What happens when you're a daily meditator and still choose petty revenge? After a brutal morning of delivery work and a no-tip pizza order to a 4th-floor apartment, I left the food outside—fully aware I was being petty, watching myself make the choice, unable to stop it. This episode explores the uncomfortable truth about spiritual practice: you don't become perfect, you just become aware of your imperfection.

I share the raw moment of choosing anger over maturity, the internal battle between Buddhist noting techniques and actual rage, and what Ram Dass meant when he said "falling off the path IS the path." We dive into holding doubt, despair, and anger in awareness without trying to fix yourself—because you can't lift yourself up by your own bootstraps.

Drawing from Buddhism, Taoism, and Lao Tzu's wisdom about waiting until the mud settles, this episode is for anyone who's ever questioned whether their practice is "working" or felt like a spiritual failure. Sometimes the stumbles aren't detours—they're the actual path.

Topics explored: mindfulness practice, spiritual imperfection, anger management through awareness, doubt as discriminating wisdom, trusting the Tao, gradual transformation, self-compassion, Buddhist noting technique, spiritual bypassing vs. real practice

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Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

Do you ever wake up feeling good, then suddenly remember all your financial stress and it drags you down? That's where I'm at.

In this episode, I'm trying something new: the "open threads" recording method. No outline, no script—just hitting record and following where my mind goes when I'm stressed about money, work, and negative self-talk.

I've been meditating daily for 3+ years, and here's the truth: meditation helps, but it doesn't make the financial anxiety go away. It's still there, like a gray filter over life. My mind keeps telling me things won't get better, that I should borrow money this month, that everyone else has it figured out except me.

This episode wanders through:
- The intrusive thoughts that meditation helps me observe (a thought moment involving a DoorDash robot )
- The judgment voices that argue about eating ice cream while I'm eating ice cream
- Why I'm still in gig work 8 years after a soul-crushing call center job
- Working 50+ hours a week while job hunting with no results
- The shame of borrowing money from friends and family
- Trying to make delivery work fun by pretending I'm in Death Stranding
- A guided meditation on experiencing your hand and thinking of someone you love
- Practical meditation instructions for when thoughts hijack you

If you're struggling financially, working too much, and your mind won't shut up about it—this one's for you. It's messy, it's real, and it's exactly what trying to let go actually looks like.

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Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

30 episodes in 7 months. I can't believe I pulled it off.

In this episode, I reflect on what surprised me, what I've learned, and why I'm stepping back from weekly Thursday releases (for now). I also share a Zen story about a samurai and a monk—"the gates of heaven and hell"—that's been sticking with me, especially after recording Episode 30 with my dad.

Afterparty bonus starts at 12:43: me and my dad about two hours into recording Episode 30… completely off the rails. Fake tire commercials, bad impressions, childhood sledding injuries—and a few unexpectedly real moments in between.

If you haven't heard Episode 30 yet, go back and listen: "The Anger I Inherited." It's one of the most meaningful conversations I've ever recorded.

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Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

My dad, Grant Buehler, joins me for his first podcast appearance to talk honestly about the anger he inherited, the moments it nearly destroyed him, and what finally began to change.

We talk about growing up with a father shaped by World War II trauma, the patterns that get passed down in families, and a deathbed reconciliation that shifted everything. Grant also shares his own battles with rage—from a near-fatal car accident in college, to a road rage incident on the way to church, to the fight that landed him in jail and became a turning point in his life.

This is a conversation about generational trauma, forgiveness, faith, and the slow work of healing. Grant closes by reading Psalm 37—a passage about releasing anger and trusting in something bigger than ourselves.

Content note: frank discussion of violence and alcohol abuse. 

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Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

I've been meditating daily for 3 years. I'm still broke, still grinding 60+ hours a week doing deliveries, still struggling financially. So... does meditation actually work?

In this episode, I answer questions I've never seen before about spiritual materialism, whether meditation "fixes" your external life, how to reconcile spiritual surrender with survival responsibilities, and why I'm really doing this podcast.

Topics include:
- Why "raising your vibration" is spiritual materialism
- Has 3 years of meditation changed my external life?
- How to practice when you're grinding to survive
- The gap between spiritual ideals and real-world responsibility
- Is Standing Nowhere a spiritual practice or just a project?

Referenced: Ram Dass, Chogyam Trungpa, Third Patriarch of Zen, Alan Watts

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📌 EPISODE 11 MENTIONED:
"Why I Flipped Off a Driver 45 Minutes After Meditating (And What Anger Actually Is)"

Standing Nowhere explores contemplative spirituality through real-life experience, authentic struggle, and honest conversation. No bypassing. No pretense. Just presence.

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Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

What does "resolution" actually mean at its root? Not forcing—loosening. In the final episode of 2025, I reflect on a year of struggle, growth, and showing up anyway. Honest thoughts on time constraints, mental health, sobriety, and trusting when you can't see the path forward. With wisdom from Lao Tzu, Meister Eckhart, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Rilke.

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Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

What does compassion look like in action?

In this Christmas Day special, I share two powerful true stories that changed how I think about seeing people differently.

