Today I learned that some us get too excited. I was watching a video of this guy who was standing at the mound screaming at the top of his lungs about utter nonsense. He had thrown together a concert and was talking about his struggles doing so and what he had to overcome to get to the point he is now. I couldn’t help but cringe watching that video because the guy had totally lost control of himself. He was sputtering whatever entered his mind. I began to grow ashamed at that video because I soon remembered moments in my life where I’ve made similar actions. I then began to cringe at myself. Some of us are born with the inclination to be less self aware. There have been many moments in life where I got far too involved with personal projects and neglected how I was coming across. I couldn’t see myself becuase I was too focused on developing the idea I was passionately working on. I suspect the guy in the video was bipolar and was having a manic episode. Just seeing him make a fool of himself really scared the hell out of me. Watching that video made me want to be more behind the scenes than ever. It made me want to be more reserved than ever before. I meditate to improve my self control but I think just to be extra extra cautious I’ll be even more out of the spot light. I’ve made a fool of myself so many times it’s ridiculous. I shudder at the thought of how I use to carry myself. Though there are benefits to being an excited person the drawbacks is a diminished social life. I use to mouth anything that came to mind with enthusiasm. The people I’d consider my friends at the time began to grow impatient with my low level of reserve. They even began to grow disgusted by it. I need to have a better social life and improving my self control is going to do that. Going forward I’m going to continue to mediate and do the most I can to keep myself out of the center of attention. I just have to accept that if things get out of hand I could be in the same posistion that guy was in. Humiliating myself and not even realizing it in the moment.