people bring many toys while others bring just one or two. Some people only bring their essentials, like their favorite lube and condoms.”
---
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/antonio-myers4/support