Sheer Clarity

Today we’re talking about the voices in your head. Right now, they’re probably speaking to you, saying what on earth is he talking about. Doing work on my inner voices has been transformational for me and after listening to this episode, I want you to at least start to be conscious of yours.

Your brain speaks to you through your thoughts. For humans, these thoughts go so many layers deep that sometimes you might not even be aware that they’re there. Do you want to be more in control of your situation and to have the opportunity not to react at the first sign of trouble? As a leader, I want to challenge you to do a better job of listening to those underlying thought streams.

In this episode, Matt and I explore our inner voices and thought streams. We talk about the art of hearing yourself, the Voice Dialogue model, where these inner voices come from, how you can respond to them, why this awareness is important as a leader, why you need to figure out your natural energy patterns, the problem with being unaware of your primary selves, and so much more!

We’re going to continue talking about listening to the inner voice on our next episode. Until then, let us know what discussions you had with your inner voices while listening to this episode. Will it change how you lead and interact with people on a daily basis? What questions did this raise for you? We look forward to hearing from you.

Key Topics:

• What the voices in Mathew’s head are saying about his personality assessment (2:15)
• How your brain speaks to you (3:57)
• Mathew’s thought streams as we’re recording the show (5:27)
• The changes to Mathew’s thought streams since receiving his personality assessment (6:02)
• Developing the art of hearing yourself (7:34)
• Why you might not even be fully aware of all your thoughts (8:33)
• How I became familiar with the Voice Dialogue model (9:30)
• The Voice Dialogue methodology (10:24)
• The role that your primary selves fulfill (12:34)
• Having a conversation with yourself about external situations (14:02)
• The connection between selves and energy (15:42)
• How our selves are developed (16:38)
• Measuring preferences through a personality profile (18:03)
• The two primary sets of voices (19:35)
• Why primary energies can be so tiring (20:16)
• Figuring out your natural energy patterns (20:39)
• The problem with being unaware of your natural energy patterns (21:19)
• Balancing your opposing selves (22:52)
• And much more!

Mentioned in this Episode:

• Frequently Asked Questions
• Voice Dialogue Models[AS1]
• Hal and Sidra Stone, founders of Voice Dialogue

Whenever a group of people comes together, conflict can occur. Whether it’s a squabble over misplaced Tupperware or a fundamental disagreement about how to handle a client’s account, the result tends to be two people being angry simultaneously with each other. Regardless of how it all started, someone has to make the first move toward resolution.

Many people hold on tightly to their anger, thinking that the offense committed against them cannot be excused, however, forgiveness doesn't mean you have to let go of the fact that a transgression was committed. Forgiveness means letting go for your own sake, with no requirement for positive feelings towards the other person. But what do you do when the person you need to forgive is yourself? With interpersonal forgiveness, no reconciliation is needed but in self-forgiveness it’s essential. So how do you navigate these negative thoughts and feelings? And why should you even take on this task that’s often easier said than done?

In this episode, Mathew and I break down what it means to forgive. We talk about how conflicts can arise at home and in the workplace, why you don’t need to forgive and forget, the consequences of letting resentment fester, how grace is different from forgiveness, why it’s so difficult to forgive yourself, and so much more!

We would love to hear from you about your experiences with getting and granting forgiveness, the lessons you have learned and the struggles you have had with it. Email Kevin at [email protected] or share your comments and feedback through the form on our home page. Tune in next week as you continue on the path to becoming a successful leader by attraction.

Key Topics:

• Our Thanksgiving experiences (0:44)
• Defining forgiveness (2:51)
• Why letting go is an essential element of forgiveness (3:30)
• How to forgive while disengaging from a negative situation (4:30)
• Separating forgiveness from reconciliation (6:31)
• What it takes to be able to forgive and let go (7:10)
• How grace differs from forgiveness (7:35)
• Why forgiveness is important for the forgiver (9:15)
• How anger and resentment can show up in the workplace (9:43)
• Detaching forgiveness from having positive feelings towards the offender (12:24)
• Recognizing when you need to forgive yourself (13:20)
• Why it’s so hard to forgive yourself (15:11)
• Navigating self-forgiveness (16:42)
• And much more!

