This is a little song I wrote in June 2026. Here are the words:

Your train is late

don't get in a state

please patiently wait

for another up-date

There are leaves on the line

and worms in the wine

and the train can't climb

a small incline

There are wires down

all over town

and the wifi's weak

and the seats squeak

There are swans on the track

eating flapjacks

and geese in a pack

planning an attack

The points won't change

it's rather strange

'cause you can be sure

they worked before

The signals have failed

the driver has bailed

and the guard's been jailed

and the train's been derailed

We always strive

to ensure trains arrive

whether on time or late

it's all up to fate

and nothing to do with us, with us

and nothing to do with us, with us

and nothing to do with us, with us

and nothing to do with us, with us

This recording features me singing and playing the baritone ukulele and flute. The chords are G, C and D.

This is a little ditty I wrote in April 2026 inspired by ways to say that someone has lost their marbles (gone crazy) in French such as perdre le nord (to lose the north). The recording features me singing and playing the tenor ukulele. The chords are Dm, Gm, A7. Here are the words:

Il a perdu le nord,

et le sud, l'est et l'ouest

He has lost the north,

and the south, east and west

Il a perdu la boussole,

et la carte et son chemin

He has lost his compass,

and his map and his way

Il a perdu la boule,

et la batte et ses billes

He's lost the ball,

and the bat and his marbles

Il a perdu la raison,

et la tête et les pédales

He's lost his reason,

and his mind and his pedals

Il a perdu son latin,

et son grec et ses moyens

He's lost his Latin,

and his Greek and his means

Il est au bout de son latin

et il sait plus sur quel pied dancer

He's at the end of his Latin

and doesn't know which foot to dance on

Il a perdu le nord,

et le sud, l'est et l'ouest

He has lost the north,

and the south, east and west

Il est perdu, il est perdu

Il est perdu, il est perdu

He is lost, he's lost

He is lost, he is lost

Il est perdu

This is a song I wrote in March 2026 based on the saying 'to throw in the towel', and other ways to say that you give up, quit, etc. The accompaniment is played on the baritone ukulele using E, A and B7 chords.

Here are the words:

However hard you try

to reach for the sky

You might just fail and want to bail

But there's no need to flap or flail

Maybe it's not your hour

to blossom and flower

you need more time to finish your climb

and to build up all your power

When it's time to quit

and you really want to split

just call it day and go on your way

as there's no need to stop or stay

If the moment is right

to give up the fight

throw in the towel and put down your trowel

and wipe away that scowl

Do it with style

with a great big smile

it's not the end, so don't go round the bend

as you turn down the dial

When you're rested and ready

to have another go

take it slow and let things flow

and let yourself grow

If you think you might stray

and need help on your way

look for a guide to be by your side

and don't be tied by pride

Listen to your heart

and find the right part

the road may be long and but if you stay strong

you'll find where you belong

you'll find where you belong

This is a little song I wrote in Feburary 2026 for no particular reason. It's about feeling frustrated that you're not managing to do the things you want to do, and the internal and external pressures that might be holding you back.

Here are the words:

What's holding you back?

Is it the things that you lack

or the things that you wish you had?

What's bothering you?

Is it the things you can't do

or the things that you wish you knew?

What's making you pale?

Is it the fear you'll fail

as you sail to seas unknown?

What's slowing you down

and making you frown?

Is it the fear you'll look like a clown?

Do you worry they'll mock you

or try to stop you

or try to get in your way?

You can prove them wrong

if you stay strong

and stay true to your heart and soul

The chords are D G A, and you can hear me singing and playing the baritone and tenor ukuleles, and the swanee whistle on the recording.

This is a song I wrote in October 2025 based on the saying 'when the cat's away, the mice will play', and similar sayings in other languages.

Here are the words:

When the cat's away

the mice will play

they'll play all day

or so they say

They'll play cards in the kitchen

and poker in the pantry

and dice on the deck

and ludo in the loft

When the cat's in France

The mice will dance

They'll dance a jig

With a peacock and a pig

They'll waltz in the wok

and conga up the clock

and tango round the table

and salsa in the stable

When the cat's in Spain

The mice won't complain

They'll have a ball

And party in the hall

They'll invite all their mates

and eat all the dates

and race round on rats

and wear silly hats

When the cat's away

the mice will play

they'll play all day

or so they say

This is a song I wrote in August 2025 based on the phrase 'it's all Greek to me' and other ways to say that something is incomprehensible in various languages. This recording was made by me, and features me singing and playing the tenor and baritone ukuleles, shaky egg and kazoo.

