Discussion of Step 10:

I keep paying attention to the causes and effects of my actions. I act accordingly.

After going through steps Four through Nine, you could legitimately feel that you have turned a page. You could think that all that’s left now is to live happily ever after. Indeed, you are much more aware of what it is that makes you do what you do. You have identified patterns, you have understood what is behind them, and you have deeply understood how to change these patterns and applied these changes in real life. It is possible that, when you hear about Step Ten and about continuing to pay attention to the causes and effects of your actions, you feel that it’s a bit restrictive. But the idea here is not that you are naturally evil, and if you stop paying attention, you will misbehave.

Admittedly, this is the connotation that the original wording of Step Ten has in the traditional 12 Steps. The original text talks about being “wrong” and “admitting it.” The Twelve Steps of AA reflect a moral context in which there is a clear sense of right and wrong. You are hurting other people. There’s a genuine danger to this approach. It presumes that human nature is inherently evil.

Living in fear of yourself

If you feel that way about yourself, chances are you live in fear of your nature. You feel cramped because, at any time, you might do something terrible, hurtful to other people, unless you are always vigilant. Not only is it unpleasant to live with that sense of having to be constantly vigilant, but it’s also counterproductive. It adds to the pressure you are already feeling. You probably don’t need more of it in your life. Adding pressure keeps you into a hopeless loop, a vicious cycle: You keep pushing, pushing, pushing to improve, to be the best that you can be. As you keep pushing, you are cracking under too much pressure. This cycle feeds itself.

What we are talking about in the Proactive 12 Steps is something very different. Instead of fostering a sense of distrust in your abilities, you acknowledge your accomplishments and build on them. You see how going through steps 4 through 9 has been helping you understand yourself more. You see that this has been helping adapt what you’re doing to be the kind of person you want to be.

There is a sense of pleasure and liberation in being more aware of who you are and to change what you notice happening as it happens. There is a lot of satisfaction in being able to do this moment by moment in your life. When you feel this way, the process of Step Ten is very pleasurable. It is the opposite of feeling a rigid control, living in constant fear that you’re going to be doing something terrible. Instead, it is a process of enjoying being conscious of your life and appreciating it moment by moment. You are enjoying the mastery of being able to be who you want to be moment by moment.

Mindfulness as liberation

Ultimately, being mindful does not mean adding to your burdens. It is satisfying, as opposed to something that is imposed on you to cramp your style.

To use a practical example, let’s say that you intend to be mindful when you eat. You would like to notice and enjoy your food. If you turn this into an internal critic that is always criticizing the way you eat, you turn this into a nightmarish experience.

It’s much better to see it as an opportunity. You say to yourself: “I might be more conscious of how I eat and of how I enjoy my food.” When you notice that you’re eating without any sense of satisfaction, you don’t criticize yourself and put pressure on yourself; you don’t force yourself to find joy. You simply notice: “Gee, isn’t it strange how I don’t find satisfaction in eating?”

Noticing gives you an occasion for pausing and wondering.