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Shame and the Problem with Calling Everything an Addiction with Michael Vigorito | Episode 16
In this episode, we sit down with Michael Vigorito, licensed psychotherapist, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, author, and co-director of Sexual Health Alliance’s Advanced Certification in Problem Sexual Behavior. Together, we challenge one of the most widely accepted and misunderstood concepts in modern sexology: sex addiction.
Michael shares why many sexual health professionals have moved away from the sex addiction model and toward more nuanced, evidence-informed approaches to understanding out-of-control sexual behavior. We explore the powerful roles of shame, moral conflict, erotic identity development, and relationship dynamics, while discussing what actually helps people create healthier relationships with their sexuality.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Many people who identify as "sex addicts" are experiencing shame, moral conflict, or distress rather than a true addiction process
- Out-of-control sexual behavior is often influenced by multiple factors, including mental health, values conflicts, relationships, and erotic identity development
- Curiosity, self-understanding, and integration are often more effective than shame-based approaches to creating lasting change
SHOW SUMMARY:
00:00 – Introduction to Addiction Narratives
01:56 – Michael Vigorito’s Origin Story
04:24 – Impact of Conversion Therapy Law Changes
07:34 – Deconstructing the "Sex Addict" Label
09:31 – Defining Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB)
12:00 – Problems with the Sex Addiction Model
15:27 – The Limitations of Abstinence
18:42 – Media Misuse and Externalizing Responsibility
21:16 – The Role of Shame and Moral Incongruence
24:26 – Understanding Erotic Orientation and Identity
28:12 – A Multifactorial Framework for Treatment
31:32 – Clinical Assessment and Motivation for Change
33:52 – Clinical Distinctions: Consent and Criminality
36:18 – Importance of Specialized Clinical Training
38:26 – Lightning Round
39:37 – Advice for the Next Generation
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
The Sexology Lab is powered by Sexual Health Alliance, a global hub for world-class certifications, cutting-edge education, and a thriving community of professionals. Many of the show’s guests also share their expertise at their events.
- Join them at: SexualHealthAlliance.com
More from this episode’s guest at:
- Michael Vigorito: http://michaelvigorito.com/
- Sexual Health Alliance Advanced Certification in Problem Sexual Behavior: https://sexualhealthalliance.com/problem-sexual-behavior
SUBSCRIBE AND REVIEW:
If you loved this episode, please take a moment to subscribe and leave a review! Your support helps us reach more people who need these insights: https://www.sexologylab.com/
🎙 Thanks for tuning in to The Sexology Lab. See you next week!
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By sexologylabIn this episode, we sit down with Michael Vigorito, licensed psychotherapist, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, author, and co-director of Sexual Health Alliance’s Advanced Certification in Problem Sexual Behavior. Together, we challenge one of the most widely accepted and misunderstood concepts in modern sexology: sex addiction.
Michael shares why many sexual health professionals have moved away from the sex addiction model and toward more nuanced, evidence-informed approaches to understanding out-of-control sexual behavior. We explore the powerful roles of shame, moral conflict, erotic identity development, and relationship dynamics, while discussing what actually helps people create healthier relationships with their sexuality.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Many people who identify as "sex addicts" are experiencing shame, moral conflict, or distress rather than a true addiction process
- Out-of-control sexual behavior is often influenced by multiple factors, including mental health, values conflicts, relationships, and erotic identity development
- Curiosity, self-understanding, and integration are often more effective than shame-based approaches to creating lasting change
SHOW SUMMARY:
00:00 – Introduction to Addiction Narratives
01:56 – Michael Vigorito’s Origin Story
04:24 – Impact of Conversion Therapy Law Changes
07:34 – Deconstructing the "Sex Addict" Label
09:31 – Defining Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB)
12:00 – Problems with the Sex Addiction Model
15:27 – The Limitations of Abstinence
18:42 – Media Misuse and Externalizing Responsibility
21:16 – The Role of Shame and Moral Incongruence
24:26 – Understanding Erotic Orientation and Identity
28:12 – A Multifactorial Framework for Treatment
31:32 – Clinical Assessment and Motivation for Change
33:52 – Clinical Distinctions: Consent and Criminality
36:18 – Importance of Specialized Clinical Training
38:26 – Lightning Round
39:37 – Advice for the Next Generation
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
The Sexology Lab is powered by Sexual Health Alliance, a global hub for world-class certifications, cutting-edge education, and a thriving community of professionals. Many of the show’s guests also share their expertise at their events.
- Join them at: SexualHealthAlliance.com
More from this episode’s guest at:
- Michael Vigorito: http://michaelvigorito.com/
- Sexual Health Alliance Advanced Certification in Problem Sexual Behavior: https://sexualhealthalliance.com/problem-sexual-behavior
SUBSCRIBE AND REVIEW:
If you loved this episode, please take a moment to subscribe and leave a review! Your support helps us reach more people who need these insights: https://www.sexologylab.com/
🎙 Thanks for tuning in to The Sexology Lab. See you next week!