Tales From the Toolbox. Stories from Hand in Hand Parenting

Staylistening: Holding space for all those big feelings

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In this episode, join the Toolbox team for a rich conversation about how they have learned to listen deeply to their children’s feelings and the impact this has had on their families.

Topics covered:

  • How Staylistening heals early hurts in quite dramatic ways
  • You can’t fake it - you need to respect your own bandwidth
  • How to build your own emotional capacity and how Listening Partnerships help
  • After a good dose of connection, children often reveal their underlying feelings
  • Naming feelings is best avoided
  • We don’t have to fix it
  • Stories about how bonding it can be to listen to your kid scream!
  • Why it’s simpler to be with an upset child rather than try to distract them or solve their problems
  • Staylistening is different to 'cry it out' - how and why
  • How this co-regulating approach is different to teaching your child to self regulate and calm down
  • Dropping your agenda - trusting that your child will release their feelings when they are good and ready
  • Simple and easy are not the same thing (!)

    • You’ll also hear some really helpful practical suggestions:

    • How it’s best not to refer to the end of an emotional episode
    • How Staylistening builds remarkable resilience
    • How children often use a tiny pretext as a way to share their feelings
    • How to be an anchor for your child so they know you’re calm and in your thinking mind and offer the confidence that they can get through any emotional storm


      • For some more resources on Staylistening try these links:


      Staylistening - https://www.handinhandparenting.org/2016/08/how-does-crying-help-you-and-your-child/

      Chapter 4 in the book Listen by Patty Wipfler and Tosha Schore is a great place to learn more about Staylistening (and is also available as an audiobook) - https://www.handinhandparenting.org/listen-five-simple-tools/

      Here is a link to the article Belynda refers to: Backbone and Bounce: Building Resilience

      https://www.handinhandparenting.org/2013/08/backbone-and-bounce-building-resilience/

      What to say during Staylistening:

      https://www.handinhandparenting.org/2013/08/what-to-say-during-staylistening/

      You can continue the conversation with the toolbox team at [email protected]

      Follow on social media @talesfromthetoolboxpodcast

      To help reach more parents with these practical and supportive tools please leave a review. Also remember to subscribe to this podcast on your podcast platform for all the latest episodes.

      Wishing you lots of connection and joy in your parenting.

      Thanks for listening.

      • You can connect with Belynda in Australia at [email protected]

      • You can connect with Alice in Shetland at [email protected]

      • You can connect with Lara in London at [email protected]

      • You can connect with Stacy in California at [email protected]

      • You can connect with Kelly in South Africa at [email protected]

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      Tales From the Toolbox. Stories from Hand in Hand ParentingBy Tales from the ToolBox Podcast