The first is "A Soft Answer" by Terry Dobson—an American aikido student in 1960s Japan who learns what his martial art really means when an elderly man transforms a violent encounter on a Tokyo train with nothing but kind words and curiosity.

The second is a story from 1952 about a father who can't drive past a family standing in the rain on Christmas morning—and makes a split-second decision that teaches his children the true joy of making others happy.

Both stories ask the same question: Can we see the humanity in people when they appear to be resisting our help? Can we turn around when we see suffering?

I also share how The Chronicles of Narnia became my gateway into reading as a contemplative practice, and why powerful stories have the ability to transform us.

A shorter episode for Christmas Day. Thank you for listening, and happy holidays to you and yours.

Episode Length: ~20 minutes
Stories Featured: "A Soft Answer" by Terry Dobson | 1952 Christmas Story from the National Story Project

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Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

At 19, I climbed Reaper Mountain in Marine Corps boot camp with hairline fractures in both feet. At 42, I'm trying to get back in shape after three years of failure. This episode is about what it means to keep showing up when you know you might fail.

I tell three stories about broken feet:

Story 1: The Crucible, 2003. Sleep-deprived, starving, both metatarsal bones fractured. Looking up at an impossibly steep mountain. A drill instructor offering me an out: "Get in the truck." My choice, and what happened next.

Story 2: Three years ago, I felt invincible from meditation and committed to "90 Days of Perfect Discipline for God." I failed within weeks. The shame crushed me. I've been carrying that weight ever since.

Story 3: Now. I'm trying again. Not because I'm confident this time, but because showing up when you're broken is the only practice that matters.

Along the way, we explore:
- Why darkness has to have its day (and what happens when you stop resisting)
- Lao Tzu's teaching that your enemy is the shadow you cast
- What Neo's surrender to Agent Smith reveals about unwinnable battles
- King Théoden's transformation from "How did it come to this?" to "Ride to ruin!"
- Sam Gamgee's words about why we keep going when everything seems lost

This isn't toxic positivity. It's the gritty realism of continuing anyway.

Featuring wisdom from: Isaiah 45:7, Tao Te Ching (Lao Tzu), Shunryu Suzuki, The Matrix, The Lord of the Rings, and Foxy Shazam's "Oh Lord."

For anyone who's failed and is trying again: this one's for you.

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Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

What does it actually look like to stay present when you're driving 10–12 hours a day, feeling lonely in your car, grieving lost friends, and still trying to create?

For this milestone episode, I tried something different—I asked Claude to generate 6 spontaneous topics about my life that I'd never seen before, then hit record and responded from the heart with zero preparation.

What emerged was a raw conversation about staying mindful through exhausting work, creative expression as survival, what loss teaches us about impermanence, the difference between loneliness and aloneness, gaming as a spiritual practice, and what I'd tell my 25-year-old self about cherishing time with the people I love.

No outline. No safety net. Just coming back to presence, over and over again.

In this episode:

• Staying mindful while driving long hours in the gig economy
• Why creative expression matters even when no one's listening
• What losing friends to death and distance taught me about impermanence
• The difference between being alone and being lonely
• Can gaming be a spiritual practice? Bringing mindfulness to Overwatch
• What I'd tell my 25-year-old self about being present with my kids

Mentioned in this episode:
My Green Day covers from 18 years ago as a newly divorced single dad:
https://www.youtube.com/sephiros888

Want to be a guest or share your story?
Email: [email protected]

If this episode resonated with you, a 5-star review and a comment go a long way in helping the show reach more people who might need to hear it.

Come back. Keep coming back. That's all it is.

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Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.

This week, I couldn't lock in a guest—and honestly, I've been struggling to lock in much of anything lately. Backsliding on habits, drowning in self-blame, stuck in the gap between where I am and where I want to be.

Then, while decorating the Christmas tree, I realized I'd completely forgotten one of my son's ornaments. The one he made at five years old. The one with his tiny handprint pressed into paint. He's 19 now. He's moved out. That time is gone.

In this solo episode, I explore:

• The cruel irony of finally waking up to what matters while everyone around you is on screens
• Why holiday traditions are more than corporate capitalism—they're markers that say "this matters, these people matter"
• How Leonard Cohen's "Anthem" taught me to forget my perfect offering and ring the bells that still can ring
• What it means to practice gratitude not as toxic positivity, but as returning—again and again—to what's real
• How to hold creative work (like this podcast) with mindfulness instead of getting lost in numbers and ego

I share what I'm genuinely grateful for: my wife's patience through financial hardship, my kids' loving hearts, the four guests who've trusted me with their stories, the miracles hiding in plain sight (like a full rainbow on a delivery day).

This isn't about maintaining gratitude in adversity. It's about returning to it. Coming back. That's the practice.

Featuring readings from Leonard Cohen's "Anthem," 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, and closing with Thich Nhat Hanh's reminder that the real miracle isn't walking on water—it's walking on earth.

If you're in the gap too, I'd love to hear from you.

—

📬 Share your story: Leave a comment or review—I read every one

🎙️ Previous guests: My mom on forgiveness, Kate on surviving abuse, Rafi on loss and art, my brother on gentle spirits in a harsh world

🙏 Gratitude: Thank you for walking on this earth with me

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Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.