“Girl, leave him.”

It might be one of the easiest pieces of relationship advice to give—especially online. But are we actually encouraging women to walk away from their marriages too quickly?

In this episode of She’s Not Done, Kouelee and Andrea look at the question from two very different perspectives: one woman who is still married and one who has been through divorce.

Maybe women aren't leaving too quickly. Maybe women are simply more financially independent, more informed, and less willing to tolerate behaviors previous generations were expected to accept.

But that doesn't mean divorce should be the first answer either.

They talk about why neither of them feels comfortable telling another woman to leave her husband, the importance of having the hard conversations before walking away, and why Andrea believes that—outside of abusive situations—you should know you've tried every avenue so that if you do leave, you know you tried.

They also get into the influence of divorced friends, why someone else's divorce can force you to examine your own marriage, staying together “for the kids,” cheating, the disappearing shame around divorce, and why social media can make enormous relationship decisions look incredibly simple.

Because we're often judging someone's entire marriage from five minutes of their life online.

And maybe the bigger question isn't whether we're getting divorced too quickly.

Maybe it's whether we're getting married too quickly—and having the important conversations too late.

00:00 Are We Telling Women to Leave Too Quickly?
02:30 Women Aren’t Tolerating the Same Things
05:00 Have You Tried Everything?
07:30 Marriage Takes Work
09:30 Does Divorce Influence Your Friends?
12:00 Trust, Girls Trips & Guys Trips
14:30 Staying Together for the Kids
17:00 What Does “You Deserve Better” Mean?
20:00 Removing the Shame From Divorce
22:00 Social Media Says “Just Leave Him”
24:30 We’re Judging Five Minutes of a Marriage
26:00 Would We Give Men the Same Advice?
28:00 Are We Actually Getting Married Too Quickly?
29:30 Final Thoughts

Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done.

xxx Andrea & Kouelee

Here is where you can find us online:

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/

Tiktok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod

Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod

Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio

What does it mean to feel like a single mom when you're still married?

In this episode of She’s Not Done, Kouelee and Andrea unpack the term “married single mom” and the complicated reality behind it.

Kouelee shares that even in her marriage today, there are times when she's handling the kids alone because of her husband's work schedule. But she also remembers a very different period in her marriage—one filled with resentment because she felt like she had signed up for a partnership and wasn't getting one.

Andrea looks back on her own marriage and remembers being married on paper while handling much of life alone: parenting, decisions, functions, holidays and everyday responsibilities. Eventually, that loneliness led to a painful realization: “If I'm already doing everything alone, I may as well be alone.”

But does having to parent alone sometimes actually make someone a “married single mom”? And is using the term unfair to women who are truly single parents?

They discuss the difference between a partner who can't be there because of work or circumstances and a partner who repeatedly chooses not to show up. They also talk about expectations, resentment, the mental load, broken promises and what happens when you've communicated your needs over and over but nothing changes.

The conversation then goes deeper into what years of doing everything yourself can do to you—even after the relationship changes. Andrea shares how difficult it has become to trust that someone else will actually follow through, while Kouelee talks about how her own marriage has improved through communication, accountability and both partners being willing to change.

Because a healthy marriage isn't one without problems.

It's one where both people are willing to do something about them.

And sometimes the loneliest place isn't actually being alone.

It's feeling alone while someone is sitting right beside you.

00:00 What Is a Married Single Mom?
02:30 Married but Feeling Alone
05:00 “I May as Well Be Alone”
07:30 Parenting Alone vs. No Partnership
10:00 Is Marriage Supposed to Be Hard?
12:30 What Makes a Marriage Healthy?
15:00 Communication & Conflict
17:30 When Your Partner Actually Listens
20:00 “I’ll Just Do It Myself”
22:00 Trust After Being Let Down
24:00 Dads Aren’t “Helping”
26:00 When Work Affects the Partnership
28:00 When Feeling Alone Becomes a Warning Sign
29:30 You’re Not Alone

Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done.

xxx Andrea & Kouelee

Here is where you can find us online:

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/

Tiktok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod

Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod

Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio

What happens when love and money become impossible to separate?

