Speak the Truth in Love

David W Palmer

(Ephesians 4:15–16 NKJV) “But, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head; Christ. From whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.”

The Holy Spirit has encapsulated a very vital kingdom concept here into a simple phrase: “Speaking the truth in love.” Speaking the truth in love is central to God’s whole kingdom and to living the Jesus-life here on earth. After all, speaking the truth without love may be factual; but it is not Jesus. In reality, even the truth—if spoken without love—could be destructive gossip, hurtful to others, unheeded by those who most need it, or used merely for argument-winning or “one-upmanship.” 

On the other hand, speaking in love without the truth may convey sympathy, win temporary goodwill, help build an external reputation, and be [pseudo] comforting; but it isn’t Jesus either. Only when we speak as Jesus would, or in fact, as the Holy Spirit leads us is it actually the truth spoken in love.

For example, for marriage the Holy Spirit gives us God’s plan:

(Ephesians 5:33 NLT) “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

This formula for a blessed marriage is quite uncomplicated: love by a husband, and respect for him by his wife. It seems to go without saying that the wife will love her husband when he loves her; but she may not respect him. So this is what the Holy Spirit is compelled to instruct her to do; and of course, this is fully achievable through God’s amazing grace and his Holy Spirit abiding within. On the other hand, the Holy Spirit commands a husband to “love his wife.” If God has to command him to do this, and if it is only achievable by the consequent conviction, faith in his word, and the power of his resident Holy Spirit; then it must not be natural for husbands to love their wives fully in the way God hopes they will.

If the whole of a man’s behavior to his wife is to be summarized and characterized by love, then this must include what he says to her and the way he says it. Husbands, God is instructing you to never even speak to your wife unless it is spoken in love. This is the only way she can accept it—no matter how true and accurate your words may be. If you do this, then you will be like Jesus—representing him to her. This, then, will fulfill your part of:

(Ephesians 5:22 NKJV) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

(Colossians 3:18 NKJV) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

God’s type of submission from a wife simply cannot and should not ever be lovelessly commanded by her husband. She is only responsible for it in the way it is written here: “as to the Lord”; “as is fitting in the Lord.” The husband’s mindset should be: “Only as I speak to my wife and lead her as Jesus’s true representative and mouthpiece—that is speaking the truth in love—should I expect her to submit.”

After all, as followers of the Lord Jesus, both marriage partners have covenanted with him that he is their [only] Lord. The true objective of all directives, leadership, and commands, therefore, is that it leads to both of you fulfilling your personal commitment to confessing and following Jesus as your Lord. So, what the husband expects his wife to submit to should only be something he is sure comes from the Lord or is that with which the Lord agrees.

Note: The Greek word from which “Lord” comes, means: supreme in authority, that is, (as noun) controller, and owner:

(Hebrews 5:9 NKJV) And having been perfected, He became the author of eternal salvation to all who obey Him.

(1 Corinthians 7:23 NKJV) You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men.

We also note that in Eph. 5:33 (above), that God commands a wife to “respect her husband.” A very good ex