There is a quiet misunderstanding many people carry.
They believe they are afraid of failure.
But if we listen to the body —not the story —we often find something else.
A reaction to success itself.
1. When Things Go Well
Notice what happens when life opens a door.
The client says yes.The date flows.The money lands.The idea works.
And instead of relief, something tightens.
An urge to withdraw.A sudden irritability.A spiral that seems to arrive out of nowhere.
This is not a mindset flaw.It is not a lack of gratitude.
It is your nervous system doing its job.
Pause here
You don’t need to answer perfectly.
Just notice.
* When something good happens in your life, what tends to follow?
* Do you feel energized, uneasy, distracted, or suddenly self-critical?
* What do you usually do right after a win?
No fixing.Just observation.
2. The Nervous System’s Thermostat
In somatic psychology, we talk about the Window of Tolerance.
Author Gay Hendricks describes a related pattern called the Upper Limit Problem.
An image helps here.
Think of your nervous system like a thermostat.
If your internal setting is calibrated to struggle, effort, or just getting by, that becomes your baseline for safety.Not because it feels good — but because it is known.
So when something genuinely good happens, the internal temperature rises.
Joy.Visibility.Expansion.
And the body responds with a quiet alarm:
This is unfamiliar. This might be unsafe.
The system attempts to bring you back down to what it recognizes.
That “cooling” often looks like self-sabotage.
Pause again
Stay curious.
* What feels most familiar to your body: ease or effort?
* When things slow down or stabilize, do you relax — or get restless?
* What level of “aliveness” feels tolerable before you brace?
3. Why Excitement Can Feel Like Fear
To the amygdala — the part of the brain scanning for danger —excitement and fear are nearly indistinguishable.
Both involve:
* increased heart rate
* heightened sensation
* shallow breath
* alertness
If you grew up in chaos, stress, or emotional unpredictability, your body learned something important:
Intensity meant something was about to go wrong.
So when a big win arrives, your body may not celebrate.
It prepares.
Not because you are broken —but because your nervous system is protective.
A gentle check-in
Let this be simple.
* How does your body respond to intensity, even positive intensity?
* When you feel excited, do you also feel the urge to brace or scan?
* What happens to your breath when something good approaches?
The Visibility Question
For many women, there is another layer beneath this.
Visibility.
For most of human history, safety meant belonging.Standing out — having more, being seen, taking up space — could threaten attachment.
That memory still lives in the body.
So as success grows, a quiet question may surface:
If I get bigger… will I still belong?
Will I be loved?Will I be resented?Will I be alone?
Without conscious awareness, we sometimes shrink ourselves back to the size of our environment — not because we lack desire, but because connection feels essential.
Sit with this gently
No conclusions required.
* What did “standing out” mean in your family or community?
* Who were you allowed to be — and who were you not?
* When you imagine being fully visible, what emotions arise first?
The Practice of Titration
This work is not about pushing past fear.
It is about expanding capacity.
In somatic work, we use a principle called titration — adding intensity slowly, in manageable amounts.
Like warming a cold glass, drop by drop.
Try this now:
* Bring to mind a small recent win — something genuinely good but not overwhelming.
* Notice where your body registers that goodness. Warmth, softness, expansion.
* Stay with that sensation for 10 seconds.
* If you feel the urge to deflect, minimize, or pull away — pause. Breathe. Return gently.
This is how the nervous system learns.
Not through force.Through repetition.
After the practice
Reflect quietly.
* What was hardest about staying with the good?
* Did any protective impulses arise?
* What did your body need in order to stay present?
A Closing Truth
You do not need to break through anything.
You do not need to override your fear.
Your body is not resisting success —it is asking for safety as you expand.
It is safe to feel good.It is safe to be seen.It is safe to be big.
And that safety is built slowly, patiently, one sensation at a time.
If this resonated, you may want to explore the next piece where we talk about the False Self — and why it often activates right when life starts to open.
You’re not behind.
You’re learning how to hold more.
If you’d like, to go deeper - grab these resources:
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