It’s all about a snake’s snacks today. It’s day 20 you guys, of Flash Fiction February. Richard and Roger get a lesson in land co-management.

“Why don’t gophers just use the same hole they used yesterday? Why do they make a new hole every day, right next to the hole they made yesterday?” Roger asks his big brother Richard.

Richard answers, “Because they’re stupid.”

Richard is preparing the gopher holes with poison. There is a big, three-prong plan that his dad came up with, and the first phase is poison. The gophers own the yard. The ground is softened under a lot of the yard where their little underground caverns are, the ones they use once and abandon until the next day when they dig a brand new one.

They watched the videos on CensorTube, and they are combining the best treatments to see if they can push back on the gophers to hopefully have this issue dealt with sufficiently until next year, at least.

Beneath the Surface: Secrets, Strategies, and the Snake in the Hole

“We’re going to get this poison in the ground, it has a good smell to them, we’re going to get them in here with the poison.” Richard says. Then in the evening, we’re going to use smoke bombs and close up the holes so they will hopefully suffocate in there.”

“Won’t that be stinky when they die and their bodies rot?” Roger asks.

“To them, it might be, but they’ll be underground, and that’s just the second part of the plan.” Roger explains. “We are going to have a lot of work to do around here after tomorrow.”

“What do you mean?” Asks Roger.

“Dad is renting a tamper. Tonight we are going to tamp both yards, the whole property after dark, when the gophers have been poisoned and trapped in the smoke, we’re going to collapse the tunnels and the little dig-outs they have under the yard.” Richard says.

“He’s renting a what?” Roger asks.

“A tamper. It’s a machine that vibrates, and it pounds the dirt very hard and presses everything down, it packs the dirt tightly. It will close up all the gopher holes and the tunnels they made, and it will bury them in there.”

“Wow. That’s scary,” said Roger.

“It is for them," said Richard.

“Then the gophers will be gone forever?” Roger asks.

“Till at least next year.” Richard goes on. “There are going to be sunken areas of the yard, places that really get crushed down. We’re going to have to add more dirt, then tamp that down so it’s also very firm, and then we’ll have to plant new grass seed over those areas. It’s a lot to do.”

“But at least we won’t have to deal with gophers this year any more.” Roger adds.

Just then, as Roger is following behind Richard and looking into the little gopher holes where the poison is being inserted, Roger hears a noise, like something rubbing the ground, he hears a hiss, and a snake emerges from one of the gopher holes.

Roger screams and runs from the hole. Richard notices what’s happening and assuages Roger. “Don’t worry, he’s not poisonous,” Richard calls to Roger. “He can’t get out of the hole; he’s full of gopher, his belly has him wedged in there. He’ll probably go back in the hole where he feels safe.”

“Why do you poisssson my gopherssss?” Hisses the snake. “When you poissson my gophersss, you poissson me.”

“He’s talking! The snake is talking.” Roger exclaims. “He said we were poisoning his gophers.”

"No, he isn't,” Richard says. “Snakes can’t talk.”

“You ssspeak of ssssuffocating and crushing my gopherssss.” The snake says, “Why would you do thisss?” Can’t you sssee the sssymbiotic nature of our relationship?”

“He’s not talking; ignore him.” Richard says.

“Everything you do to these gopherssss, you ultimately do to yourssself, or to your future ssself, or to your children.” Says the snake. “The Earth is a closssed sssystem.”

“What does he mean?” Roger asks.

“He’s crazy,” Richard says.

"Firssst, you sssay I can’t talk, that I am not talking to you. Then you sssay I’m crazy. You’re obviousssly lissstening, and your rebuttal iss a typical ad hominem ssswipe by someone who knowsssss they’re missssstating eventssssss.”

As the snake finishes these words, he wriggles himself backwards and slides back down into the gopher hole. His tongue makes one last appearance as his head disappears down the hole.

“I didn’t know snakes could talk.” Roger says.

“Snakes can’t talk.” Richard says. “Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone that snakes can talk, they’ll think you’re crazy.”

“That snake was eating gophers. He’s mad that we are killing his food.” Roger says.

“He’s got time to get out of there.” Richard says. “He knows what’s about to go down.”

As they are talking, their dad drives up to the yard. He gets out, carrying a box.

“Hey dad, there was a sn,” Richard interrupts Roger. SHHHH!"! What’d I tell you!”

Dad walks up to the boys as they’re working, and he puts down a box.

“Is that the smoke bombs? Richard asks.

“This is for Frank, he’s the snake that lives in the tunnels. When you see him, tell him to slide into the box, and tell him I said what’s up.” Dad says.

The End.

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