Sideways Truth

To me, anger is vilified and gets a bad rap. Like any other feeling, it's a messenger and one we'd benefit from listening to. I know some of you are scared of your anger, that it will consume you or burn others. And we can be fearful of the anger of others. But today I talk about the possibilities of letting anger burn clean to the truth. Until we hear it, it will keep coming up and burn us within. I also talk about using a controlled burn so anger can burn clean but also keeps you and others safe. Anger is passion and it is fuel. While often WILDLY uncomfortable, to ignore it is giving yourself an emotional lobotomy. Let's do what we can to be safe with anger and to let it be the messenger and transformative tool that is it.

Highlights: (As always, consider context, nuance, and discernment, to find what is true for you.)

• May your anger burn clean, so you can get to what is true. (1:59)

• Anger is often a mask for something else. but still potentially holy in its own right. (4:26)

• We're often afraid that anger (ours and others') will consume us. (5:53)

• If we're angry, there's a reason for it and it needs to be heard. (6:25)

• If our anger can't burn cleanly, it burns us. (7:09)

• Like a controlled burn, what conditions do you need for clean and safe burning of your anger? (10:44)

• Anger is not bad per se, but a message that something is not working for us. (12:13)

Links:
Links: Lauren Bacon, Business Coach, great voice!
Healthy Boundaries for Kind People

My first podcast!  I thought I'd start off with some recurring themes from our Healthy Boundaries for Kind People work.  Here's the thing: those challenged by boundaries and/or people pleasers tend to both bend over backward to meet the needs of others, while also feeling pathetic and "needy" that they have needs of their own.  Oh, we are a funny species! So, I thought I'd offer you a different way of looking at it and a few "hows" to get you out violating your own boundaries to please others.  

Here are a few things I'd like to highlight from this episode:
- Please consider my favorite tools of context, nuance, and discernment to see what rings true for you. (2:29)
- Why I think traditional boundary strategies and advice, fails kind people. (It's a trap!) (4:10) - We can acknowledge someone's needs without having to meet those needs.(5:43) - We're willing to violate our own boundaries to prove our worthiness to others. (9:17) 
- You can care about someone's feeling without becoming the caretaker of their feelings. (10:56)
- People pleasing is often an attempt to manage someone else's emotional response. (12:31)
- When my clients dig into the deep boundary work, they often discover that they're not as good as they think about honoring the boundaries of others. (15:54)
- Honoring your own boundaries helps others to see that you have them. (17:29)
- We honor our boundaries (and show deep respect for others) when we shift from the person who has to "save" them to the person who believes in them. (17:55)

Links: Healthy Boundaries for Kind People (begins in September) Slow Business Adventure in Norway (September)