The Greek phrases you hear at the beginning of the track are ways to say that something is not understood in Greek (generated by https://ttsconverter.io/): Εἶναι γιὰ μένα κινέζικα (It's Chinese to me), Εἶναι ἀλαμπουρνέζικα (It's gobbledygook) and Εν τούρτζικα που μιλάς; (Are you speaking Turkish?). You can find other translations of this phrase in various languages at: https://www.omniglot.com/language/idioms/incomprehensible.php

Here are the words:

It's all Greek to me

It's all Greek to me

I don't understand a single word

It's all Greek to me

It's all Greek to me

and not my cup of tea

It might as well be Double Dutch

It really is too much

I don't understand a thing

It makes no sense to me

It's all a load of gibberish

It's all Greek to me

It's like a Spanish village

or a little Bohemian one

or is it like a Russian town?

It just makes me frown

It's quite beyond me

It's complete gobbledygook

It must be from an alien nation

and I only understand railway station

This is a song I wrote in June/July 2025 for no particular reason. It plays with the word discombobulation, which means an embarrassing feeling that leaves a person confused, or a confused or disorderly state, and was coined in the USA some time in the early 19th century.

This recording features me on vocals, guitar, cavaquinho, descant recorder, tenor recorder and (GarageBand) drums. Here are the words:

Discombobulation

is causing consternation

and fueling frustration

among the population

Much misinformation

and devious deception

creeps like a conflagration

across the whole nation

There's a lot of lamentation

and not much motivation,

and a deep disinclination

to solve the situation

Cool cooperation

and calm communication

and deft determination

can cause combobulation

By the way, combobulation means the opposite of discombobulation; i.e. means an orderly, composed, organized state.

See also: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/discombobulate#English

https://www.omniglot.com/radio/?p=4024

This song is about minding gaps that I wrote in May 2025. You can hear announcements advising you to 'mind the gap' on trains and stations in the UK, especially on the London Underground.

Here are the words:

Mind the gap

between the train and the platform

Mind the gap

between the plane and the ground

Mind the gap

between the boat and the dock

Mind the gap

between the cart and the horse

Chorus

Mind the gap, oh mind the gap

oh mind the gap, oh mind the gap

Mind the gap, oh mind the gap

Oh please do mind the gap

Mind the gap

between here and there

Mind the gap

between this and that

Mind the gap

between day and night

Mind the gap

between now and then

Mind the gap

between dreams and reality

Mind the gap

between needs and wants

Mind the gap

between fact and fiction

Mind the gap

between truth and lies

This is a song I wrote and recorded in June 2025 based on the phrase 'pie in the sky', which refers to something unobtainable, and comes from a 1911 song by the American labour leader Joe Hill (1879–1915), which includes the line: ‘Work and pray, live on hay, You'll get pie in the sky when you die’. https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/pie+in+the+sky

Here are the words:

If you fly up high

and open your eyes

you might just spy

some pie in the sky

At the end of the rainbow

you might just find

a pretty pot of gold

or so I've been told

If you search here and there

and everywhere

you might just snare

a castle in the air

Whatever you seek

Wherever you peek

You might just see

something unique

So open your eyes

and your ears and your mind

cause you never know

what you might find

cause you never know

what you might find

Played on the baritone ukulele, high and low whistles and the bodhrán. All parts sung / played by me. The chords are C, F and G

This is a little song I started writing in November 2024, and finished and recorded in March 2025.

Here are the words:

Chorus

What are you waiting for?

Oh What are you waiting for?

Just walk through the door

and go and explore.

Oh, what are you waiting for?

If you're waiting for the right time

If you're waiting for the right rhyme,

you'll be waiting a while

and it could be a trial

so why not go for it?

If you're waiting 'til you're ready

and everything's good and steady

you may never start

to do what's in your heart

but that would not be smart

Maybe you will fail

or maybe you will fly

but you'll never know

unless you go with the flow

and put on the very best show