Something Needs To Change

Bonfire Night isn't just one night any more, is it? Round here the fireworks started a week last Monday, the night after the clocks went back, and they're far louder than they ever were when I was young.

In this episode I tell you why I have a foot in both camps. I love a good celebration myself, and I'll happily stand and watch a display. But I've lived with the other side of it too, and I share some personal reasons, to do with a dog and my sister's birthday, that explain why I can't come down on one side.

I finish with a small ask of anybody letting fireworks off this week, and a few things you can put in place for yourself if you dread them.

Press play, and have a safe few days.

Find me in my Facebook group, Women Who Are Ready To Rise In Life And Relationships, https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenwhoarereadytoriseinlifeandrelationships or on Substack at https://lizo173.substack.com/

Who decided that was your job? The job of remembering, arranging and sorting everything out for everybody, at home and at work. And when was that decided? Was it ever actually decided at all?

In this episode I look at the jobs that have become ours through habit. You stepped in once, you kept on doing it, and now everybody expects you to carry on. Nobody stops to ask whether the arrangement still works, and most of us don't ask ourselves either.

I talk about being honest about what that job takes from you, how to start the conversation about changing it, and I leave you with one question to journal on. It's a simple one, and it's something we don't often sit and think about.

Press play, grab a pen, and take it one bite at a time.

Come and find me in my Facebook group, Women Who Are Ready To Rise In Life And Relationships: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenwhoarereadytoriseinlifeandrelationships or on Substack: https://lizo173.substack.com/

Do you need a reason to enjoy yourself? When did doing something because you enjoy it stop being a good enough reason?

In this pod shot I'm talking about the things you love doing just for you, whether that's music, a walk in the countryside, making something or seeing a friend, and why they keep slipping behind the jobs you've got to do and everybody else's plans. I've had to do this one myself, because I'm going to college at the moment to do something I love.

I'll ask you to notice what you automatically put first, why a little time still counts, and I'll give you a small task to take into this weekend.

Press play, then leave me a comment to tell me what you chose. Follow so you know when episodes drop, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Join me in Women Who Are Ready to Rise in Life and Relationships: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenwhoarereadytoriseinlifeandrelationships or find me on Substack: https://lizo173.substack.com/

When is the right time, to do something you keep putting off? You keep saying you'll do it when the time is right, but what does that actually look like? When do we know? In this pod shot I ask you to name one thing. A conversation, a new hobby, a decision you've been sitting on. Then we look honestly at what you're waiting for, because some of those reasons are very real, and others have become a way of putting things off in our life. I share the small steps I'd take, one bite at a time, the first question to ask yourself, and the one thing I want you to put in your diary so it never gets left hanging. Press play, name your one thing, and take the first bite with me. Find me at https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenwhoarereadytoriseinlifeandrelationships or https://lizo173.substack.com/

Can you take a compliment? Think about the last time somebody paid you one. Did you say thank you, or did you straight away react? In this pod shot I share a true story from a call on a Thursday morning, when a lovely lady told me I don't look sixty-five. I'll tell you exactly what came out of my mouth, and it wasn't thank you very much. Then we look at why we do that, whether it's about our age, a jumper or something we've done, and what it says about the person who paid the compliment in the first place. There's a feeling that comes up when you're noticed, and it tells you something about the conversation you're having with yourself. I'll leave you with a small task for the next time it happens. It's five minutes. Press play. Come and find me in my Facebook group, Women Who Are Ready to Rise in Life and Relationships: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenwhoarereadytoriseinlifeandrelationships or on Substack: https://lizo173.substack.com/

Did you say yes before you'd even thought about it? We can all do that, and we've all done it. Then you're left wondering why you said yes, when you didn't have the time, or didn't want to do it in the first place.

In this episode of Something Needs To Change I share one idea to try before you say yes again, and we go through it one bite at a time. I'm a Transformation Mentor for Women over 40, and this is something I see again and again in the women I work with: a situation that's been going on for a long time, where they've been choosing other people over themselves without noticing.

I give you one question to ask yourself in the moment someone asks, a few more to help you see what made you say yes, a simple way to give yourself room to choose, and what you can do if you've already agreed. And I leave you with a small task for the week.

Press play, it's only a few minutes, and then have a think about your yeses versus your no’s.

