“Before you pay for your sins, you’ll watch this!”

There’s no escape from Starcrash as the distinguished professors go back for one more helping of sci-fi insanity, subjecting themselves to Starcrash 2, the completely unauthorized Italian knock-off sequel that, appropriate to type, has absolutely nothing to do with Starcrash except for ripping off some of its space footage in true Battle Beyond the Stars-style. Topics include the tradition of the Italian sequel, the lack of motivation of immortal characters, a comparison with Hercules movies, yet another Italian movie theme song about the magic of being touched, speculation that the heroes might be Acton’s species, weird Biblical references, the multiple attempts by the residents of Earth to murder the heroes, a review of ridiculous space-babble dialogue, comparisons with classic Star Trek, other unaddressed deep questions this movie doesn’t answer, comparison with failed 80s musical The Apple, compulsory heterosexuality, and our reflections back on Season 1.