This is more of a philosophical line of thinking and it might not reasonate with you guys. But I find myself thinking about the scramble for our attention, and wondering how much of our thoughts, dreams and desires are shaped by someone else’s agenda. How much of life do we miss out on by falling into the trap of social media doom scrolling, the societal norms and standards. I often fantasise that living outside the physical body would open us up to so much more of the world. If we invested time in our spiritual selves as we do our physical lives. I’m not sure what that looks like yet but I do know that religion has nothing to do with it, and more to do perhaps with disconnecting from the constant input of other people’s information.

I came across this morning and it states the following: Loneliness does not come having no people, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to one’s self. This quote truly captured the essence of this episode and some of the observations I’ve made. It also made sense to me why men would struggle with loneliness given the inability to express themselves emotionally and to communicate their needs. I am so fortunate that I’m surrounded by friends who meet my needs and in the process, have become my own family.

I faced serious backlash when I first expressed this concerned, and yet the divide seems to be broadening. We’re so far apart as men and women. I’m afraid we won’t find a middle ground for us to coexist harmoniously, come together to build families and preserve our legacies. I know I’m catastrophising but, we might be headed for a very slow but surely slippery slope if nothing changes. Despite the dire circumstances and outlook, I remain hopeful that we will find our way back to each other.

I did not expect that my journey to finding love would be so controversial and alienate me from either side. I always knew that it wouldn’t be popular with the more conservative group - nothing about my self expression is. But I was equally surprised when someone of the feminist women I know and look up to expressed disappointment in me. Nonetheless, this is my journey and truth, and I choose to live it. I know that romantic relationships have been a graveyard for powerful women but I still choose to pursue them with hopes that I’ll cultivate a fulfilling partnership, and that opening up about the process will keep me honest.

My friend says I do vulnerability very well, but honestly, I only do it once I’ve survived the storm. In the moment, I still disappear and try to fix myself alone. As I get older, I’m realising that the isolation feels like double punishment.

As a result, I’m learning to let my people in even when I don’t feel like my best self, trusting that I’m not a burden and that they don’t only love me when I’m rainbows and sunshine. If, like me, you’re always the strong friend, sister, daughter or partner, this episode is for you. I hope you’ll start to allow others to hold when you hurt.

I think that sometimes we mistake fear for a stop sign or a warning that something is wrong. That we aren’t ready. But I think fear is a signal that something really matters to us. It’s the tension that comes with wanting something deeply enough that the thought of failing feels unbearable. In this episode, I hope to remind you that fear isn’t always a reason to stop. Sometimes, we must see it as an invitation to push forward and do the thing anyway.

It’s so important for me that we become active participants in creating the type of relationships we want. Often times, we place the blame on others while failing to see our shortcomings. I hope this episode helps you reflect in how you’ve been showing up for the people around you, and see if there’s any areas of improvement.

I hadn’t planned for the first few episodes to be a reflection of starting this podcast but I found it fitting to be transparent about it. The lessons are applicable in various situations I hope will inspire you to start your journeys too! Let this be your evidence that where you are today is enough. You’ll refine the vision with time as long as you keep showing consistently.

I feel very unqualified to do this despite receiving encouragement from many friends and strangers. I suppose I feel anxious to share random thoughts and feelings on a “serious” platform like this unlike IG stories and TikTok where things only last for 24 hours. Still, I choose to continue despite my own feelings of inadequacy right now. Even though things aren’t perfect.

Soft Rebellion is my way of mending the divide between the extremes that make it difficult to coexist. It is meant to shine a light on those left in the middle, to know that their lives and ways of being, matter too.