When you think about finding your soul mate, always ask yourself this question: "Who do you want to be when you meet the love of your life?" This approach to passion takes care of many of your needs, beyond just the sexual and romantic. This is the compass of self love that will set you on a course for a great life, no matter who you are and whether you ever choose to partner permanently.

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INTRO

Hey, thanks for listening to the Shift Your Spirits podcast.

I’m your host Slade Roberson.

For eleven years, I’ve been a professional intuitive and the author of the blog Shift Your Spirits, where I try to write about spirituality with fewer hearts and flowers than most New Age blather.

I also mentor emerging intuitives, psychics, and healers in a program called Automatic Intuition.

One of my Patreon supporters requested an episode with my views about soul mates and twin flames.

I asked her "Are you sure you want to hear what I really believe about these topics? Because I may not say the things most people want to hear… I have a pretty no-bullshit opinion when it comes to this subject.”

She said that’s what she was hoping for and to bring it on.

Listeners who support the show on Patreon can access bonus Q&A episodes, where you guys send in questions, I record answers to them, and they go out to patrons of the show exclusively.

But since I feel like this topic is a popular one, I’m going to put it out to the whole podcast audience, instead of doing it as an exclusive this time.

There is also a level of support that includes a free download of the guided meditation “Messages from your Spirit Guides."

So, if you want to find out how you can become a patron, and access the extra audio content, please go to patreon.com/shiftyourspirits

Bear with me.

This could be a random, non-linear conversation. I pulled up a lot of the material I’ve written about soul mates over the past twelve years. I’ve skimmed over it. It’s safe to say, my observations have not changed much. My opinions have deepened.

But I’m asking you to bear with me as I talk about it, because it could move in circles. Spirals, even.

My intention is that if I free-flow through this subject, as if I’m collecting little bits of wisdom and pointing them out to you, one or more of them will resonate with you and whatever questions you may have about your own life in terms of partnerships, karmic connections, soul mates.

There are a lot of messages for a lot of different people waiting to come through me.

So, I’m just going to dive in and swim around, and see what I can bring to the surface, okay?

If you’re still seeking, I will say this:

The more you grow into the person you’re truly meant to be, and you know yourself and have greater access to your wisdom… Unfortunately, it seems cruel, but your pool of potential mates gets smaller, not larger.

When you were in your teens, every potential person you caught in your net was a Young Adult trilogy just waiting to be written.

When you’re older and wiser, you start throwing back all the little fish without wasting much time and energy. You throw back some big fish, too.

And you’re okay with it.

Because you know yourself and what you truly require out of a partner.

Some of the big red flags I’ve noted for those who are seeking:

If you’re trying to find a partner, that’s problematic.

If you think you’ve found them, but you're working to make them love you. That’s a huge red flag.

If you’re calling more than one friend and/or psychic to help you decide if this one is the One, chances are … it isn’t.

No bellows required, here. You should not find yourself over there fanning the flames, trying to keep the spark going… That’s not how this should work.

Listen, the beginning should be fairly easy, and fun, and lot of mutual chemistry and excitement… If you’re working just to get in the relationship in the early stages.

You’re in danger, girl.

That’s some of the What Not to Do. Here’s a couple of things you definitely should do:

Say yes to things. People, events, invitations. Things that don’t, on the face of it, have anything to do with dating. Meeting potential partners through other friends is healthy. It makes sense for a lot of reasons.

And always ask yourself this — number one question:

Who do you want to be when you meet the love of your life?

In other words, orient your life around other kinds of passions. This approach takes care of many of your needs, not just the sexual or romantic.

This is the compass and self love and true passion that will set you on a course for a great life, no matter who you are and whether you ever choose to partner permanently for life.

I’ll dip back into all of this more during this episode.

SEGMENT

You might not know it, just from reading the articles on Shift Your Spirits, but Relationships are the #2 Most Requested type of Reading I perform. Although I can only directly tune in to the person who gives me access and permission, I am a big believer in the unique wisdom offered through astrological composite charts. This is where the natal information of two people is cast together as a chart of the synergistic relationship, as if the relationship itself is literally a living entity with its own personality and spiritual qualities. (I offer interpretations of these composite charts as a "bonus" to consultations for those with relationship questions, assuming you can supply the necessary birth information for both parties.)

Here are some of my “truths” about soul mates and relationships. These are some general chunks of wisdom I’ve observed during relationship readings and couples sessions, and truths I’ve learned the hard way — through my own personal experiences.

Relationships are the mirrors by which we experience ourselves. You are always having a relationship with some part of yourself, reflected and externalized by your partner.

There are differences between soul mates and twin flames. In the Western Hollywood vocabulary, soul mate is often intended to refer to a specific type of soul-contracted relationship that is synonymous with a twin flame — the idea that each person has one and only one perfect potential romantic partner. While I wouldn't say that there's no such thing as a twin flame, I would venture that it is a rare phenomena and not one which everyone is destined to experience in this lifetime. I also believe that we have many potential soul mates with whom we can create a variety of successful partnerships, including marriage.

Here’s what most people think they’re describing:

Of all the souls in all the galaxies there's just one and he happened to be born in the same era of time, same part of the globe, same culture, same language ... he even went to the same school and works out at the same gym.

Those are some incredible odds. That's a tiny pool of possibilities. And a ton of pressure. Nobody's finding love under those circumstances.

