“It was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice.” - Jospeph Conrad, Heart of Darkness. 

As my income grows to the point where I no longer have to worry about financial ruin, I encounter an altogether darker and more existential challenge. 

When survival is your only goal, it's easy to orient yourself and find motivation. When survival becomes easy, finding meaning becomes hard.  

Having cleared the breakwater, I am confronted by an open ocean with no signposts. It's enough to make me wish I was back on the shore. 

But this is the dream I chose to pursue, and I must stay loyal to it in the face of the nightmares it brings.