Come and join my Facebook group, Women Who Are Ready to Rise in Life and Relationships: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenwhoarereadytoriseinlifeandrelationships

Hello and welcome to my next episode. And today it's what do you want now? And that now is really important because you can probably tell me what you want less of, but what would you like in its place? Knowing what you'd like less of is a great starting point, but what do you want - now Interesting one. So what would you like less of?, that's easy. It's what most of us can just tell you what you want less of. It's what you want more of or what you want now, which we find harder. What would you like less of? Maybe less running around after everybody, , less arguments about certain things, when you get home and you've got a list of jobs to do instead of resting after a hard day's work , because no one is helping you out around the house. , what is it that you're carrying was it something I just mentioned or do?Always say yes when you actually mean no. What would you like instead? Maybe it's an evening to yourself, a full evening with nobody around, Wouldn't that be bliss with nobody asking you any questions, nobody asking you to do anything for them? Maybe you would actually like to sit down and have that conversation Maybe it's something you've always wanted to try, a new hobby. Maybe that's what you want now. So does the now matter? Well, I think it does, because what usually happens is what I've seen happen is that you have a routine that has been going on a long, long time, maybe for many years. But the thing is that when you started that routine things have changed. For No. 1, you've changed the people around you have changed. The children have grown up. The school run has changed, if there's a school run at all. Maybe the children are old enough to start doing jobs around the house to ease things for you that you're doing automatically and not even thinking about that. So sometimes what we do on a daily basis and we've always done, because we've always done, it needs to have a review.You need to take another look at it. Look honestly at the parts that you're happy with and look at the ones that you would like to change and that you don't want right now in your life. You want something better, maybe some ease in your life and let some others do some jobs for you. As I've already mentioned, you can value your life and still want at least one thing to change and you're entitled to that. Remember, so if someone else is involved in this one thing that you would like now, then you can decide what you're going to say and why you want it and the why is very important, but you can't decide how somebody else is going to respond. So consider what you need to say and ask for what you want now.

Hello and welcome to our next episode of Something Needs to Change. We are actually talking about change today, love it or hate it, change is part of our lives. And in the last podshot we spoke about choices which leads us to the changes. So change can be massive or it can be understated, but it must never be underestimated because change can take us into so many different directions and into so many other situations. But some changes are just small tweaks, so they don't actually change our lives on a bigger level. Changes are made from choices and maybe you're working on something to change because it's not working for you, whatever that is, whether it's changing your role your job, changing the direction of your business, changing the dynamics within the family with you standing up and being counted.Oh, now that is a big one. How would it feel for you to take charge? How would it feel for you to be more consistent and approachable? How would it feel if someone else took the strain, so to speak? And how would it feel if you viewed the changes you want to make differently, and how you could bring them in whilst keeping your family, your role, your job, and your business? Not all change is leaving, it's cutting ties.It's not that sometimes it's staying and changing the narrative and circumstances around that change that you want to make. But most of all, change is stopping. It's stopping something that isn't working for you into something that does. Change can be just a simple of stop reacting and responding. It's very hard to do because we are humans and we react, and before we even know it, that stuff comes flying out of your mouth before you've even processed it. Because somebody's triggered something within you. Now that can bring about a change you weren't even thinking about just in a conversation. But change can be for the better, and the changes that follows turns into something even better.And when I change turns into something even better, the, the new sword, that's wonderful, but sometimes the change that follows isn't exactly what we expected, even when it's something that we may have needed. Sometimes change is a fresh start, [ change is a new perspective, change is a new way of being. So don't underestimate change, whether it's buying that cheaper tin of beans or the more expensive one [...1.0s] is still a change that you've tried thinking about making changes in your direction, in your career, say, through a takeover, that can really bring up some things for us, because we don't even know what's gonna happen. The changes have been taken out of our hands. You don't know until the company taking over actually tells you whether you've got a job, and that can change your thoughts and feelings, and in that short time, you'll be thinking about your choices because they go hand in hand.And even when the company comes through, a lot of the time, you have to re interview for the job that you're doing,] and there's no guarantee you're gonna get it. That's a massive change.So there are fears and uncertainty around change, and that has to be factored in to any choices that you're thinking of making that have a knock on effect, any changes that you want to make, that's worth thinking about before you take any steps. Make sure you've gone through all your choices and gone through each one in turn to what change may or may not happen if you take those choices.So here's a tip for you today. If you choose to accept it, of course, next time you feel you're going to react to what someone is saying, take a pause, then respondand see how much changes the conversation. Also, I'd like you to think about a time when you reacted instead of responding and how that worked out for you or not. So take care. Now think about those changes you want to make carefully, but don't put them off if, you know, in your heart of hearts, they need to be done. Thank you so much for listening, and I'll see you on the next one. Now if you'd like to send me a message via the web, you can actually go to my website which is being repurposed because it's very out of date. But it is w w w dot 4, which is the number four life choices.com. And send me a message through the contact page. Take care now, and have a great day.

