VC Sorry-2022-05-26.mp3

---------------------------------------------------TRANSCRIPT---------------------------------------

[00:00:15] Come on and take a seat. I will hurt you.

[00:00:21] Hey, everybody, welcome to this episode of The Virtual Couch. I'm your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist. And let's let's get right to it. I am going to talk today about rejection. How often do you feel rejection and have you ever had that sense where you are going into a conversation with somebody, particularly somebody that you care for and you almost have this anticipatory rejection. So we're going to talk about something called rejection sensitive dysphoria. And boy, today is going to be a day of tangents, I can already tell you that, because this this has been a topic that I've wanted to talk about for quite a while. And there is a new book out called ADHD 2.0 that I it's one of the first books I think I have listened to, finished it and gone back and started again because I typically just I don't like watching movies the second time or shows the second time or reading books the second time this one spoke to me. I mean, this this just it validates my own experience with ADHD and the authors, Edward Hallowell and John, I think it's right or ratty both doctors. I think they said this is their seventh book that they've written about ADHD. And their book Driven to Distraction was one that I talked often about when I first did two or three parts on my own ADHD, Awakening or awareness back in the episodes around 150 or somewhere around there.

[00:01:39] And the more that I think that that I talk about it, the more feedback that I get from other people that, you know, it's that concept where I think sometimes we're almost embarrassed that we may, heaven forbid, we have something different. I was going to say wrong about us, but a way that we show up or present that might be something like ADHD or depression, anxiety, that sort of thing. And we feel like we have to hide that. And the more that we talk about it and get that out into the zeitgeist or conversation with people, you start to find out that we all have some things that that we have challenges with and there is some comfort numbers or there's validation and hearing that other people struggle with similar things to. And so in reading ADHD 2.0, which I want to, I'll just do a deep dove on the book in general at some point. But there the authors list these they call them paradoxical traits of ADHD. And that section alone is just fascinating because you think of ADHD is this thing of deficit or hyperactivity, but they talk about that. The paradox of of ADHD is that know I'm going to read that right here. They talk about how you can have an unexplained underachievement. The person simply isn't doing as well as they they their innate talent or their brainpower warrant. And there isn't an obvious explanation. So they talk about paradoxical tendencies.

[00:03:00] And I think that they I love where they lay out this concept early on. They say it helps to think of ADHD as a complex set of contradictory or paradoxical tendencies, a lack of focus combined with an ability to super focus, a lack of direction combined with highly directed entrepreneurial ism, a tendency to procrastinate combined with a knack for getting a week's worth of work done in 2 hours. Impulsive, wrongheaded decision making combined with intuitive out of the blue problem solving interpersonal cluelessness combined with an uncanny intuition and deep empathy. And he said, The list goes on. And so then they go through more of the, the formal signs of ADHD that they talk about. You might see in a clinical setting, unexplained underachievement, a wandering mind and trouble organizing and planning. So far I'm checking all these boxes, but also a high degree of creativity and imagination. Trouble with time management tend to tendency to procrastinate strong will stubbornness,