In this episode of She’s Not Done, Kouelee and Andrea revisit financial independence—this time through the lens of marriage, motherhood, divorce, and the decisions we often don’t think about until life forces us to.
Andrea shares what she wishes she had done differently financially while staying home to raise her daughters, including setting aside money of her own and understanding the long-term cost of stepping away from a career. She also opens up about a harder truth: finances played a role in keeping her in an unhappy marriage longer than she otherwise might have stayed.
But how do you tell your spouse, “I want money set aside in case something happens to us,” without making it sound like you’re preparing for divorce?
The conversation turns to why financial education should happen before marriage, what couples should disclose about debt and income, financial security for stay-at-home parents, retirement planning, joint versus individual money, home ownership, prenups, and why every partner should understand what is happening financially in their household.
They also discuss an important distinction: financial independence isn't about expecting your marriage to fail. It can give you the freedom to know you're staying because you genuinely want to—not because you couldn't financially survive if you left.
Because nobody gets married expecting a divorce.
But “that will never happen to us” isn't a financial plan.

00:00 Marriage & Remarriage
04:10 What Andrea Would Change
07:00 Should You Have Your Own Money?
09:30 The Stay-at-Home Mom Career Gap
12:15 Child Support & Financial Independence
14:15 Financial Education Before Marriage
17:15 What If Your Partner Has $100K in Debt?
20:00 Know Your Household Finances
23:00 Staying Because You Can’t Afford to Leave
26:15 Can You Ever Close the Career Gap?
28:45 Money, Divorce & Resentment
31:00 What We Want Our Daughters to Know
34:00 When You Always Put Yourself Last
36:15 Financial Freedom in Marriage
38:15 Prenups & Retirement
40:15 Start With $10
41:30 Final Thoughts

Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done.

xxx Andrea & Kouelee

Here is where you can find us online:

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/

Tiktok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod

Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod

Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio

How much of what we do is actually for ourselves—and how much is because someone else might be watching?

In this episode of She’s Not Done, we’re talking about keeping up appearances: the homes we live in, the cars we drive, the way we dress, our careers, our bodies, our marriages, and especially the lives we show online.

We get into the difference between genuinely wanting nice things and needing those things to prove something to other people. Is buying the bigger house or luxury car something you truly want—or is ego quietly making the decision for you? And if everything disappeared tomorrow, would you still know who you are?

We also talk about how exhausting it can be to maintain a lifestyle once you’ve created it, why looking successful isn’t the same as feeling fulfilled, and how getting older—and becoming mothers—has changed how much we care about other people’s opinions.

Then we get into social media and the comparison trap. We see someone’s marriage, home, body, career or following and compare it to our own without ever seeing the years it took them to get there—or what might actually be happening behind closed doors.

And when it comes to our daughters, that conversation becomes even bigger. How do we raise girls who feel good enough when they’re growing up surrounded by filtered faces, perfect pictures and lives designed to look effortless?

Maybe keeping up appearances isn’t always about impressing other people. Sometimes we’re simply trying to live up to the expectations we’ve created for ourselves.

Because at the end of the day, the question isn’t whether your life looks good.

Does it feel good to you?

TIMESTAMPS

00:00 — Are We All Keeping Up Appearances?
What “keeping up appearances” actually means and the different ways we all do it.

02:15 — When You Stop Trying to Please Everyone
Why age and life experience can change how much we care about other people’s opinions.

04:30 — The Luxury Car vs. the Smart Financial Decision
When ego enters our financial decisions and the hidden cost of buying something because of how it looks.

07:00 — Looking Successful vs. Feeling Fulfilled
Why appearing successful from the outside doesn’t necessarily mean you’re happy with the life you’re living.

09:15 — Knowing Your Worth Without Needing Recognition
Career success, working your way up, and being proud of what you’ve accomplished without needing outside validation.

11:30 — Do We Want Nice Things for Ourselves—or for Other People?
Big houses, clothes, luxury and the difference between genuinely enjoying something and using it to prove your worth.

14:00 — “I’d Give Up This House for a Two-Bedroom Apartment”
Why having nice things doesn’t have to define you—and the difference between ego, gratitude and knowing you could start over.

16:30 — The Comparison Trap
Why seeing someone else’s success can make us feel behind when we have no idea how long it took them to get there.

18:30 — Nothing Is an Overnight Success
Comparing your beginning to someone else’s established success and forgetting the timeline behind what you see.