Welcome to today's episode on Choices.

Choices come in many shapes and sizes, and some are easier than others. So an easy choice is you go to the shop, your local supermarket, and you buy a tin of beans, but they're not your usual beans. You've decided to buy a lower value tin of beans. Now the thing is that if you take this home and you don't like them, next week can just go back to your normal beans. So this is a choice that is easily rectified. Now some choices are harder., let's, , take your current role, your job, the work you do, or your business and look at some different choices. If you're not happy in any of those things, is it because the people that you're working with, all the people that you're around, or is there just one person in particular? Now this can have a knock on effect to our, our standing within ourselves, our mental health, for want of better words. Because what happens is that when you get to your Sunday night, you get the Sunday night blues waiting for the dreaded Monday morning. Now that's a big choice to make around that whole situation. A simpler one is what you're gonna wear on Monday morning. Do you need some new clothes? Will that make you feel better? Get some power dressing, or are you happy with the clothes that you've got? Again, these are more simple choices. And then there's the harder ones as well where we're making a choice of whether we want to stay in a relationship or not, or whether you want to leave. Now you most probably love your family. There's something not quite right, but maybe you can't even put your finger on what it is, , but what that does.It gives us a choice to look at ourselves and to be honest with ourselves about where we are within that realm. So are you a yes person, somebody at work will always say, oh, it's okay that you will do something because you always do it because you want to help and be helpful. The thing with that is because you're the one that will stay late, you're the one that's always helping, is that when promotions come around, people find it quite difficult to promote you because you won't be there for them in the role that you're in now and they wouldn't be able to call on your help. And you make things easy for them. So what they will do is promote somebody over you that maybe hasn't got your skill set because that is easier for them and they will be able to manage that. So that is a choice that somebody has over us and that in itself gives you another choice. We're surrounded by choices. One thing a choice comes down to is individuality. How you feel about something, what you want in your life, how you want to be, what you want to do, and what you want to have. They are all choices. Now some people say we have free will choice. And I am one of them. I do use that sentence on occasion, but I use it when] I know the person I'm talking to is independent. And I don't mean whether you're in a relationship or not, or whether you're in a job or not.I mean that some people do not have free will choice because they can't just up and leave. They don't have a say in their circumstances. And it's usually because somebody is dominating them. And that's a very, very sad fact of this world that we're living in. So if you find yourself in a situation where you feel dominated and your choices are taken away from you, please, please contact somebody that you trust in whatever shape or form you can make that contact. It is so important.Please make that choice. It may be the only choice that you have, but please contact somebody if you're in this situation. And sometimes we feel we don't have a choice in what we're doing. You can't leave the job because people rely on you at home. You don't have a choice in the relationship because it would cause too much disruption. Your choice to leave a relationship would be too much for you to handle right now. And there are so many of these kind of choices around us. I know some women are unhappy. They love their partners, husbands, wives. They love their kids and their pets, but they are so unhappy. And a lot of the time they can't even put their finger on it. They don't know what it is. And that's what I call the silent situation, which quietly creeps on up and over us and around us over the years. But that again is a choice in itself. A choice is an opportunity for you to look within yourself, and see what's actually going on with your thoughts and feelings and choices without even thinking of making any changes. We tend to think of choices before we even think about what kind of change we're gonna make. So there is a lot of things to think about when you're thinking about choices, and even whether you wanna make a change.So your task today, if you care to accept it, is to look at a choice you would like to make in your life, big or small. Write it down, just a few words about it, and maybe journal some, some more things in a notebook or your diary around this choice, and it will help.Remember, it's one small bite at a time, so take care now, and I trust any choices you make are well thought out and good ones.Thank you for listening, and I'll see you on the next one. But if you'd like to contact me, talk to me about the choices that you're making, then you can find me on Facebook in my group women who are ready to rise in life and relationships with Elizabeth Oakley, or you can DM me. Take care now, and have a great day.