Mentioned in this Episode:

• Brené Brown, Researcher and Storyteller

Find a transcript at https://sheerclarity.com/podcasts/granting-forgiveness

Happy Thanksgiving! Before we dive into the show, I want to express my deep appreciation for you. I am thankful for you plugging in and spending time with us, week after week. The idea that there are people actually listening and caring about our content and maybe taking away stuff that we share and using it to better their lives is something I am very grateful for. Thank you!

This week, in the spirit of this national time of celebration, we’re taking a closer look at gratitude and what it means for the consummate leader by attraction. Gratitude is one of the easiest things to fall by the wayside in the chaos and fast pace of the corporate world and its benefits are often undervalued. So, how can you make time for gratitude in your daily life? And with everything else on your plate, why should you? 

In this episode, Mathew and I talk about gratitude in the context of family and business. We share how our families’ Thanksgivings have changed and evolved over the years, why clashes are inevitable during mergers and acquisitions, what you can do to stop a bad mood, how to be thankful in a fast-paced corporate environment and retain an attitude of gratitude, and so much more!

Next week we’ll be diving into a very misunderstood topic: forgiveness. It’s an essential attribute for leaders and should be a part of your organizational culture but how do you practice it? And does it mean you have to excuse the offense? Until then, let us know what you’re grateful for and how you’re using gratitude in your life at home and in business. We love hearing from you! Again, Happy Thanksgiving and thanks for listening to us here on Sheer Clarity.

Key Topics:

• Mathew’s Thanksgiving traditions (1:27)
• My evolving Thanksgiving experience with my blended family (1:58)
• The impact of the vegans and vegetarians in our families on the Thanksgiving table (3:53)
• The inevitable culture clash when families or companies are blended (5:15)
• Why I’m so thankful for our listeners (8:20)
• How corporate environments make it hard to remember to give thanks (9:35)
• Mathew’s experience with gratitude in the corporate world and his business (10:16)
• How busyness stifles gratitude (11:40)
• What you can do to stop a bad mood in its tracks (13:38)
• The tangible impact of a smile (15:28)
• How I use gratitude as a tool for my corporate clients (16:04)
• Why you should make a gratitude list before you get re-engaged with work (18:08)
• Reframing forgiveness is a key attribute and quality for leaders (19:02)
• And much more!

Mentioned in this Episode:

• EDS Herding Cats Commercial

Learn more and find a transcript at - https://sheerclarity.com/podcasts/being-grateful-and-thanksgiving

THANKS FOR LISTENING!

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In today’s episode, Mathew becomes the subject of a tried-and-tested behavioral assessment facilitated by Kevin. The subject of Mathew coming under public scrutiny is met with nervous laughter initially. However, we come to realize that such a thing as a “good” or “bad” reading doesn’t exist: the assessment is not a value judgment. This is because a perceived strength can always translate into a shortcoming, with the reverse being true as well. Kevin’s years of coaching experience become clear as he guides the audience through the structure of the test, all the while divulging the reading it gave Mathew at each stage. Kevin makes some lucid observations about how certain personalities just aren’t cut out for particular work environments, and how the test can help prevent this through its predictions. Finally, Mathew gets a chance to speak about whether the assessment observations hold any truth. Tune in to engage in this fascinating passageway into the human personality, and to find out why Kevin is grateful to have somebody with Mathew’s personality-type as a co-worker.

Key Points From This Episode:

• The origins of Kevin’s personality assessment.
• The influence of the work of Raymond Cattell and Edward Springer on this behavioral assessment.
• Some ranking issues with the assessment.
• The assessment not being a value judgment.
• The inevitable degree of mismatch between a job and a personality.
• Not to show test results to one’s spouse.
• The assessment’s effectiveness in screening job candidates.
• The use of the “adapted” vs “natural” bell curve.
• Four constructs to measure personality attributes.
• Four constructs to measure motivations.
• The position Mathew’s personality occupies according to these constructs.
• Mathew’s interpretation of the reading he was given.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Raymond Cattell

Target Training International

Mathew's Personality Assessment Results

Learn more and see a transcript at - https://sheerclarity.com/podcasts/theres-no-such-thing-as-a-good-or-bad-personality-assessment

This episode of Sheer Clarity is all about personality assessments, inventories, and how you can utilize them to expand your understanding of yourself and those around you. For most of us, our natural personality and behaviors are solidified by our mid-twenties, and once we know how we operate, we can use that information to play to our strengths and our weaknesses, rather than fight them. When we are more self-aware, we can communicate better with those around us, and be more efficient in the workplace. In this episode, we discuss the components that make up your personality, how personality assessments work under the DiSC system, and how to use personality tests to become a great leader. Here, we talk about the dominance construct and what this can reveal about us, as well as the importance of leading with your vulnerability and staying in-tune.

