You will never forget the way he looked at you on your wedding day.  The way he just let the vision of you soak in, as if looking at you was the only item on his to-do list, and all he required for sustenance.  During those heady days, he honored you, he delighted in you, he listened, and your thoughts mattered to him. You loved his energy, his enthusiasm and his decisiveness which picked up where yours left off.  Sex was easy, desirable and fulfilling. 

Then the children came, and you were so excited for the shared love of your little ones to make your relationship even closer and more meaningful.

You weren’t prepared for how parenthood would change the playing field, and how the demands suddenly exceeded your capacity.  You needed him to anticipate your needs and be inquisitive as he used to be.  You tried subtle, and not-so-subtle ways to let him know that you felt like you were drowning, but instead of being responsive, he would spit out some trite advice, making it your fault, and go find something else to do. He was no longer the loving, attentive man you married, and gradually your life’s forecast became cloudy and dismal.  You had eagerly promised to live out your life with him, but you certainly weren’t making your vows to this new selfish, inconsiderate, distant version. 

Your feelings began to cool toward him.  With each unsuccessful attempt to communicate, your faith and your optimism flagged.  Every time you thought about reaching out to him, your brain said, “What’s the point?” So you tried to push those thoughts aside and focus on keeping busy and meeting your children’s needs instead.  Your life began to lose its luster.  It became more difficult to get out of bed.  Though you tried to push these realities aside and barrel ahead with your “duties”, creeping thoughts of divorce became more and more frequent, because of the tiny glimmerings of hope you felt imagining a second chance to find a better man and a truer romance.  

However you don’t feel quite right about moving ahead.  Your feelings don’t seem like a compelling enough reason to disrupt your children’s stability and dismantle a family structure which, however shaky, took years of effort to build.  So you’re in limbo.  Taking each day as it comes, and living a kind of half life in which you don’t tell your husband a fraction of what occupies your mind and heart, and try to distract yourself from the deep feelings of disappointment you have in your life.  

What happens next? We'll explore some possibilities in this episode.

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You deserve all the love and happiness you can hold.