20:15 — Social Media Is Designed for the Fantasy
Why we post vacations and family pictures—but rarely show the marriage falling apart behind the scenes.

22:30 — Being the Same Person Online and Offline
How exhausting it becomes when your online identity doesn’t match who you actually are.

24:30 — Is Social Media Making Us More Unhappy?
The positive side of social media versus comparison, mental health and the pressure to look perfect.

27:00 — Raising Girls in the Age of Filters
What happens when young girls grow up believing every picture needs to be perfect before it deserves to be posted.

29:45 — Maybe We’re Keeping Up With Ourselves
Clean homes, personal standards and recognizing that not everything we do is about impressing someone else.

32:00 — Motherhood Changed What We’re Willing to Tolerate
How having children changes your perspective on boundaries, respect and the example you want to set for your daughters.

33:30 — Who Are You Really Doing It For?
Final thoughts on authenticity, appearances and creating a life that actually feels like yours.

Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done.

xxx Andrea & Kouelee

Here is where you can find us online:

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/

Tiktok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod

Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod

Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio

Co-sleeping might be one of those parenting topics everyone seems to have an opinion about—but what happens when you stop listening to everyone else and start asking what actually works for your family?

In this episode of She’s Not Done, we’re talking honestly about our very different experiences with co-sleeping, bed-sharing, sleep training, breastfeeding, and eventually transitioning our kids into their own beds.

We look back at the expectations we had before becoming moms—from decorating the perfect nursery to assuming our babies would simply sleep in their cribs—and how quickly those plans changed once our children actually arrived.

We also get into the deeper side of co-sleeping that doesn't get talked about nearly enough: how our own childhood experiences influence the comfort we want to give our kids, whether comforting children makes them less independent, and why sometimes the parent may need the closeness just as much as the child does.

Kouelee shares how co-sleeping became more complicated during a difficult period in her marriage—and the realization that having her daughter in the bed wasn't only providing comfort to her child. It was also creating a barrier between her and her husband during a time when their marriage was struggling.

Andrea shares how co-sleeping changed during separation and divorce, when her daughters needed additional reassurance and security while adjusting to two homes.

We also talk about trying the cry-it-out method because of outside pressure, the guilt that can come with parenting two children differently, transitioning kids out of the family bed, and realizing that sometimes children are far more ready for the next stage than their parents are.

Ultimately, this isn't an episode about telling parents whether they should or shouldn't co-sleep. It's about letting go of the idea that there is one right way to parent—and recognizing the difference between educating parents about their choices and shaming them for making them.

Because whether they're sleeping in your bed, their bed, or crawling into yours after a nightmare, maybe what matters most is that our kids know they are safe, loved, welcome and protected.

00:00 – The Co-Sleeping Debate
Why co-sleeping became part of both of our motherhood stories.

03:15 – The Nursery vs. Reality
Preparing the perfect nursery—and then realizing your newborn doesn't necessarily want to sleep there.

06:30 – Choosing Sleep Over Everyone Else's Opinions
When what works for your baby becomes more important than what other people think.

09:15 – “Co-Sleeping Will Ruin Your Marriage”
Sex, intimacy and the warnings parents hear about letting children into their beds.

12:00 – Two Kids, Two Completely Different Sleep Experiences
Why one child loved co-sleeping while another was perfectly content sleeping independently.

15:15 – Do We Need the Closeness More Than Our Kids?
Mom guilt, comfort and realizing that sometimes letting go is harder for us.

18:00 – When Co-Sleeping Became a Barrier in Marriage
A brutally honest conversation about using the family bed as comfort during a difficult season in a relationship.

21:00 – Cry It Out & Parenting Pressure
Trying sleep training because other people said we should—and realizing it wasn't right for us.

24:00 – Trusting That They'll Eventually Be Ready
Why independence doesn't always have to be forced.

27:00 – How Our Childhood Shapes Our Parenting
The comfort we didn't receive as children and how those experiences show up in the parents we've become.

30:00 – Breastfeeding, Pacifiers & Mom Guilt
Why every transition can feel enormous to Mom—even when our kids handle it better than expected.

