The Disorienting Dilemma

Sticks, Stones, Exclusion and Broken Bones


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TW: Within the first 10 minutes of this episode, Chris and Jake reference in passing an incident of institutionalized sexual abuse and despite having permission have beeped the name of their friend throughout. Forward to the 12:25 mark of the episode to skip the reference and discussion.

In this episode, Chris tells the story about misunderstood generosity and the important function it can play in building inclusive community. Jake shares about when he had to choose a Black option or not for a work event. They also discuss how painful it can be to experience exclusion (like actual physical pain) and why companies ought to pay attention to ensuring the conditions for belonging
are in place for employees from historically marginalized communities.

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Resources/materials:
Exclusion - A pill for what ails you:
“Research has shown that physical pain and social pain are influenced by some of the same biological processes in the brain and body. Based on this research, we thought that acetaminophen, which is commonly used to treat physical pain, might also be able to reduce social pain”. https://neurosciencenews.com/acetaminophen-forgiveness-exclusion-pain-
15704/ & https://academic.oup.com/abm/article/53/12/1045/5485256

Seen, Safe & Supported: “We asked our interviewees what they wished their organizations and
bosses would do differently and what advice they would give their CEOs about DEI efforts.
We learned that these employees feel marginalized, under-appreciated, and poorly understood. In
many cases, they know that their organizations support DEI, but they judge their efforts — for
example, anti-bias training or the creation of affinity groups — to be inadequate. They told us that
they lack strong coaches and mentors and still don’t feel that they can “bring their whole selves to
work.” Asked to name a company that was doing things right, none of them could.”

Generous or Genius – Community Building through Giving: “There is an element of risk in this
game, because if you contribute anything to the shared pot there is no way of knowing, and no
guarantee that anyone else from the group will do the same. So what is surprising is that low status
individuals are willing to take a bigger risk, with fewer resources, than the high status individuals. In
other words, you take a risk by being pro-social because you have no idea if it will be reciprocated.”

Switching It Up: “Based on our research and the work of others, we argue that code-switching is
one of the key dilemmas that black employees face around race at work. While it is frequently seen
as crucial for professional advancement, code-switching often comes at a great psychological cost. If
leaders are truly seeking to promote inclusion and address social inequality, they must begin by
understanding why a segment of their workforce believes that they cannot truly be themselves in the
office. Then they should address what everyone at the company needs to do to change this.”

Why Rejection Hurts: “Though it may seem far-fetched to claim that social rejection can actually
“hurt,” an overlap in the distress associated with physical and social pain makes good sense from an
evolutionary perspective. As a mammalian species, humans are born relatively immature, unable to
feed or fend for themselves. Because of this, infants, in order to survive, must stay close to a
caregiver to get the necessary nourishment and protection. Later on, connection to a social group
becomes critical to survival; its members benefit from shared responsibility for gathering food,
thwarting predators, and caring for offspring.”

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The Disorienting DilemmaBy Podstarter