“Hey!

I said... don’t use that fucking word with me again...... Got it?”

The next twenty minutes, she is withdrawn, her demeanor chastened and her arms modestly crossed in her lap. You swivel to face the group and smile warmly. Instead of forcing the conversation to return to an artificial crescendo, you remain calm and allow the prior energy level to reformulate on its own. Which it does, almost. Eventually, even your girl has managed to reconstitute herself, although you note with great pride the look of hatred her ugly B.F.F. shoots you.

What do you think happened next?

Let us turn to the lyrics of Alter Ego Neil Diamond:

***

Turn on your snatch spigot,

let it flow wherever you go,

let it make a happy hole,

for all the world to see.

Turn on your snatch spigot,

in the middle of a young boy’s dream,

don’t wake me up too soon,

gonna take a ride across your poon...

you and me.