Sometimes the Healing Feels Just as Hard as the Hurt

There’s a space I’m in lately - and maybe you’ve been here too - where healing finally shows up… and somehow, it’s what undoes you.

I’ve stepped into something good recently. A new situation surrounded by kind people. A life that could feel safe, possibly even stable. The kind of environment I used to dream about when everything felt like survival. And yet… I am unraveling.

The part of me that was built to survive, not thrive, is fighting it. And fighting it hard.

I catch myself bracing for impact when there is none. Chewing my nails like something bad is around the corner. Feeling shame about things I didn’t cause. Feeling like I have to shrink or polish myself to fit. Even doubting that I deserve any of this.

It’s confusing - to be invited into peace and still want to run.

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