Welcome, fellow explorer.

If you found your way here, ‘something’ must have brought you. Maybe you saw one of my videos. Maybe a friend who said you should read this. Or maybe it was a discussion you and I had inspired me to forward a link. Or maybe you saw a Substack Note somewhere while you were scrolling down the Substack rabbit hole at 11pm and this piqued your curiosity. Whatever the path, I’m glad you’re here.

Let me tell you what this is, because I think you’ll know quickly whether it’s for you.

Contemplative Currents is a weekly newsletter for people who have, somewhere along the way, been seekers. People who’ve read all the books: the Richard Rohrs, the Eckhart Tolles, the Thomas Mertons, the Byron Katies, the Kabir Helminskis. People who have explored the Christian mystic paths, Advaita Vedanta, Zen and other nondual paths. People who have meditated, prayed, journaled, fasted, sat in silence, went on meditation retreats, sat in groups. People who have done the work.

And still, somehow, feel like something is missing. Well, not necessarily in a desperate way. But you’ve felt that sense that what the books, the videos and what the teachers were pointing at is closer than the books and the teachers made it sound. That maybe the actual thing has been hiding in plain sight all along. That maybe you’ve walked past it a thousand times this week. Or maybe you’re that person who has had that glimpse! That big wide open glimpse(you know what I mean?) and then boom! It disappeared.

If that resonates, you might be in the right place.

Friend, here’s what I’m doing here!

I’m not a guru. I don’t have it figured out. I don’t even believe there’s anything to figure out. But that’s another topic for another day! I’m not enlightened. I don’t even know what that means. I have a roommate dog named Milo, a watercolor practice, a writing life, a day job coaching software teams, and a small group of friends who gather to sit in silence on Thursdays. I read Jean Klein or Ramana Maharshi and don’t always understand him. I watch some of Angelo Dilullo’s videos and have floating question marks above my head. From time to time, I sit with grief that doesn’t always lift. Other times, I notice a cardinal in my backyard and feel the biggest opening. I get a $3,000 car repair bill and feel something close. You see, that opening and closing is what I have then discovered is the function of a slow blue-flame burning joy that’s always present. In fact, I wrote an essay called Overjoyed to express that.

Yikes! That opening and closing, that there is the work! Looking, together, at what’s actually happening — and noticing what was already here that we kept missing.

I write because I have found joy. It was hiding somewhere beneath all my drama. And so I express some of it here. I write because sometimes it helps clarify the seeing. And I publish because, somewhere along the way, I figured out that my seeing helps you see, and your seeing helps me see, and the looking is shared whether we sit in the same room or not.

So that’s the offer. We’re going to look together. I’ll bring my week. You bring yours. Some weeks the looking will land with both feet on the floor. Some weeks it’ll be a small turn that you almost miss. Some weeks I’ll just point at something simple, like a single line …and we’ll sit with it.

For all of these, I have no curriculum, no path to graduation, no level to reach. Just the simple looking that’s always looking, and the slow recognition that what we’ve been searching for has been right here, PRESENT, the whole time. As I type this, I feel the overwhleming bubble of joy emanating from the recognition of this grace…this grace that stands so close to us that we miss it. We miss it because we focus so much on the ‘story of our lives’ that we don’t explore the Life itself that stands so obviously as the orchestrator of what even perceives the said “stories of our lives”.

So a few practical things, since you’re probably new here.

* I send two notes a week. A longer piece on Sundays, I call it the Long Walk. A shorter one on Wednesdays, sometimes a contemplation to try, sometimes just a single pointing.

* Once a month, on the first Sunday, I write what I call a Letter to the One Still Looking. This will be a piece that sits with one of the questions I keep getting asked, or that I keep asking myself. You know those questions? Like What do you do when meditation feels fake and copped out? What happens when grief makes God feel absent? How do you tell the difference between presence and dissociation? What if this searching is just nonsense? Are you in a Oneness cult? What can I really do to wake up? Are you enlightened? What is enlightenment? The kinds of questions you don’t see addressed honestly very often. Or when they are even addressed, they are made of abstract nonsensical jargon. See, I’ve been there!

* And once a month, I open a thread with just one question. It’s also a place for readers to reply to each other. I refer to us as Explorers. Not students, not seekers. Explorers. Here’s why? We start as seekers, we find(because when you seek you find), then you realize nothing was missing. The mistaken journey to God ends. And a journey in God begins. In that endless journey, you find it has always been about exploration. It’s the looking together at what’s already here, what’s already true.

If you reply to anything I write, I read it. I write back when I can. I’m a real person(not AI) on the other end of these notes, and you’re a real person on the other end of mine. That matters to me. And in some way, you and I share of this unexplainable Essence.

If this resonates, you can subscribe at the top of this page or the bottom. It’s free. It will stay free. Yes, it will always be free. You may see a paid tier. That is just an option to support this writing channel(and for those who will receive a free copy of my upcoming book, Beyond Silence). All content here will be remain free.

If it all doesn’t resonate, that’s okay too. Maybe the thing you’re looking for is somewhere else and I hope you find it(we always do).

But if there’s a small turn happening as you read, if some part of you is leaning forward, then sit a minute. Read one or two more pieces. See if the looking matches what you’ve been almost-noticing all along.

The work is already happening. We’re just learning to see what’s already here.

Welcome.

Three places to begin if you’d like:

* A Lived Doorway essay— for a feel of the texture

* A Wrestle essay— for a feel of the depth

* A Practice piece— for something to try this week

Contemplative Currents is a free (bi-weekly) newsletter that aims to shed light into our daily experiences as opportunities for contemplation of this glorious Mystery. If you’d like to support my work, please consider subscribing and/or sharing this free Substack. If you’re looking to monetarily support, buying my book, This Glorious Dance: Thoughts & Contemplations About Who We Are, is enough. I’m grateful for your support in whatever capacity.

Thanks for reading Contemplative Currents! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

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