“Who can benefit?

You actually can’t access a partner surrogate without already having a licensed therapist, according to Shattuck.

So generally, he says, “someone who begins working with a partner surrogate has already been in sex therapy for a few months or few years and still has a lot of work to do around feeling comfortable with sex, intimacy, dating, and their body.”

The problems that may motivate a client to suggest they incorporate a partner surrogate into their healing process — or for a sex therapist to suggest the same to a client — range from generalized social anxiety to specific sexual dysfunctions or fears.

Some folks who may benefit from the healing powers of partner surrogacy include:

trauma and abuse survivors

folks with little or no sexual experience

penis-owners with erectile dysfunction or early ejaculation

vulva-owners with vaginismus, or other pelvic floor dysfunction that may make penetrative intercourse painful

people who struggle with body acceptance or body dysmorphia

people who have anxiety or fear specifically around sex, intimacy, and touch

folks with disabilities that make it more challenging to have sex.” “How does it work?

Once you and your therapist have decided surrogate partner therapy could benefit you, your sex therapist may reach out to their network of partner surrogates to help you find a potential match.

They may also contact the IPSA Referrals Coordinator for assistance in finding a compassionate, well-trained, certified professional surrogate partner who best fits your needs.

Shattuck calls out that nowadays many partner surrogates have online and social media platforms, so if you stumble on a partner surrogate you think might be a good fit for you, bring it up with your sex therapist.

But to actually work with that particular partner surrogate, both your sex therapist and that partner surrogate will have to sign off.

From there, “the client and partner surrogate will meet to determine whether or not it’s a good fit,” says Shattuck.

The first meeting happens in the sex therapist’s office, but all subsequent meetings happen elsewhere — usually in the surrogate’s office, or the client’s home.

A “good fit” isn’t determined by things like how attracted you are to the surrogate, but rather by feeling like you can (or eventually can) trust them.

Usually, the partner surrogate and sex therapist work together to come up with a treatment plan based on your goals. After that, you and your partner surrogate will work together toward that goal.

Things a treatment plan may incorporate:

making eye contact

meditation

sensate focus

breathing exercises

body mapping

one-way or mutual nudity

one- or two-way touch (above or below clothing)

intercourse (guided by safer-sex practices)

“There isn’t always, or even usually, intercourse between a partner surrogate and the client, but when there is, we focus on building an intimate foundation first,” says Shattuck.

Surrogate partner therapy isn’t a one-and-done thing.

“We work together once a week or so until the client reaches their goals. Sometimes that takes months, sometimes that takes years,” he says.

“Once a client has reached their goals, we have a few closing sessions and then send them off into the real world!” -Healthline

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