33:30 – Bedtime Routines & Laying With Our Kids
Do we really need to teach them to fall asleep without us—or are we rushing something that's incredibly short-lived?

36:30 – Stop Shaming Parents. Start Educating Them.
Why fear and judgment aren't the same thing as giving parents information.

39:00 – Whatever Works for Your Family
Our final thoughts on co-sleeping, independence, security and letting families make their own choices.

Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done.

xxx Andrea & Kouelee

Here is where you can find us online:

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/

Tiktok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod

Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod

Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio

Are parents today too afraid of being disliked by their kids?

In this episode, we talk about the uncomfortable side of modern parenting: the pressure to keep our kids happy, the guilt that makes us say yes when we really want to say no, and why being a good parent sometimes means being okay with your child being mad at you.

We get into the difference between wanting a close relationship with your children and trying to be their friend, why consistency actually makes kids feel safer, and what happens when “no” slowly turns into “fine.”

Andrea opens up about how divorce guilt affected the way she parented, while Coley shares why one of her biggest fears isn’t her daughters disliking her today—it’s wondering whether togetherness will still matter to them when they’re grown.

We also talk about social media, taking away TikTok and YouTube, parent guilt, emotional validation, apologizing when we get it wrong, and the reality that we’re parenting ages and situations we’ve never experienced before.

At the end of the day, maybe the goal isn’t to raise children who are always happy with us.

Maybe it’s to raise capable adults who know they were loved enough for us to say no.

Timestamps 

00:00 Are parents too afraid of being disliked by their kids?
02:30 The fear that your kids won’t want a relationship with you when they’re older
05:30 “You can dislike me”—why parenting isn’t about being their friend
08:15 Divorce guilt and saying yes to make up for what kids have lost
11:00 Can parents accidentally try to buy connection with their kids?
14:00 Giving kids emotional safety without validating absolutely everything
17:00 Breaking generational parenting patterns
19:45 Taking away TikTok, YouTube and holding boundaries they hate
22:30 Parents make mistakes too: apologizing and asking your kids for grace
25:00 Happy children vs. capable adults
28:00 Why consistency matters—and what happens when “no” becomes “fine”
31:30 The strict parent, the fun parent, and what kids really need

Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done.

xxx Andrea & Kouelee

Here is where you can find us online:

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/

Tiktok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod

Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod

Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio

How much of the way we see our bodies is actually about our bodies… and how much of it is about how we feel inside?

In this episode of She’s Not Done, we get honest about body image, confidence, aging, motherhood, food, comparison, and the years many women spend believing they’re somehow not “good enough.”

We talk about looking back at photos from our 20s and realizing we were criticizing bodies we’d now call incredible, the unhealthy eating habits that can start young and follow us into adulthood, and what happens when body image keeps us from fully participating in our own lives.

We also get into why commenting on someone’s weight—even as a compliment—can do more harm than we realize, how raising daughters has changed the way we speak about ourselves, and why taking the picture matters even when you don’t feel your best.

And maybe confidence has much less to do with what we see in the mirror than we think.

Because sometimes your body can look exactly the same… and you can feel completely different inside. 

Timestamps

00:00 – Body image: how do we feel about ourselves today?
03:15 – Looking back at our 25-year-old bodies
06:20 – When unhealthy eating habits start young
10:00 – Trying to achieve the “perfect” body
13:00 – Gaining weight after motherhood & avoiding pictures
16:00 – Take the picture: your kids won’t see what you see
19:30 – Can we blame social media for body image issues?
23:00 – Stop commenting on women’s bodies
26:30 – Raising daughters changes how we talk about ourselves
30:00 – Missing events because you don’t feel good in your clothes
33:45 – Confidence: does it come from peace or appearance?
37:15 – Movement, routines & healthier coping mechanisms
40:30 – Loving yourself without needing to love every part of your body
43:00 – Final thoughts: does every woman struggle with body image?

Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done.

xxx Andrea & Kouelee

Here is where you can find us online:

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/

Tiktok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod

Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod

Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio

Everyone says having kids changes your marriage—but does it make it stronger, or does it simply reveal what's already there?

In this honest conversation, we unpack one of the biggest myths about marriage and parenting. We discuss why children don't create relationship problems, how they amplify communication issues, the pressure of parenting styles, and why so many couples stay together "for the kids."