And you know something I’ve noticed:

The only people who use the term "twin flame” and mean it — like, it’s not just a cool idea they daydream about, but they’re ready to set themselves on fire over it — they are usually in a crazy-ass triggered state.

That’s just my opinion. I’m sure I’m crushing somebody with that statement. You don’t have to agree with me. But I feel a lot of people resonating with that, and if you’re one of them, Yes. Keep the twin flame terminology in the Amazon page description of your paranormal romance series. Read all the delicious fiction you want to read about twin flames. But probably don’t base any important life decision on the concept.

We all have many potential soul mates with whom our partnerships defy categorization, type, or role — members of our spirit family, those with whom we walk together. Not all soul mates are required to exist within romantic, sexual, and/or marriage templates in order to be spiritually fulfilling. It's quite challenging to create a relationship with someone when the connection is greater than any known social construct, especially in the beginning. The power of the initial spark may be hard to compartmentalize without assuming it is meant to be romantic.

Spiritually important relationships are learning experiences even when they don't end up in bliss. Soul-contracted (in which you have chosen prior to this lifetime to know one another for the purpose of delivering [shared] lessons) or karmic relationships (in which we work out unfinished business or repay energetic debts) - these may often be painful or difficult, even while still being very spiritually significant.

Sometimes it's not about you — it may feel like you're playing the Lead, but sometimes you are a Supporting Actor, playing the role of messenger or teacher for your partner.

Projection and Transference are tricky forms of love. If you're a light worker, with a life purpose and/or a professional career that involves heart-centered healing, be aware that there is a big difference between clients/patients and friends/lovers. Anyone who appears to be both will probably belong to the client/patient category.

While “saving someone" may be motivated by a truly loving intention, it can be a disastrous foundation for a marriage.

The pattern in your relationships is carried by you, not by your partners. Mary has a disastrous relationship with John. Mary has another disastrous relationship with Bob. Mary has a so-so relationship with Michael. Mary says that all these men have the same issues. While that may be true, who’s the obvious common denominator in all these pairings?

That’s right, Mary, we’re looking at you, girl.

If you’ve got a pattern, you’re the pattern.

Human beings are not ideas. Be careful that you're not having (desiring to have) a relationship with an idea. If you prioritize a Role over an individual person, you will be disappointed by anyone's inability to become that Idea.

Being alone is always better than being with the wrong person.

If you're not complete, no one else can complete you.

The ideal relationship is not 50-50 — in the highest numerical quantification, you bring 100% and your partner brings 100%. 50-50, 60-40, 70-30... These recipes are expressions of (and probably formulas for) co-dependence.

Sharing your life with someone who also has a life of his/her own can be the icing on the cake. But icing with no cake is a plate full of frosting, which is probably way less appealing (and ultimately less nourishing) than it sounds.

Having a relationship is never a good substitute for having a life.

A relationship is a unique entity co-created by the participants. It is not ultimately comparable to any other partnership.

You always attract the relationship with the lesson you are meant to learn at this time. You can't really fail at a relationship if you maintain the philosophical position that allows you to perceive it as a learning experience.

Lowering your vibration, playing small, or dumbing down to your partner's level in order to make the relationship "work" is unsustainable.

Don't bank on conditional future beneficial changes in your partner. "She'll be perfect for me once she..." "He'd be perfect for me if he'd just learn to..." This is like playing the Change Lottery. Evaluate the relationship based on what you know to be currently true. What if he never changes in the way you hope?

The balance of energetic currency in a relationship does not have to take the same form to be reciprocated. An excellent massage may be reciprocated by a gourmet meal. An expensive gift may be reciprocated by priceless emotional support.

There IS such a thing as a successful, temporary, transient relationship. Important or significant do not necessarily equal forever.

If you doubt that he's your soul mate, you're probably right — he's not.

Listen carefully when someone tells you she's not good enough for you — this is truth straight from the source.

When people tell you they "don't want to hurt you" or "don't want someone to get hurt," it usually means they're preparing for that likelihood. This is a big clue to their expectations, if not their intentions.

If you want to be in relationship with a woman or a man who's into yoga (fitness, hiking, books, pets, spirituality... insert your interests here) don't look for him/her in a bar. You may get lucky, but the odds are stacked against you. Statistically — logically — most people in bars are into one thing for sure — drinking. Go to a more obvious, relevant source environment.

511 — Too Much Information. Confession, Authenticity, and Honesty are not necessarily the same things. Don't talk about your exes or introduce your history of relationship nightmares as a topic of conversation during your first few dates. Why do people continually make this mistake? If you want to open up, open up about a bright future, not your neurotic past. (Not yet, anyway... Save your Dark Secrets for someone who can receive them in the proper time and context.)

Be clear about your intentions and careful what you wish for — your ability to manifest is very powerful, for good or bad. If you choose to manifest a relationship where money/financial security is prioritized over other qualities like mutual love/respect, please don't be shocked when you find yourself in a loveless marriage with a rich dude who treats you like a trophy.

Your ability to receive (deserve) Abundance affects not only your relationships with people but also your relationship with other forms of wealth such as money.

The Good News is that the person you want to become, the life you ultimately want to create for yourself, and the partner you want to attract, with whom you can share your highest self and your best life, can be achieved as one goal. This power, this happiness, this flow — it's a package deal.

You are most likely to fall in love with someone else when you fall in love with you — with your world. You are most likely to meet a partner who shares your values in an environment where like-mi