Description: While you were busy posting cat memes, a socially awkward code monkey with all the charisma of wet cardboard convinced three billion people to voluntarily enter his digital prison. Now he's turning your family photos into corporate gold mines and your personal traumas into quarterly earnings reports. Congratulations, we played ourselves.

Spice Index: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! This piece delivers scorching tech criticism wrapped in unfiltered humor. The metaphors comparing social media to addiction and exploitation cut through industry jargon with refreshing clarity. While the tone shifts between biting satire and genuine concern, the underlying analysis of how we've normalized digital surveillance remains consistently sharp. Not recommended for Facebook shareholders or those who prefer their tech commentary with the edges sanded off.