Andrea shares the heartbreaking reality of realizing divorce also meant giving up the dream of another child, while Coley reflects on how working through relationship struggles before having a second child changed her marriage.

Whether you're newly married, raising little ones, or wondering if your relationship is surviving the chaos of parenthood, this episode will remind you that you're not alone.

Timestamps 

00:00 Cold open: "I've never heard anyone say a baby fixed their marriage."

01:20 Do people secretly believe another baby will save their relationship?

04:10 Why kids don't create problems—they expose them.

07:15 The exhaustion, stress, and pressure that change a marriage.

10:40 Andrea shares how divorce meant letting go of having another child.

14:05 Why parenting styles become the real source of conflict.

17:15 The resentment that builds when one partner isn't reliable.

20:30 Staying together "for the kids" and ignoring relationship problems.

24:15 Communication: when repeated conversations stop leading to change.

28:00 What healthy marriages do differently after kids.

31:10 Looking back: what we'd do differently before having children.

33:00 Final thoughts: Do kids bring couples closer—or expose the cracks?

Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done.

xxx Andrea & Kouelee

Here is where you can find us online:

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/

Tiktok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod

Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod

Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio

Does work-life balance actually exist… or are we chasing a fantasy?

Everyone talks about finding work-life balance—but what if it's something we'll never truly achieve?

In this episode of She's Not Done, we unpack the pressure women face to "do it all" while juggling careers, marriages, motherhood, friendships, and the endless mental load that comes with it. We share our very different experiences—one married, one divorced—and explore how balance looks different in every season of life.

We dive into mom guilt, why women struggle to put themselves first, teaching kids to help around the house, the invisible mental load, and why saying "yes" to one thing often means saying "no" to another.

Maybe the goal isn't balance at all.

Maybe it's building a life that reflects your priorities.

0:00 – Introduction: Does work-life balance exist?

02:15 – Married vs. divorced: Does balance look different?

05:20 – The trade-offs nobody talks about

08:45 – There aren't enough hours in the day

11:30 – Getting kids involved instead of doing everything yourself

15:00 – Chores, independence, and raising capable kids

18:00 – The mental load mothers carry

21:15 – Why making time for your marriage is so difficult

24:30 – Mom guilt and putting yourself last

27:00 – Self-care, habit stacking, and realistic routines

29:45 – Delegating and asking for help

32:00 – Why women are judged differently than men

34:30 – Letting go of guilt and redefining balance

36:00 – Final thoughts: Maybe balance isn't the goal

Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done.

xxx Andrea & Kouelee

Here is where you can find us online:

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/

Tiktok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod

Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod

Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio

As parents, our instinct is to protect our children. But when does protecting them start holding them back?

In this episode, we dive into one of the biggest parenting challenges—raising confident, independent kids while still wanting to hold onto their childhood. We share honest stories about school buses, learning to ride bikes, Montessori education, letting go of control, teaching confidence, financial independence, and the little parenting moments that shape our children into capable adults.

We also open up about our own parenting mistakes, the fears we've accidentally passed down to our daughters, and why independence isn't just about tying shoes—it's about teaching kids to advocate for themselves, trust themselves, and believe they're capable.

Whether you're raising toddlers, school-age kids, or teenagers, this conversation will make you think differently about what it really means to prepare our children for the real world.

00:00 – Introduction & today's conversation: Are we raising independent kids?

02:15 – The school bus debate: freedom vs. fear

06:45 – When other kids introduce conversations you're not ready to have

10:10 – Every household teaches independence differently

13:15 – Why I chose Montessori (and why it helped me as much as my kids)

16:20 – Teaching kids to pack their own suitcase

18:45 – Eye contact, ordering food, and building confidence

22:10 – "Do you want me to listen or help you solve it?"

25:20 – Healing our own childhood while raising our children

28:30 – Letting go without letting fear win

31:00 – How overprotection affected my daughter's confidence

33:40 – Learning to ride a bike—and believing she could

36:00 – Life skills vs. academics: What matters most?

38:00 – Teaching financial independence from a young age

40:00 – Final thoughts: Are we preparing our kids for adulthood?

Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done.

xxx Andrea & Kouelee

Here is where you can find us online:

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/

Tiktok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod

Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod

Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio