For By Request this week we have My Linh as our guest. She has some very deep profound wisdom to drop on us today. I’m still reeling from the way she framed her nugget of wisdom. My Linh wants us to put the effort in to loving ourselves because it’s worth it, we’re worth it.

Is it just me or does My Linh sound like Isabella Rosellini? There is a depth and a richness to her voice so it is a compliment. I was mesmerized listening to her share with us the role she played in her family and how it helped form who she is today, taking all that happened and becoming the best version of herself she could. I admire that in her.

You can find My Linh on IG at My Linh.

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TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed You conversations to become who you already are. The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged, as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Kindy now for by request, this week, we have My Lynn as our guest. She has some very deep, profound wisdom to drop on us today. I'm still reeling from the way she framed her nugget of wisdom. My Lynn wants us to put the effort into loving ourselves because it's worth it. We're worth it.

Participant #1:

My Lynn and I met through an online course. I've enjoyed getting to know her a bit, and I'm looking forward to hearing more during our conversation today. Here's what I know so far. She lives in the Netherlands and is a warm, kind, thoughtful woman. Welcome to the show, My Lynn. Thank you. And thank you so much for your kind words. Well, they're easy. They're very easy. Is there anything you want the listeners to know about you before we get started? Yeah, I've thought about this. And there's just one thing I often hear from people that they feel a bit intimidated by the energy they feel for me. Interesting. Yes. And I always say to people at the end of our interaction, you feel like I'm really powerful. I want you to remind yourself that that same power is within yourself. Wow. That's very gosh. What great advice to give them. And I myself don't pick up that vibe from you at all. In fact, I almost a little bit find it surprising. I mean, yes, you're a strong woman, but I don't find your energy intimidating at all. I don't know what to say about that. Which three words would you use to describe yourself? I think it would be adamant

Participant #1:

courageous and soft. Adamant courageous and soft that paints such a really balanced, varied picture. I like that. I like that a lot. All right. Have you ever played this Two Truths on Lie? It's where you say three things about yourself, and one of those things is not true. And I have to figure out which one that is. Yeah. I haven't played it before, but I read it from the information. Okay, great. I'm older than 30. Okay. I'm a sweet tooth. Yes. What was the last one? I love 90s music. 90s music. Okay. Older than 30 has a sweet tooth. And you love 90s music. Oh, boy. Okay, so I mean, I have a sweet tooth, too, so how can you not have a sweet tooth? I'm going to put that one aside. And so it's now 90s music. And if you're over 30, I think it could be like just over 30. So I'm going to say that one's true. And so I'm going to say that maybe you don't love 90s music. I'm going to say that's the lie. I do love 90s music. It's your favorite. Yeah. What is name two bands you like from that time of year? Oh, my gosh, I love the Backstreet Boys. I love anything from the 90s, actually, Britney Spears. I know it's like people painted as bad music, but it just brings me back to dancing to the beat and just loving the music. You know what? You get to love whatever you want to love. That's what this is all about. So, yeah, you get to embrace your love for the 90s music. Okay, so 90s music is true. Do you have a sweet tooth? I do not. Oh, my gosh. It's so hard for me to relate to as someone who has a sweet tooth. Okay. You don't have a sweet tooth. So that was the lie. And then it's true then that you are over 30. Yes, I'm 31. Oh, my gosh, just over. But I added this one because a lot of people think I'm like 2025, which usually I have to show my idea if I go to the supermarket and buy things like liquor, I have to show you have such a classically beautiful face that you really could pass for a lot of ages. You know what I mean? Yes. Thank you so much. Yes, very much. So one of your favorite movies of all time. I'm not much of a movie watcher. I've told you before, but I love Home Alone. Oh, that is a classic. A modern classic. Home Alone. It's so sweet. And do you consider it a Christmas movie? Because it does take place at Christmas time. Yeah, I do consider it a Christmas movie. And Christmas. I just love the feeling of Christmas. I'm not religious, but I just love the whole, I guess the aliens around Christmas. I just love it. Yes. A lot of people really love Christmas for a variety of reasons. And there's a lot of festivity. There's a lot of good will and good spirit out there. Christmas is one of my favorites as well. Name a woman that inspires you. Lady Gaga. Okay, very good. Okay. Why does Lady Gaga inspire you? Not so much. Well, she does make great music, but you see her like, there are a lot of online videos of her interacting with fans or people who are less fortunate. And she is so gracious with those people. And I just love that she's so kind and humble and the way she treats people and the way she talks to people, you just can just sense that she treats people on the same level. It doesn't matter who she is. You're exactly the same as she is. Right. Well, and that takes a real sense of humility. Right. To be able to attain the level of success that she has and retain that. Did you like a Stars bar in the movie? I haven't watched it because much of a movie watch. Okay. You're talking to an avid movie watcher. Yeah. If you ever get around to seeing it because you like her, then you may end up enjoying it. All right. Name a piece of wisdom you keep handy. I always try to remind myself that if I'm destined to lose something, that I'd rather lose it from reality than from my mindset. To me is a life sentence that is okay. If you're going to lose something, you'd rather lose it in reality. Is that what you said than kind of like anticipating losing something in your mind it didn't happen or didn't happen yet? Is that kind of what you're tell me? Where does that come from? Because that seems like a very profound, well thought out piece of wisdom. I always try to motivate people to try. In the past, I've been very anxious and scared of taking opportunities, but I really noticed that being scared of taking opportunities, it keeps you stuck and you're losing to something that's in your head. For example, let's say you like someone, but you think maybe they don't like me and you don't even make any efforts to connect with them. Then you're losing to something in your head. And I'd rather lose reality finding out that they actually don't like me than to think they don't like me. Oh, my gosh. That really is a very good way of framing that. I really appreciate, obviously, the time, thought and experience that went into you putting that together and articulating it so well, I think that's going to really speak to a lot of people. And I couldn't agree more. I love the way you put it, that if you don't try, how will you know? Right? Yeah. And you're keeping yourself what I said, it's like really a life sentence to always act well, actually not act upon the things that you think because you think they don't like you. You think that you won't make it, you think that you can do it, but you never really know. So you're holding yourself captive in a prison in your head. Yes. Oh, my gosh. That's really my limb. That is just really astounding and remarkable. I'm so moved by that. I really am. Thank you for putting some great thought into that and sharing that negative with us. That is a keeper for sure. All right. It's time to take the deep dive, and this is where we talk about might be what you're promoting or not even promoting is not even the right word. Sharing on social media or your passion. Let's talk about that. My passion. It kind of touches my social media, but I think I do this with everyone I need in my life, too. And I really love for people to really put the effort into start loving and accepting themselves. Very good because it's very natural for a lot of people to be hard on themselves. I think so. And are we learning in the course that we're taking. And I've heard it elsewhere that the majority of our thoughts in any single day are negative, percentage wise, scientifically, and probably that had something to do with survival, trying to make it through, but it doesn't really serve us very well anymore. It doesn't seem to me. Okay, so what do you want to do with this passion that you have of wanting people to understand that the stuck part is in their head? And what's the worst thing that can happen if someone tries for the thing? I think the thing that's keeping people from trying from it is that they are afraid to find out that it's true, that they are a bad person and they are really not that good. Oh, interesting. Like, they fear that it's going to be true. How often do you think that's even the case? Not in numbers, but just in generalities for me, I really love people, so I think it's never true. I think that's so great. So getting back to their'afraid of the thing, turning out their worst fear, their worst fear is going to be true. And you're saying that actually that almost isn't even possible, that this thing that they're thinking of, it can't be what they're thinking it's going to be. I think maybe it's good to share the story I got here. It's because my mom, she has passed away, but she had a lot of mental issues and a lot of things to deal with. And she was very kind to other people, but always very hard to herself. And that caused her to take out a lot of her problems onto me. And I know in my heart, I know that my mom loved me so deeply, but even that love wasn't enough for her to stop her from projecting all the things she had in her head onto me. And that was because she couldn't accept that there were things about her that she deemed bad that weren't actually bad. She always had to help other people, which created no space for herself. But everybody needs to help themselves sometimes, but she won't allow herself to do that. So that created so much inner turmoil that she would project it onto her kids. And I think if that's something. Okay. So you share this experience with siblings, so you weren't an only child. You shared this, and so you and your siblings had a conversation, a healing type of conversation about, hey, mom did the best she could do, but it really wasn't everything we needed. It wasn't everything we wanted. Or have you done that more within your individually or both? More individually, because the situation is a lot more complicated. I was the person everybody came to talk about this thing. Okay. The dynamic is very difficult for me to get the support the other way around. Right. Got it. Because group dynamics are truly fascinating. They really are within a family, within even classrooms and different small groups even kind of develop their own group dynamic. And it's almost like, well, they are like an entity that has different characteristics. So somehow early on, you became the survivor, the strong one, the one that everybody went to to kind of air out their grievances and whatever it was. And they looked to you to be the ear and the shoulder and all of that, I'm guessing was probably part a tremendous compliment and part very validating and affirming. But then also on another side, I'm imagining exhausting and overwhelming and stressful. Yeah. Now that I'm 30, 31, I'm happy that I could do that for them. And I've learned a lot from it. But it also has taken me a lot of energy and time of my life to set those things right for myself again because I didn't have time to become an adult. So as I already was an adult, I had to be apparent to myself again. Right. What a wonderful opportunity, though, that you had that you saw. Hey, there was some stuff I didn't get. Now I'm going to take care of it, whatever it was, therapy, journaling, thought, process, pondering. However we can get all that out and sort of look at it and sort it and get it kind of to a point where we can really when I say get on the other side of it, I don't think we're ever really done. I really don't. I think it's a process. We're moving forward. We're moving forward. And then I'm hopeful that one. I'm sorry to hear that your mom had all of these struggles. And because she had these struggles, she couldn't help but kind of share them or however you want to think of it, project them. You use that word onto you and the others. Are you to a point where you can see the gifts that she was able to bring you, even amongst amidst all of the struggles? Definitely. I don't see it necessarily as I wouldn't call it a good thing, but not a bad thing either. And I do think she has given me a lot,

Participant #1:

actually. I had the same problems as she had when I was younger because she rejected it on me. But I've had the opportunity to heal these things. And my mom being she was from Vietnam, so they fled to the Netherlands from the war. And she had no opportunity. She just had to work really hard and make money for the family. So there was no time to fix mental problems. And she has given me my dad education, and with that, a stable job. So I could have no financial problems to worry about, so I could focus on mental issues and healing those. Right. And I like that you recognize that as a gift, even though, like you said, it wasn't a good thing, but good things came from it. And I love that you're able to see that she really did the best she could do with what she had and her experience and all of the different things that made her hurt. That was her best. And I think as children, particularly grown children, that's such an important place to arrive at to realize that your parents were human. They were finite. Because when we're really little, we just think, oh, my gosh, we don't even recognize the humanity of our parents until later. And then when we realize that and like, I didn't get this and this and this, but now it's up to us to get to this and this and this. It's no longer there. They did what they knew how to do. And that's why one of my inspirational women is Maya Angela. I think she's the one that said I did the best I knew how to do at the time. And when I knew better, I did better. And I think that's just so true. Okay, so your family fled to the Netherlands because of the war. And so were you born and raised in the Netherlands then? Yeah, I was born and raised. Oh, wow. That is so great. This is just complete aside because I wish I could tell you that I can access the Netherlands file in my brain, but it's got cobwebs and other things around it. What's the main language of the Netherlands? Dutch. Dutch. Yes. There it is. Dutch. So you grew up speaking Dutch? Yes, I did. And did your mother teach you Vietnamese or whatever the dialect for her area was? She kind of taught me Vietnamese, but it wouldn't be a disgrace to say I speak Vietnamese. Okay. But you understand little bits and PC. Yeah, I do. And then did you grow up in the school system? They wanted you to know English as well? Yeah. In the Netherlands, everybody know actually is taught English. Okay, gosh, you know, that is so remarkable. I'm admiring of countries that really take a second language seriously. I'm not saying it has to be English. I probably couldn't even learn English today if I were speaking it for the first time. The rules don't always work. And there are so many exceptions that I don't know why there's a rule in the first place. And it just strikes me as such a hodgepodge language of some Latin, some of this, some of that, some of that. I mean, it's a melting pot language just like our country. So I admire anybody who speaks English. Well, who learned it from like, you've got to learn it from an early age because your school system said, no, we're going to do this, too. Oh, that's so cool. It's actually really funny because I have family and I know some people in the US, and it's like everybody there is just like you. So what I should say amazed at teachers in Europe. Yes, we would say that for sure. I had three years of Spanish in high school. Another couple in College now it's fluent, not even anywhere close. I can conjugate a lot of verbs. Get me a sheet of paper and get me some Spanish verbs and I can conjugate them. But that's not going to help me in conversation at all. It's because the Netherlands has a lot of neighboring countries with different languages, of course. So I guess that's why. Because the US has Canada, which also speaks English. We have Germany and France and the UK next to us. So do you speak any other languages Besides the Dutch and English and you understand the smattering of Vietnamese? Yeah. And German sounds a lot like Dutch. So could understand what they're saying. Okay. We taught French and I have family and friends, but I wouldn't say I would manage. But probably that's really wonderful. And I imagine that you've done a fair share of traveling, being so close to the other countries, probably not in the last year and a half, but before that and all, I actually love traveling outside Europe. Okay. I've been more outside of Europe than in Europe. Okay. And what have been some of your favorite places to go visit? Wow. I've been to Japan, which I thought was great. South Korea. Wow. Yeah. I've been to China, but that was on this organized trip, so I learned from that that I don't really like organized trips. So. Yeah, I love Asia. Okay. I'm wondering if the organized trip to China was a better way to see China since it's a restricted you can't just wander around. Right. I mean, maybe a little bit, but not completely. I'm not sure, actually. Yeah. Yeah. I've heard of friends who have been to China without an organized trip, so just by themselves, which was fun and great. So I guess it is possible, but I'm not sure how much. Right. Sorry. Will you head back at some point? Are you going to go back? I have so many more other countries, so I'm not sure if it's possible in this lifetime. Right. I get you. Yeah. There's only so much we can go do and see. Right. Yeah. Anything else that you want to chat about in conclusion before we wrap up? No, nothing much. The main message for me is also always for people to really spend time with themselves and learn to love every part of themselves, whether they see it as good or bad. Well, I agree with that completely. And I think sometimes when we talk about self fulfillment or I think for some people it brings a very selfish connotation. But I don't think that's how I mean it. I don't think that's how you mean it either. Before you can really give you have to have it all within yourself first. Right. Because really, if you're not fully healthy, then how can you share that with somebody? How can you share the best of you with someone else if you're not even there yet? And that's how I mean it. And I think that's how kind of what you're speaking to, like healing the places that need healing and moving forward in the best way possible. Yeah. And I think we should learn everything is perspective because we are as human beings. We really like to put things as label good and bad. And that's it. This is always good and this is always bad. But for example, I would ask you, if you were to say self fulfillment is selfish. Why is selfish a bad thing? I really want to think about that. The story behind why is selfish a bad thing? Why is that a bad word? Sometimes selfish is a bad thing, but sometimes selfish can also be a good thing. Yeah. We tend to see it as one bad thing, but it isn't. It's illegal. And I agree with you, and I think it's again, like we're saying, it's very healthy that you need to start with yourself. I'm thinking that some people view it with a pretty negative connotation, almost like a hedonistic kind of a vibe to it. For me. I'm talking about a really healthy place to be. I don't ever think of anybody else. I don't ever notice anybody else's needs. I don't mean it like that at all. I just think you need to be kind of fully realized within yourself before you can share your goodness and the gifts that you have to share with other people. Yeah. And rather than going just listening to the word selfish, you need to feel what you're doing because our body knows when we're being selfish, when it's a bad thing and when it's a good thing, because taking care of yourself feels good. It's never a bad thing that maybe be called selfish, but it's not a bad thing. I agree. Sure, someone will call you selfish, but you need to feel within is this really selfish to me or is it self care? Because like we're talking about you need to explore who you are, discover who you are, own who you are, love who you are. I mean, all those things. And I agree that things are not black and white. Rarely are they black and white. There's so much Gray, many shades of Gray between black and white. And that's where most things reside, right? Somewhere in the Grays. And I like Gray. Gray is a good color. Nothing wrong with Gray. Well, this has been a wonderful conversation. My Lynn, thank you so much for your time. Your wisdom. I mean, 31 and look at the wisdom you are packing there. My goodness. Thank you so much. Yes. Gosh, I get very energized and excited by the different revelations that people share about their thought process and the different ways that they look at things. I find that very encouraging. And yeah, back to the word exciting. It just really brings me a lot of spark and a lot of joy. So I thank you for that. Thank you so much for inviting me. You're so welcome. All right. We will talk very soon. In fact, I think we've got a call tomorrow, right? Yes, we have one tomorrow. Yes. Okay. I'll see you then. My Lynn, thank you so much. Thank you for coming on. Bye bye.

Participant #1:

Is it just me or does my Lynn sound a lot like Isabella Rossellini? There's a depth and a richness to her voice so it's a compliment. I was mesmerized listening to her share with us the role she played in her family and how it helped from who she is today, taking all that happened and becoming the best version of herself she could. I admire that in her. The unabashed U website has a page for each guest filled with photos, quotes and a blog with embedded [email protected]. You can find the show on other podcast platforms want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to subscribe, follow rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under unavashidou if you want to connect. The email is [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared. Website visits, social media and word of mouth and sharing these episodes makes us discoverable so thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing. Regardless of your upbringing or maybe because of it, be all you are meant to be don't skimp don't short yourself on being you. It's important all that this life has to offer can only be found in showing up as the best version of yourself so discover explore expand be unabashed be you.