Welcome to Something Needs to Change. And here's our next episode. And today

we're going to talk about clarity. And clarity is so important that half the time we don't

even think about it as clarity. So, what the heck is clarity and why do we need it?

So, we talk about wanting it, but what are we actually looking for? Clarity assists us

to understand and find out what is behind something or in a task we're asked to

perform. Clarity helps us understand rather than guess. I looked in some

dictionaries today.

I have a little red pocket dictionary from school, and it's got Elizabeth written on it, form

five, and there was one word that explained clarity, and it said clearer. So I went into

another diary, uh diary, dictionary and it was my mum's, it was a big one, and that

gave me a few more words.

About clarity. So I thought I'd go to AI. Well, of course, I got a lot more out of the AI

than I ever did a dictionary. And this is the day and age that we're in, aren't we? We can

find clarity in a lot more places now.

and have it given to us in ways that we can understand more. So the thing is that

you can delve so deep into AI that we get information overload. We get too much

information and there's a fine line to be drawn there, isn't there?

About digging and digging and digging and just actually accepting what we're told

or what we read. So there's a difference between that fine line and digging to find out

some clarity. And if we're really digging to find some clarity, it's usually because it's on a

personal nature.

So where are times we have or haven't got clarity? Sometimes We do it

naturally. It's our humanness. It's sometimes we do it naturally. It's our humanness.

It's our brains working that we presume. It's not necessarily clarity. There's a

difference between assumption and clarity. Yeah. And. We tend to fill the gaps

with assumptions.

Okay, and that's a big one. So, in my previous pod shot, we talked about conversation

and a looping conversation and About what's actually been said and what do you

take it to mean? Because that's why it keeps looping. But think about a conversation

you've had today or that conversation that's looping and Sometimes comes from

asking the other person.

Sometimes it's from understanding why something is bothering you. So what I want to

ask you is to just actually look inside today and why does clarity matter? Yeah. It starts with what we can be expected to do or what somebody is explaining to

us.

But the most important thing is clarity is truth. It's truth about how somebody wants

something done or somebody is explaining something, especially if it's a partner or a

family member or a work colleague. So think of a time someone has asked you to do

something for them or they've given you extra explanation about a situation without

making it clear where they've been or what they've been doing.

You see where that clarity comes in. And we don't go round and say, give me

clarity. We just ask for an explanation. But sometimes you actually have to say to

somebody, no, be clearer. I want the clarity behind that decision or that situation.

So when that's happened to you, did you know where to start to ask that

question? Did you feel awkward asking? Did you do what thought they wanted.

Because you assumed that you knew. And then when you did something, it was

completely wrong. It wasn't what they wanted at all. Or was there an explanation

of a clarity situation? No. Was their explanation of a situation fully transparent with

clarity?

When you've had personal conversation. So we talked about there about starting. Did

you know where to start? And did you feel awkward asking? Yeah. And doing something

that you thought somebody wanted you to do, but it was wrong. Or you've had a

conversation and you feel that. There wasn't full transparency there on the

clarity of the full situation. So let's turn it back on us. Yeah, so we can assume

that other people know what we mean.

What feels obvious to us is not obvious to other people. It's obvious to us because it's

within us and we know exactly what we want and how we want it. But have we made

ourselves clear or is it a guess? But sometimes people deliberately leave

clarity out of a situation or a conversation.

Your task, if you choose to accept it, when you ask someone do something. pause.

Be clear about what you need and when you need it. Explain the how Otherwise,

leave it to do it their own way. This isn't about micromanaging people or

situations.

It's about giving someone enough information to understand your request. Now, whether

that's you're asking somebody to do something at work or whether you're asking on a

personal situation. or conversation and if you're the one that's left guessing ask

again especially if it's about a personal situation don't let that conversation loop

because if that conversation is looping you haven't got the clarity of what you needed and

what you are asking for.

So if this has brought one particular situation or conversation to you now as we've

been chatting, maybe you'd like talk through it. So send me a message and let's

have a chat. Let's get clear on what you're trying to find. So thank you for listening.

I'm looking forward to our next chat in the next episode. So this is Liz signing off

from Something Needs to Change. And don't forget if a conversation is still looping,

you haven't received the clarity that you needed. Take care now.