• Discover how personality assessments were commonly conducted in the past.

• How the influence of digital automation has changed the face of personality assessments today.

• Learn more about the disk system of dominance, influence, steadiness, and complaints.

• Using products like Target Training International (TTI) for a deep analysis of the data.

• When it comes to self-assessment, how accurate are personality assessments really?

• Why the dominance construct is used as a personality measurement and what it reveals.

• From genetics to thought patterns: discover the components that make up your personality.

• Your natural personality won’t change much over time, but your approach to it can.

• How leaders can use personality information to improve themselves and team dynamics.

• Getting in tune with your natural style and knowing how it has created problems for you.

• The importance of leading with your vulnerability, what that looks like, and how to do it.

• And much more!

Target Training International (TTI)

See the shownotes and transcript at - https://sheerclarity.com/podcasts/how-personality-assessments-make-you-a-better-leader

This episode of Sheer Clarity is all about power in the workplace and how it is exerted by different levels of leadership. Whether it is the CEO or a low-level manager, power plays out in relationships and interactions all the time. There is such an array of ways that it can manifest and the main assertion of this discussion is that when we exercise power in the right kind of ways, in aid of those affected by it, it can make a colossal difference compared to when we are negligent, ignorant and abusive. We have all probably been on both sides of this dynamic and while the feeling of being dominated and ignored is not something easy to forget, we need to keep this mind whenever interacting and dealing with power. There is a natural dimension to how power is directed down the chain of command and its diminishing distribution but there is also a universal and cultural aspect to how an organization is led and how it influences all aspects through this. We want to remind you of the positive and enabling dimension to power and encourage you to foster more honey than vinegar in your approach, the results will speak for themselves! For all and a bunch more, be sure to check this episode out!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Customer power and leverage in business and personal negotiations. 
• Negative emotional responses to power that has been wielded over us. 
• Our hosts' own experiences with negative power and what it feels like to be overpowered.
• The acknowledgment of power and the people with the most of it. 
• The circular nature of the investment and attitude of a leader. 
• Employee engagement and its dependence on the right kind of power. 
• The power of influencing others in a positive way as a much better alternative. 
• Reactions to interacting with people; the three options. 
• You attract more bees with honey than with vinegar; foster positive engagement. 
• An example of technical power used for the greater good of an organization. 

Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Gallup

Bob Cialdini 

Andy Grove

See the show notes and a transcript at https://sheerclarity.com/podcasts/the-issues-clearing-model

This week we’re closing the loop on the issues clearing model. As a tool of last resort, the issues clearing model is the one you’d reach for when all else has failed. Unfortunately, that also means that by this point tensions are probably running high and the risk of a communication breakdown is increased.

So, what happens if the issues clearing model fails? As a leader, what can you do when the model doesn’t work? How do you handle a team member walking out on the process? I’ve been there before and it’s in those moments that your level of comfort with awkwardness and vulnerability are tested. In becoming the consummate leader by attraction, this is an area that you simply cannot avoid.

In this episode, Mathew and I discuss the power of vulnerability for leaders in business. We talk about my personal experience with embracing discomfort and vulnerability, what to do if the issues clearing model fails, the benefits of a breakdown, why leaders need to get comfortable with awkwardness, and so much more!

Coming up next week, we’ll start our two-part series on power where we’ll be discussing what power means, when does it work for you, what it looks like when it’s being misused and more. Until then, we’d love to hear from you! Let us know how you’ve been using the issues clearing model and whether you had to come face to face with awkwardness and vulnerability. Send us your comments and feedback by email or through the form on our home page.

Key Topics:

• Mathew’s recent experience with vulnerability (1:35)
• Why I always tell people to under promise and over deliver (2:07)
• The assumptions you should test before you use the issues clearing model (4:59)
• What negative bonding patterns look like in a relationship (5:24)
• My experience with the issues clearing model failing in an executive setting (6:40)
• My most vulnerable and awkward moment as a facilitator (8:24)
• What to do if you encounter the worst-case scenario with the model (9:19)
• How to recognize a breakdown (10:14)
• Why you might need a breakdown (11:30)
• The benefits of signing up for awkwardness (12:12)
• My uncomfortable experience at a men’s leadership retreat (13:43)
• The fight against vulnerability in the business world (18:50)
• The value of being able to face awkwardness (21:00)
• How I cast off my discomfort and embraced vulnerability (22:13)
• And much more!

Mentioned in this Episode:

• The Issues Clearing Model
• Byron Katie’s Book | Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
• Harville Hendrix, creator of Imago Relationship Therapy
• Brené Brown, Researcher and Storyteller

See the show notes and a transcript at https://sheerclarity.com/podcasts/loincloths-and-the-beating-of-drums

As a leader, you’ll inevitably encounter conflict, whether with your colleagues or team members. It might start as small quarrels that add up over time, sowing the seeds of resentment, or it might happen as one a big eruption that blocks the channels of communication immediately. You've lost control, you start disagreeing about the facts, the whole relationship is broken down. How do you move forward?

When communication has broken down, emotions are running high and resentment has taken hold, it’s time to call on the Issues Clearing Model - an essential tool for every leader by attraction. At first glance, the model feels strict and rigid, but that’s exactly why it works. By forcing everyone to take turns boxing up their emotions into the five elements of the model, you can get the communication done.

In this episode, for the first time since starting the podcast, I’m going to be covering a specific model and sharing detailed instructions on how to apply it yourself. Mathew and I talk about what the issues clearing model is, when to use it, the five elements of the model, why it’s important to follow the rules of engagement to the letter, how executives use this model in the workplace, and much more! I encourage you to gather your team and with the PDF in hand, work through this model together.

We’d love to hear about your experiences using the issues clearing model. Has it helped open back communication channels? Was it a challenge implementing it with your team? Is there any feedback you’d like to share with us?

Next week we’re talking all about vulnerability. It might not make sense right now but all I’m going to say is “loincloth and drum circles.” As always, send us your comments and feedback by email or through the form on our home page.

Key Topics:

• Why I’m cautious about covering the issues clearing model (0:50)
• The exercise I recommend for you to get the most out of this episode (1:45)
• How the seeds of resentment build in a relationship (3:01)
• Why issues clearing is so important for serious relationships (4:51)
• When to use the issues clearing model (5:42)
• The criteria that need to be met before using the issues clearing model (6:34)
• Why I prefer teams to work through the model together (7:03)
• The five elements of every interaction (7:44)
• How the issues clearing model overcomes the emotional hurdles in a disagreement (10:41)
• How to use my PDF to work through the five categories in the model (11:31)
• The vocabulary of feelings (12:03)
• Distinguishing between a feeling and a judgment (13:03)
• Why you should avoid using the term “I feel…” (13:39)
• Why it’s critical to clearly share what you want (14:36)
• The aspect that makes the issues clearing model work when other attempts at communication have failed (14:49)
• The one fundamental rule everyone must follow (15:27)
• The goal of the issues clearing model (17:13)
• Why you should try the model for the first time with a team (19:32)
• How I use the model in an informal way (20:33)
• Why the rules of engagement have to be followed (21:14)
• Why I believe that issues clearly should be a required skill set for executives (24:39)
• And much more!

Mentioned in this Episode:

• The Issues Clearing Model[AS1]
• The Emotional Intelligence Pyramid

See the show notes and a transcript at https://sheerclarity.com/podcasts/the-issues-clearing-model

Positive feedback is important in affirming and reinforcing when people are doing things well, but it doesn’t necessarily teach you about what you need to do to get better. That’s where negative, or constructive, feedback, comes in. Today we’re back with Part 3 on the topic of feedback and we’re taking a deeper look at the not-so-easy second dimension of feedback: negative feedback.

On your path to sheer clarity, I believe mastering negative feedback is essential - both how to give it and how to receive it. But while most people would agree constructive feedback is vital for growth, the reality is that in most corporate contexts, the higher up you go in the hierarchy, the more insulated you are from negative feedback. Unfortunately, if you aren't sending the signal to people that you are open to negative feedback, you're operating in a suboptimal way without important data.

In this episode, Mathew and I look at how to break through the barriers associated with negative feedback. We discuss how you can create an environment where people are comfortable giving you constructive feedback, the inner work you need to do to be able to benefit from constructive criticism, the elements that need to be in place for negative feedback to be well-received, how you can help your team members to recognize the benefits of constructive feedback, and much more!

Next week we’ll be covering issues clearing, where I’ll share my model for handling feedback conversations when they get really dicey. As always, we’d love to hear from you! What has been your most recent experience with negative feedback or constructive criticism? Did you get defensive? Did you already have a good foundation in place to receive or give the feedback? Send us your comments and experiences by email or through the form on our home page.

Key Topics:

• The two main problems leaders have with constructive feedback (1:35)
• How constructive feedback fits into the sheer clarity model (2:18)
• Why you should always seek out constructive criticism (3:58)
• The benefits of negative feedback over positive feedback (4:29)
• The question I want everyone listening to ask themselves (6:09)
• Mathew shares his reaction to a recent experience with negative feedback (6:52)
• The difficulties of getting negative feedback at the top of the organizational hierarchy (9:04)
• How to manage the natural defensive reaction to negative feedback (10:15)
• Why all your direct reports should be able to give you feedback (11:54)
• The connection between emotional intelligence and a successful system of feedback (12:26)
• The two kinds of negative feedback I’ve identified (14:06)
• My latest encounter with negative feedback about my behavior (14:59)
• Creating a strong foundation for giving constructive criticism (17:22)
• A sample of workplace scenarios where people need feedback (17:47)
• Expressing your concern by turning your criticism into an inquiry (19:52)
• Framing your feedback to give a constructive opportunity (21:51)
• And much more!

See the show notes and a transcript at https://sheerclarity.com/podcasts/navigating-negative-feedback

This week we’re back with Part 2 on the topic of feedback. Now that we’ve gotten clear on the philosophy of feedback, we’re drilling down into the first of the two dimensions of feedback: positive feedback.

Being a part of a high-performing team means that there’s a constant expectation of growth, improvement, and positive results. With that focus on performance, we’re often too busy to stop and give positive feedback. So in becoming the consummate leader by attraction, why should you prioritize positive feedback? What does it look like in the corporate context? How do you give genuine, positive feedback?

On this episode, Mathew and I explore the many facets of positive feedback and why it’s such an important aspect of good leadership. We discuss the three key elements of positive feedback, why it’s difficult to get positive feedback as a CEO, how you can train yourself to give more positive feedback, the huge benefits of positive feedback on your team, and so much more!

Next week we’ll be looking at the second dimension of feedback: negative feedback. You’ll hear about how to provide it, how to think about it, how to approach it and how to receive it. Until then, as always, we’d love to hear from you! What has your experience been with giving and receiving feedback? Will you be training yourself to give more positive feedback? What other areas would you want to hear about from us? Send us your comments and experiences by email or through the form on our home page.

Key Topics:

• Mathew’s biggest takeaway from last week’s discussion about feedback (3:34)
• How I define positive feedback (5:26)
• The neurological impact of affirmation (6:10)
• The benefits of reinforcement through positive feedback (7:07)
• Utilizing positive feedback as a source of motivation (7:45)
• The most recent truly positive feedback Mathew received (9:13)
• Why feedback is important at all levels of an organization (10:24)
• The one-sided feedback that’s commonplace on Wall Street (11:14)
• The drawbacks of high-performance teams (12:51)
• How to train yourself to give positive feedback (15:01)
• Why you might not be ready to give positive feedback (17:36)
• Why giving positive feedback is often more challenging than giving negative feedback (18:31)
• How you can make a lasting impact on your team members’ lives (20:16)
• And much more!

See the show notes and a transcript at https://sheerclarity.com/podcasts/the-positive-side-of-feedback