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What does it really mean when recovery programs describe addiction as a "spiritual malady"? In this deeply personal episode, I share my journey from nihilistic atheism to spiritual awakening—a transformation that ultimately saved my life.

As a teenager, I rejected religion as fairy tales and embraced the belief that humans were merely a "happy accident of chaos." This worldview conveniently supported my addiction, allowing me to justify selfish behaviors and remain oblivious to how I hurt those around me. I believed love was my right, not something I needed to earn through honesty and respect.

The turning point came after everyone had walked away. Sitting alone in a hotel room, using intravenously and headed toward death, I finally felt the full weight of my isolation. It was only through what I now recognize as spiritual interventions—inexplicable moments where I made choices completely contrary to my conscious intentions—that I began moving toward recovery.

Buddhism offered me a spiritual framework that made sense when Christianity couldn't. I connected with concepts of energy, karma, and the understanding that true happiness comes through selflessness rather than chasing desires. Today, my spirituality manifests as an internal compass that creates physical discomfort when I'm about to make a selfish choice.

The most remarkable evidence of my transformation is that I've completely lost the desire to use drugs. My recovery isn't maintained through constant struggle against cravings but through becoming someone different—someone who values authentic connection above temporary escape. I now find profound joy in acts of kindness toward others rather than in substances.

If you're struggling with addiction or supporting someone who is, I hope my story offers a different perspective on recovery. The journey isn't just about stopping a behavior—it's about spiritual awakening that changes who you are at your core. Subscribe to hear more stories and insights from my ongoing recovery journey.

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