Episode 75: Single Is The New Black, With Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell [PODCAST]

One of the most life impacting decisions that a person can make is the decision to be married. And for women especially there is a great deal of pressure to get married at a fairly young age. When a woman winds up unmarried in her 30s or 40s, the stigma that something is wrong with her, or that she’s too picky starts to circulate among her friends. Today’s guest, Dr. Karen Anderson Abrell has written a new book, “Single is The New Black” that unveils these unhealthy ideas and shows why it’s better to remain single than to get into a bad marriage. You’ll enjoy this conversation.

She left her fiance standing at the altar – almost.

Two months before her wedding, Karin Anderson was immersed in the planning and details that go into a public wedding ceremony. But inside, something was gnawing at her. Was he the right guy? Should she go through with it? Though she’d already spent a great deal of time and money getting read for what was supposed to be a happy event, she realized that it might not be so happy, simply because she wasn’t convinced that her fiance was the right man for her. That experience led Karin to write on the subject, and on today’s episode you’ll hear her conversation with David T.S. Wood about what she’s learned and what she believes regarding waiting for marriage.

The most important decision of your life deserves some serious patience.

Undoubtedly, the choice of a marriage partner is the one decision that can impact you in a life long way. Yet, we live in a culture that pressures young women to get married early in their adult life. But what if she hasn’t found the guy who’s a good fit for her? Is she being too picky? Dr. Karin believes that such a momentous and life altering decision deserves patience and careful consideration, and if a woman needs to wait, then she should. Hear what science and her own observations have to say about this issue on this episode of Crank It Up.

The conversation about waiting for the right marriage partner should happen in families.

Dr. Karin is amazed that the things that should be taught and understood from growing up in a family, typically are not taught or understood. She believes that if parents had conversations about the importance of waiting for the right person from the time their children were very young, there would be less unfulfilling marriages and divorces that are so prevalent in our culture. Her insights are quite compelling, so be sure you take the time to listen to this episode.

Make sure you take the time to become “complete” in  yourself before you marry.

A common misperception Dr. Karin has noticed is that many women especially feel that they will be completed by their marriage partner. But the reality is that any marriage partner you find will be incomplete just like you are. You’ve got to work on being healthy and complete in your own identity before you’re ready to share yourself with another person. Dr. Karin’s advice is that young women focus on being healthy and whole themselves before they even think about getting married. Her ideas could be a bit controversial, so you’ll have to judge for yourself on this episode.

Outline of this great episode

[0:48] David’s introduction and welcome to you and his guest, Dr. Karin.

[2:37] Why Karin called out her wedding.

[4:32] How often do people wind up at the wedding altar with serious doubts?

[5:45] Why very few couples have that special spark.

[7:33] Why friends don’t typically say something if they feel the match is wrong.

[9:45] Karin’s background and education.

[11:16] How Karin’s first book was birthed.

[12:49] Where women get their value from: relationships.

[14:47] Why women need to be whole before they step into marriage.

[16:02] Strategies to be whole without being married.

[17:43] Why isn’t this a normal conversation we have with our kids?