On THE Amicable Divorce Expert podcast this week we have Fauzia Khan as our guest. Fauzia shares her journey as a professionally and financially successful woman prior to meeting her narcissistic husband. He was also successful in business. They both shared the same interests in travel, music, dining. It seemed like a match made in heaven: He “love bombed” her at the onset of their relationship, prioritized her, cooked for her, and proposed to her in 90 days of knowing her. Fauzia was treated like a queen, but by a king with an agenda.

And once he had her in his narcissistic spell, she could do nothing right. Everything thing she did was wrong, in his eyes: She was asked to give up her career in banking to manage his company, where she was continually criticized. She couldn’t visit her family, who lived in the same town, and she couldn’t go out with her friends. Her entire life became devoted to serving her husband’s need personally and professionally, to the point where she hardly slept.

Her family and friends didn’t recognize her; she had changed so much to please her husband. Yet the marriage was less than loving. You see, there is no way to please a narcissist. They are an endless well of need, requiring obedience and adulation, lots of personal accommodation, and an acceptance of their priority in the relationship.

Something had to give, and it did. Fauzia found out he had another relationship, and she filed for divorce. The divorce has lasted four years.  And her husband still wouldn’t settle. It wasn’t until a trial date was set that he agreed to mediation. You see, a narcissist has to be in control, and having a Judge as the decision-maker would be giving up control. So as many times as mediation was suggested in the past, he only agreed to it when his authoritarian hand was called.

When the love bombing starts, take a step back. Love bombing is the first step in setting the trap, blindsiding you with cinematic. The danger in thinking that love bombing is an expression of healthy love hits at the core of many women’s fantasies of being cherished, adored, and emotionally understood to the point that the narcissist is seen as the knight in shining armor. Beware of false princes before you. As good as this rush of love feels, it will ultimately destroy you.

Love bombing is always followed by “gaslighting”. Gaslighting means the victim can’t do anything right. The victim goes from loved and adored to always wrong. And it happens so fast that you’re not ready for this seismic shift in the relationship that the victim doesn’t have time to think. You see, the victim is now in the role of being a “narcissist pleaser”. And this is the trap that is so difficult to break out of. It takes time to understand the key to getting out. This is what we will discuss on the episode.

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Biography of Fauzia Khan

Divorce is one of the hardest challenges women face. Fauzia is a certified coach with over 25 years experience in the finance and software industries. She co-authored two internationally best selling books, “The Book on Joy” and “Emerge: Be the Unmistakable Authority in Your Field. She completed specialized trainings from the International Coaching Federation (ICF), Richard Ivey School of Business Executive Leadership Program, and Jack Canfield’s “The Success Principles”. She helps women transform their lives, redefine themselves, emerge stronger, and reclaim their power.

https://findyoursparkduringdivorce.com

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