People who grow up in families and cultures rooted in shame and shaming bring that mentality to work. Often, they don’t even know they are doing it. 

bell hooks said “Shaming is one of the deepest tools of imperialist, white supremacist, capitalist patriarchy because shame produces trauma and trauma often produces paralysis.”

If, as hooks states, shaming is one of the “deepest tools” of capitalism, then we need to assume that most work environments are rife with shame and shaming. That is certainly what I’ve observed, as a worker, manager, consultant, and executive coach.

I link shame and shaming because someone who has been shamed will often automatically turn around and shame others, often without understanding what they are doing. It permeates everything; their world view, their values, their concept of themselves, their society and, of course, how they work. Rarely is there one without the other. The shamed will shame.

Those of us who have been shamed, in families, cultures, or workplaces – which, I’m guessing, is most of us – often internalize the shame, which acts like termites on our confidence, efficacy and growth, silently gnawing away. I see this especially with women. Others project that internalized shame out, becoming hyper-critical of others.

But shame only works if we believe it, if we buy in, if we allow that enforcement.

Get full access to The Consigliera Papers at consigliera.substack.com/subscribe